I am Sweet Jebus, What Did She See Mum?

“Mammy I wrote you a note.”

“Did you Darling?”

“Yes.  I wrote it the other night when I couldn’t get to sleep and I forgotted to give it to you.”

“Ok. What does it say?”

“It says My Mammy and Daddy were very happy doing the rumpy.”

(WTF? WTF? WTF?)

“Erm. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay?”

(Inside I am thinking FAAAAAAAAACK. What has she seen? What have we done? Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod… I have scarred my child for life. What…when…how…WHEN?)

Outside, I TRY to remain calm and composed…

“What is Doing the Rumpy Darling?” (Tread carefully Mammy.)

“No.  DURING the Rumpy.”

(Sweet Japonica on a big bike, shoot me now…)

“And what is Rumpy?”

“That game you were watching…”

(Now I’m utterly lost.)

“What game?”

“When Ireland WON the match with the funny ball.”

“OH!”  (Joy and rapture and Thank the frivoulous fecks!)  THE  RUGBY?!

“Yes,  The Rumpy.  Remember you and Daddy were all excited and jumping up and down and smiling?”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”  (Hallelujah!)

Yes we were Darling. Yes we were.  Right there in the middle of the kitchen, in broad daylight…and not a door locked or anything!

Phew…

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I am She’s Six Mum

Tonight I am putting my 5 year old to bed. Tomorrow she shall be six.

How did that happen?

 

Mammy’s Wee Jewel.

Sparkling and shiny but tougher than stone

You entered our world with a mind of your own.

We wondered what all of the fuss was about,

But quickly learned that we could not live without

Your laughter and giggles, your glistening blue eyes,

Your mischief and wonder and oh what a smile.

So kind and so clever, you feel everything

A sensitive soul who would do anything

To make us all happy, the perfect big sis,

You showed us what love was from the very first kiss

That I planted so gently on the bridge of your nose,

And tickled your belly and massaged your toes.

And while we have rows and sometimes things go wrong

A part of me loves that you’re so darn headstrong

Because while you are sensitive and nervous and scared,

You’re also determined and stubborn and fair.

You’re clever and kind and your singing is sweet

And a beautiful dancer, so light on your feet.

You are my wee Darling, My own Mini-Me

And I’m proud of the wonderful girl that I see

Growing up right in front of me so very fast

And time may keep passing, but my love for you lasts

Beyond every worry and tantrum and rule

Because you’ll always be Mammy’s most precious wee jewel.

 

Happy Birthday Darling.

Mammy xxxx

I am Say Shut Up Mum

“I need to put on my lupstuck QUICKLY Mammy!”

Yeah to sit in a dark auditorium for the next 3 hours? Whatever! 5 going on 15.

And yet as grown up as she’s getting, sometimes things remind me of her adorable innocence! 

Like the radio.

We’re driving home after the panto and I’m not really paying much attention to the radio. That is, until I find myself humming along to “I wanna sex you up!” and realise what’s is playing! 

Christ alive!

 Just as I turn it down, oh so subtly, to save the ears of my little one, she tuts.

“What a Very wude song Mammy” she scolds.

Holy shit methinks.  She knows the word sex. She knows that sex is a rude Word. (For the radio!) Hang on. Where has she heard That? How does she know? What’s haaaaappening?

“It is indeed” Mammy agrees. 

“Did you HEAR what that man was singing?” 

“Erm yeah…”

“What Silly words. Why would you sing a song Saying ‘I wanna say SHUT UP!’ So weird like!” 

“I wanna say shut up?”

“Yeah Mammy. Dat’s what he was singing!” 

Sing it wuf me Mammies! 

“I wanna say SHUT up!” 😂😂😂 

Happy Sauvignon…sorry, Saturday! 🍷

By the way, are you following me on Facebook? You should. The craic is mighty! 

I am She’s Tossing Nappies Mum

Princess is a tyrant.

Her tantrums and strops are making anything that Mini-Me ever threw, seem perfectly angelic.  Madam P is terrifying.  Think 11 from Stranger Things when she stares at someone she dislikes? Yup.  Princess.

Her latest acts of retaliation and protest include slapping, biting, growling (nope, not joking), and getting undressed.

She pulls off her clothes for no apparent reason other than to annoy the grown up in her charge.  And over the past few nights, this has escalated to full removal of the poocatcher too.

Wednesday night,  Daddy and I checked her before we went to bed.  “What’s on the pillow beside her head?” whispers Daddy.

“I don’t know” I answered, mentally checking my memory for what was there when I put her down; Moana, George Pig and Jessie… And yet here was a white teddy of some sort.

I picked it up.

It was in fact a soggy nappy. A quick feel confirmed that yes indeed, Princess had removed the nappy.  However, she had managed to put her Jammie bottoms back on.

A quick dry nappy on her stubborn wee bum and off we went to bed, laughing at the wee fart.

Thursday night.  Same thing.  However, the nappy was not on the pillow this time.  No, she had fecked this nappy out of the cot, along with her pillow, quilt, teddies and dodees.  In fact all that was in the cot was her bare bum and the vest she hadn’t gotten off.

Yesterday morning.  I got her dressed and ran to my room to pull on my own clothes.  I returned approximately 3 minutes later, only to find Bare-arsed Betsy running around the kitchen cackling at me.

So there you go.  It seems we have a little naturalist on our hands.  Either that, or she’s ready for potty training a WHOLE lot earlier than Mammy is ready for it.

I hope it’s a phase she’ll grow out of quickly.  If not, let me apologise in advance for any fat little peaches you may see running behind me in Dunnes or Aldi-everything.

peaches

 

I am Sneaky New Year Netflix Mum

It’s New Year’s Eve once again!

A night of glammifying, glitter and quaffing of fizzy stuff in glamorous and electric surroundings.

Or if you’re a parent, a night of overtired minions and a collective wish that it was midnight already so you can go to bed.

If I’m honest, Myself and The Him rarely see midnight. Considering that there is usually Feck all on the Tellybox, we’ve usually clinked glasses and gone to bed way before the fireworks begin.

But now with Mini-Me suddenly excited about New Year’s Eve (even though she actually doesn’t have a clue what it means), we find ourselves in a quandry.

Do we let her stay up until midnight and then spend the first day of 2018 with an absolute SheBeast who is beyond knackered?
And here is where Netfix saves the day… or the night.

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The clever folk at Netflix have 9 cool New Year countdowns sitting on your profile, ready to countdown at WHATEVER time you decide! They’re a few minutes long and there are 9 different themes so you can choose which one your Minions will enjoy.

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So tonight, we shall be having a NYE party, doing the countdown and wishing each other a Happy New Year at around 8.30pm.

And then, the two Dollies shall be tucked in and we shall pop some bubbles, chill out, (probably in front of Netflix again!) and try to see if we can stay awake until the ACTUAL countdown.

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If your Minis want to ring in the New Year, but staying up until stupid o’ clock is not an option for them, then try this.  It’s fab.

Happy New Year Lovelies.

Wishing you a magical Christmas (1)

Happy New Year!