I am Still Talking to Myself Mum

I spend much of my life muttering things like “I’ll talk to myself”, “Nobody listens to me” and “Talk to yourself Mammy”.

Actually, if I ever get around to publishing my s-mumblings, my title might just be “Nobody listens to Mammy.”

It makes me want to claw out my own eyeballs sometimes. Sometimes, I actually do answer myself.

But going on holidays last week, I experienced something that has made me feel a whole lot better.

Lying by the pool one afternoon, I found myself laughing at the tirade of statements floating around in the air above me. All of them had been said by a Mum or Dad, and ALL of them had been dutifully ignored by their respective Minions.

Here are just a selection of the floating statements that I both heard AND said at least 39 times in one week away.

Don’t run!
You’re going to fall.
Stop running!
Japonica I will NOT call you again
Where’s your sister?
Sit on your seat.
Do not lick the water. (This was NOT just me, I assure you!)
Mind the lady.
Don’t jump!
Get over here NOW!
Good girl!
If I have to come over there…
Don’t RUN!
You’re going to slip.
Let the baby past.
Wait your turn.
Go ahead now.
Don’t let people push you.
I don’t want to hear it.
Stop fighting.
Do you need a pee?
Why are you hitting your sister?
Lift that unicorn…
Well done!
Oooooooh you’re a mermaid!
Stop splashing people.
You need more suncream!
Use your legs
Watch your head.
Hear my voice!
Am I talking to myself?

Well actually, that’s just it Mammy Dearest. You are indeed. And you may get used to it, because it seems to be a universal gift that children have, which transcends borders, nationalities and continents.

A few times, I heard myself. I heard another Mum saying exactly what I had said 10 minutes previously. And I returned the favour I’m sure, letting other parents hear ME saying the exact same things that THEY had earlier too.

Lesson learned? Nope.

Because the next day, I still called out the “Mind where you’re going!” and “You are going to FALL!” and “Stop RUNNING!” Because I like to give out? Because I’m a saddo?

Nooooooooo. Because it’s my instinct to keep my minions safe and even if they’re not LISTENING to me, if there’s at least a chance that they might HEAR me, I’ll keep on talking to myself gladly.

And I’ll answer myself too.

I quite like conversations with myself actually. Good job eh?