Monthly Archives: June 2016

I am Slightly Lost Mum.

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Today, I got lost.
😡
I never get lost.
  I have a weird built-in homing device that usually means I can sit ANYWHERE and know which direction points to my house. 
I blame/thank my Dad for this weird Homing Pigeon freakishness, and my good sense of direction is often a bone of contention with The Him.
(The Him’s sense of direction is shit. He can’t find his way out of Ikea, but he CAN however apparently move mountains as he’s decided that Mt. Errigal is no longer where it has always been since he moved here. He has yet to realise that he’s wrong, but that’s another story.) 😂

I digress.

So, today, I got lost… 45 minutes from our house. (The Him will love this.) 👤

I was going to meet Mini-Me on her school tour and having been at the Forest Park MANY TIMES as a child, I knew where to go.
Or so I thought.

My first “Silly Mummy” moment was to follow the bus in front of me, ASSUMING that it was our kids. 😐
(Yes…Ass out of U and Me…. I know, I know…)
I followed the buses to the Friary and only realised that I was in the wrong place when there were no other cars and a group of teenagers stepped off the bus. 😐

From the arse of my memory, I got a flash of a big wooden entrance that I should have looked for, rather than being a silly bitch and following a random bus.  I headed back towards the main road, cursing my Silly-Mumminess and thanking the Monks in the Friary, that no one EVER had to know…

Smug that I would not have to look like a Baby-brained-Bimbo-Mummy to all the other My-shit-is-in-control Mummies at the park, I looked in my rear view mirror.

AND realised that the car behind me had been FOLLOWING ME!

So much for my secret.

Another bewildered looking Lovely Mummy was waving frantically at me.  I stopped.  She’d followed me as she recognised my car. (And because I OBVIOUSLY do a great job at SEEMING like I’ve got my shit together…😂)
So I did what any Perfectly cool 35 year old does when they’re in a spot of bother.
I rang my Daddy. ❤

He tutted at me for being so silly and passing the entrance that I SHOULD have seen on my right and hung up.
He is NEVER WRONG, so, armed with the confidence of my Daddy KNOWING EVERYTHING, off we proceeded… THE WRONG WAY.   We drove back into the town, realised we were wrong and turned again.
Because guess what?
Daddy was WRONG.  (Which he later admitted so it doesn’t count.) 😂😂

(Mammies are amazing by the way… we were communicating perfectly with flashing lights and the odd horn toot. 👭
LEGENDS. 👏👏👏)

We drove back to where we had originally realised we were lost and stopped again.
So Other Lost Lovely Mummy did the sensible thing; she pulled out her iPhone and google mapped us.
Duh…
Now, because Google maps was completely hammered drunk, he sent us up a laneway that we both KNEW was going the wrong way.  (I may have been a bit lost, but I knew when I was in danger of ending up crossing a border into somewhere unknown and terrifying; like Cavan. 😈)

So I pulled in (again) and flashed at Other Lost Lovely Mummy to stop.
And stop she did. 
But then as she reversed, her car ended up with a wheel in the ditch.  I kid you not… 🙆

So there we were, Two Lovely Mummies, (Well, SHE was lovely.  I  actually looked like a skank who had been battered through a hedge and spat out.  Tracksuit, no muck-up and baseball cap.  MINGER.), LOST with one car stuck in the hedge.  😢😢

The Farmer in me saved the day.  👍 Dad not only instilled a (usually) fabulous sense of direction in me, he taught me how to reverse like a stunt driver.  When you grow up driving tractors, cars are easy. 
So with direction and encouragement from Other Lost Lovely Mummy and some good old fashioned STUBBORNESS, I got her car out of the hedge and back onto the road to nowhere.

We headed back towards civilization, flagged down a car, got directed in the opposite direction to what Daddy had suggested and found the big wooden gate about 500metres down the feckin road.

We got there.
About 45 minutes late, but still.
Two cars, two Lost Lovely Mammies got there, just in time to head off into the woods with our kiddies and to have (another!) fantastic adventure.

The Him did quite a bit of snaughling and head-shaking at me when I told him my not-even-in-need-of-exaggeration story.

So I’ve just told him to piss off, that he should be glad I made it home at all and I have opened a bottle of prosecco to celeb
rate the fact that I survived.

Bottoms up Bitcheepooooos.
And cheers to other Lost Lovely Mummy xxx 🍷🍷

S-Mum

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I am Simple act of Kindness Mum

Posted in children, family, parenting, toddlers by

Yesterday, I ran into a lovely young Mammy whose little Princess was born on the same day as my Mini-Me.

We’ve known each other for many years, because once upon a time, I had the pleasure of being her English teacher. (I’m not sure if she would describe her time in my classroom as a pleasure, but that’s my take on it anyway!) 😂
Our two girls are due to start school together in September and will be in the same class.👭

Her daughter, (let’s call her Pretty Curls), is just beautiful; gentle and sweet. ❤

We stopped to speak and as usual when there are kids included in the situation, it was more a direction ro the girls to “Say hello” to each other, rather than a conversation between the grown-ups.😂😂

Mini-Me was having a bad day. She has sore ears, was running a slight temperature and was still in the throes of being completely traumatised after going to her ballet class for a whole 3 minutes before deciding she NEEDED to go home. (That’s another blog…) 😡

Mini-Me and Pretty Curls were eyeing each other up.  Mini-Me spotted a packet of Disney Princess rings in the hands of Pretty Curls and began that incessant “But why does SHE have?/I WANT RINGS” whining that brought the conversation to a close.  I said goodbye and ushered her off to the next aisle, praying she’d calm down. 😢
(She didn’t. She slipped and fell and began to bawl. It was one of those genuine cries that overrides the whining to make Mammy realise that ACTUALLY, she’s NOT being a brat, she feels shitty and is upset at everything and simply needs to be snuggled on the sofa with a big glug or Calpol.)

So we went to pay for the shopping.
The other Mammy and Pretty Curls were at the next checkout.
And then the most beautiful, wonderful thing happened.

Pretty Curls came around to Mini-Me and put out her hand, saying “Here. You can have this.”
In her little hand was one of the rings.👭💍

Mini-Me was delighted and cheered up instantly.
Mammy was gobsmacked. 😮
  It was the sweetest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
There were hugs and smiles and statements like “You can be my best fwend!”

Such a simple, thoughtful gesture of kindness from a 4 year old stopped me in my tracks.
It was adorable to watch.😇
It was humbling.
It was the perfect example of how one, seemingly small, act of kindness can change someone’s whole day.😄
It wasnt small.  It was HUGE. It made Mini-Me  forget her sore ears (until we got home at least!) And it made her happy.
It also made me realise that I need to learn from this Mammy’s lovely example.
She’s taught her little girl to be kind and to be nice.👏

Pretty Curls was able to share her brand new toys with a little girl she doesn’t even know.  She’ll go a long way in life; just like her Mammy.

They’re both fabulous and I couldn’t be more impressed. ❤❤

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I am Switching-around-the-furniture Mum

Posted in children, family, parenting, time, wine by

Today was a very productive day.
We spent the afternoon moving furniture around and rearranging rooms! 😆

I can’t tell you the joy this gives me. It makes me happy when The Him is home and actually gets to USE those muscles 💪💪he works so hard on at the Jim. (Yes, I refer to our gym as a person.👤 He is after all a member of the fricken family.)

The Him with the muscles however is not so keen on my biannual moving of the furniture. 😐
He doesn’t GET that it makes S-Mumming much easier when there’s a certain amount of organisation and order in our very messy home.

He agreed to move the furniture today on condition that I don’t rearrange the kitchen (again.)
All this did was put that idea into my head and onto my to-do list for tomorrow. 😈
I’ll take pleasure reminding him it was his idea when he’s swearing tomorrow night because he can’t find the black pepper.😂

Anyway, the BEST thing about the rearranging of the furniture was the moving of a double bed into Mini-Me’s bedroom.
S-Mum is being very clever and pre-empting such future events as sleepovers and “I need Mummy” nights of fever or whatever.  Instead of my arse hanging out the side of her tiny bed, I shall simply lie beside her. Clever mammy. 😗

But he BESTEST THING about the double bed is how ABSOLUTELY TINY my lanky, skinny 4 year old looks tonight as she sleeps in the huge bed.  She’s so small and tootsy and it’s a lovely feeling to see her so teeny, rather than looking at how big she’s getting and wishing time would stop.
Silly maybe.
But it makes me happy. 😇
And after the mayhem of rearranging the rooms, The Him took us out for dinner. (I think it was to stop me from moving the coffee machine into the bedroom really.)
Mini-Me ate everything in front of her.
So did I. 🍰
Princess smiled at everyone and battered our Bloke.  (He loved this really.)

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And then we had ice-cream.
So all is now right with the world.
I’m off to pour a glass of grapes.
I do need my 5 a day you know. Must keep the strength up for tomorrow’s kitchen rearranging!
Goodnight S-Folks xx

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I am Seriously Mum?

Posted in children, parenting, tantrums, wine by

Ok.
So I TRY very hard every day to “Always look on the bright side of life”.
I like to think I’m a pretty positive person, but sometimes people do stupid sh*t that makes me grumpy. 😈

Like today, while my friend and I are packing our kiddies into the cars in an EMPTY-BAR-ONE-OTHER-CAR-CAR-PARK and MRS. DUMBASS, driving a gorgeous jeep, decides that the other 80 spaces are no good, so pulls into the space BETWEEN OUR TWO CARS. 😐

She SEES the 4 children and the buggy, and that I’m just about to put the carseat into the car, but still parks so close to my car, that the car seat WILL NEVER fit throught the gap.

So, because I GENUINELY believe that most people don’t intend to be mean, and that sometimes they’re quite simply Numpties who don’t realise their lack of perception of personal space, I calmly waited for MRS. DUMBASS to realise her numptiness and move her big jeep.

She took out her phone and made a call. 😡😡😡

Because Mini-Me was right beside me, I didn’t swear. (HUGE ACHIEVEMENT.) 👏👏
INSTEAD, I said to my friend “I’m going to have to move the car to get the carseat in here. Can you please take the buggy for a moment?”
(Thism she definitely heard through the open window. It was probably the perfect example of how The Him says I THINK I’m being subtle, but I’m not being one tiny bit subtle.)

And that’s what I had to do.  I HAD TO MOVE MY CAR ABOUT A FOOT TO THE RIGHT in order to get the carseat in.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I have a temper that can make grown men cry.

I COULD have knocked on MRS. DUMBASS’S window and asked her was she f**kin SERIOUS?
But.
I didn’t.
I set my baby in the car, said goodbye to my friend who was equally as flabberghasted as I was, and prepared to drive off, swearing in my own head.

MRS. DUMBASS got out of her car as if nothing had happened…

Because I’m determined to find positives in ALL situations, I did.

She was wearing nice trousers on her Dumbass. 👩🙆👖👖👖

They really were pretty and looked great on her dumb ass as she walked away from the big jeep that she COULDN’T PARK PROPERLY IN AN EMPTY CARPARK!

But she had nice trousers and is probably a very lovely Dumbass.
Now. 👄
Here’s a cute puppy to negate the negatives that may be misconceived in this rant…sorry, post.

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HAPPY Friday.😙😙
Pop…🍷