It’s Rally Weekend.
Can you sense my enthusiasm?
(Swearing alert. If your eyes are easily offended, click on by!) 😘😘
I found myself talking out loud to some other drivers on the road last night.
Here are some of the things that, usually, I would have said in my Car every year over Rally weekend. But obviously, because of my walking-talking swear jar and Little miss Repeatyarse in the back seat, I can’t indulge as usual this year. Instead, let me get them out of my system here…
“WTF is THAT yok?”
“Is that even a real car?”
“Shit there must be a checkpoint…nope… just GOBSHITES holding up the traffic.”
“Are you for real? Dumbass…”
“You’re not an ACTUAL FUCKING RALLY DRIVER YOU TWAT!”
“Did I SAY you could pull out in front of me?”
“Go ahead there. Pull on out! You were going anyway. I’ll just sit here shall I?”
“You’re driving a CAR, not a feckin aeroplane, you twat.”
“There are more wings on thon yok than there are wheels”.
“WTF? Am I invisible?”
“Did you not SEEEEEEE my big fucking car?”
“Oh yeah, you are soooooooooo cool. brrrrrrm brrrrrrrrm…Dickhead.”
“Did you not SEEEEEEE my indicator?”
“Did you stick a tumbledrier onto your car wee pet?”
“How can he even see over the fucking wheel?”
“Thon buck’s lying down. Look! He’s driving the car, lying on his back!?”
“That car’s driving itself! Oh wait, no, There’s a wee head there.”
“Brrrrrrrm BBBROOOOOOOOOOMM BRRRRRMMMMMMMM”
“OMG. You are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO cool…”
“Don’t you fecking dare pull out there.”
“YOU ARE NOT IN THE FUCKING RALLY!”
“Oh is there an invisible lane for DICKHEADS?”
“GET OFF MY ASS YOU TWAT.”
(In fairness, I have been known to say quite a few of these things at other drivers, every other weekend of the year too. )😂😂
NOW. Let me clarify.
I have nothing against the rally. 🚘🚘🚘
The ACTUAL rally.
Where the qualified and experienced sports people rally as safely as they can, within the realms of the RALLY. Where the “sport” of rallying is carried out properly and the drivers are respectful of the roads and the people who live on them. I love the buzz and business it brings to the town. I don’t follow it myself, but I don’t HAVE to. I get what people love about it and it’s fantastic for our county.
It’s a brilliant event, well run and exciting for those who follow it. 🖒🖒
What I hate however, are the Gobshites who THINK they are in the rally. 😡😡😡
Who declare themselves Rally Fans, when really it’s just an excuse for them to stand around comparing the size of their knobs and pipes at various locations, nowhere NEAR the ACTUAL rally.
Who pollute our ears with their stupid car growls and revving at every opportunity.
Who for some reason think it’s cool to make circles and 8s all over our lanes and roadways in the middle of the night, while the REAL rally drivers are in bed..
Who THINK they are in the rally, even though they go NOWHERE near the stage that day. Who make us have to reconsider using certain roads on our journeys because we know that that is where they like to meet up and pretend to be rally drivers.
Who risk the lives of others because, well, because they’re gobshites really.
Yeah. So, I don’t like the TWATS.
And now, because I am a LAYDEE, (and I have vented here), my little Darlings shall not have to listen to my colourful language in the car. Instead, they can watch all the cool, colourful, ACTUAL rally cars and Mammy can practice her lipsync skills in the front seat.
Go on. What are your favourite things to say/shout in your car?
And if you don’t shout at other drivers, we probably can’t be friends anymore.
Good luck to the REAL rally drivers in the REAL rally by the way. And to the ACTUAL rally fans who FOLLOW the rally, I do hope you all have a safe and brilliant weekend.
I won’t shout at YOU, I promise. 😂