I am Sitting in a “Drivethrough” Mum 

Yesterday, I did it for the first time.
I wasn’t very sure or certain if it was the right time or place, but I just decided to give it a go. 

Everyone else is doing it afterall.

I can’t be the only one who’s never done it.

So I did it.
It was daunting.

It was frightening.
I was awkward and clumsy…so obviously inexperienced…but I did it.

And I got to the end without too many mistakes…
Yes. I gave up my flower.  

I gave in to the demons…
I did the drive through in a McDonalds.
All by myself.
After a particularly crazy evening, I found myself in the car at the EXACT time the two minions needed their dinner.
 I was faced with 2 options.

1. Listen to them screaming for 30 minutes in rush hour traffic, before going home to START cooking and end up feeding them 5 minutes before bedtime.

2. Go somewhere to eat, which would involve ordering, waiting and nervous breakdowns on all parts; Mammy, them and most likely the staff.
As I pulled out of the retail park, wondering how the actual FUCK I was going to Supermum my way out of this one and how the hell I timed everything so badly, the “golden arches” appeared in front of me and I broke.
“Let’s have a McDonalds shall we?” 

“What’s a McDonalds Mammy?” 
Yup. I shit you not! 

I got my chillout Mammy cap on, slapped the indimicator and swung into the drivethrough…(or “DrivethrU” if you’re not a complete Grammar Granny like this unfortunate soul.)
And as I pulled up behind a big white van, I realised I had NO IDEA what was about to happen.  Here is how it went…
Pulled up to tiny silver R2d2 box. Do I press a button? Will I get a ticket? How do I know when to speak? Fuck! Am I supposed to just start talking or do I wait until I’m spoken to? HELP HELP HELP!? 
“Hello, can I take your order please?”

Oh thank Lord. R2D2 speaks.

“Yeeeeesssss pleeeeeeease!” (I am so cool. Look at me! Ordering food from a machine, all by myself. I almost take a selfie, but I have to concentrate!)

“2 chicken nugget mealy things please.”

“2 Happy Meals?” 

“Yes! HAPPY meals! 2 of those please.” (I knew that!)

“What drinks?”

(Shit… drinks.) 

“A milkshake and a water please”

“What flavour shake?” R2D2 begins to list off flavours. My brain is about to explode. 


“Thatll be €279 please. Drive to the next window please.”
Ok. I can do this.

Next window.

Nobody here.

I can’t see anyone.

This window is not working.

White fan is at the window further on and getting his little brown bag of joy handed to him.


I am very clever. 

The first window is not in operation you silly Mammy. Drive on.
Begins to drive on. 

Puts back wheels up on kerb and bounces down off again.  Very graceful.
“Excuuuuuuse me!” 

Looks in rearview mirror to see head of McDonald’s worker sticking out obviously fully operational non-operational hatch, waving manically at the criminal in the Skoda trying to not pay for her Happy meals.

Please don’t let any other car come behind me.

I look so stupid.

Oh fuckitty fuck.

It’s ok s-Mum. No one knows you you silly lady. Just take a deep breath. You can do this. 
I Reverse the car, practicing my flippant “hahahaha silly me” laugh…
“Yes Mhaistreais! I thought that was your car!”


“Hi youuuuuu!  Is it obvious I’ve never done this before?” I ask my past student who is laughing energetically at me, and who most likely listened to one of my many rants on the grammatical negligance and ignorance of McFuckingDonalds’ in their “i’m loving it” campaign AT LEAST 45 times in his 6 years in my classroom.
That’s karma, bitch. 😂😂
I pay him, make small talk and have a good old mutual laugh at my obvious stupidity.
Then I drive to the next window, where a lovely girl hands me out the bags and drinks.

“Is that everything Madam?”

“Yes thanks!” (Do you serve gin?)

And actually, I’m a bit disappointed that Ronald McDonald didn’t serve me.
I drove out of the little 3ft wide drive through lane and I swear to God, I actually BREATHED! 😂😂
 I pulled in. The girls got fed the contents of the boxes. They were happy out. 

I was so proud of myself I rang The Him, who was spent the whole phonecall laughing at how obviously proud of my little self that I was.
So yes. 

I did it!
 It was the first time. (And like most first times, it was overrated and ultimately embarassing and hugely disappointing!)

But hey!

Needs must.

It was necessary and do you know what?

It did the feckin job. 😂😂

#mammywin #drivethroughnotthru #fml #happymealme

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