“OK girls… movie time!” (because if I have to intervene in your fucking 387th row of the day, I may SCREAM.)
Mammy reaches for her phone to rev up the beloved Disney Plus, excited already about the inevitable peace and joyfully joyful quiet that Mammy will now experience for approximately 90 minutes.
I’m planning a cuppa and a sneaky Double Fecker/insta scroll in the tillyday room and am already relaxing in thoughts of imminent calm that is about to be magiced via Disney Plus into my home…
“We’re not allowed Disney Plus!” announces Princess, wide eyed and deadly serious.
“Of course we are. Don’t be silly!” I laugh.
“No She’s not EVEN Lying like Mammy. It’s banned for the rest of the week…”
“Says who?” I demand.
I’m bemused. I’m confused…I’m slightly terrified…
“Says Daddy!” says Princess, still wide eyed and suddenly so fecking virtuous and obedient that it’s OBVIOUS that she will NEVER be coerced into betraying The Daddy.
“Since when?” Mammy is seriously wondering if I blanked out and missed thiat particular row, but in fairness, every day is merging into the next at the minute and I gave up on listening to every single conversation in mid April.
“Since the last night when we were up really late and SHE wouldn’t get out of my room” admonishes Mini-Me, obviously not ready to forgive Princess. “He says it’s banned for the full week…”
“Ok I’m sure Daddy didn’t mean a full week. Hang on until I call him to check.” I grin through gritted teeth. My palms are a bit sweaty to be honest. I’m panicking a little… just slighly jittery at the prospect…
A week without Disney Plus? Has he lost his fricken MIND?
I go to the other room and pretend to ring Daddy.
I don’t, for he is back in his office this week, being busy and stressed, and so it’d be unfair of me to ring him now to discuss… because obviously the DISCUSSION would consist of me launching into something along the lines of “WHATTHEFUCKiswrongwithyoubanningDisneyFeckingplusforafullfeckingweek? ARE YOU MAD? It’s OK for you Mr I@m in the Fecking OFFICE all week. YOU don’t have to play waitress and bouncer to these two all fecking day do you!? So I’m SORRY but Disney fucking PLus is NOT being banned for a week, not on MY WATCH. K?”
To which he’d OBVIOUSLY concede and apologise and grovel at his utter silliness and naivity and agree with my decision to reverse the punishment…
So why waste time annoying him right then eh? (I’ll get him again…)
I come back into the room and tell the two minions that Daddy has said that it’s not banned for the week, but just for the day, which is met with rapturous joy and much appreciation for “clever Daddy!”.
Then, The wee doll, who only two minutes ago was fully loyal to Daddy asks, “So what’s on Netflix then?”
I’m either incredibly proud, or absolutely fecked from here on… I haven’t decided yet.
And to be honest, I don’t care. I’m too busy enjoying the calm and quiet. 🙂