I spend much of my life muttering things like “I’ll talk to myself”, “Nobody listens to me” and “Talk to yourself Mammy”.
Actually, if I ever get around to publishing my s-mumblings, my title might just be “Nobody listens to Mammy.”
It makes me want to claw out my own eyeballs sometimes. Sometimes, I actually do answer myself.
But going on holidays last week, I experienced something that has made me feel a whole lot better.
Lying by the pool one afternoon, I found myself laughing at the tirade of statements floating around in the air above me. All of them had been said by a Mum or Dad, and ALL of them had been dutifully ignored by their respective Minions.
Here are just a selection of the floating statements that I both heard AND said at least 39 times in one week away.
- Don’t run!
- You’re going to fall.
- Stop running!
- Japonica I will NOT call you again
- Where’s your sister?
- Sit on your seat.
- Do not lick the water. (This was NOT just me, I assure you!)
- Mind the lady.
- Don’t jump!
- Get over here NOW!
- Good girl!
- If I have to come over there…
- Don’t RUN!
- You’re going to slip.
- Let the baby past.
- Wait your turn.
- Go ahead now.
- Don’t let people push you.
- I don’t want to hear it.
- Stop fighting.
- Do you need a pee?
- Why are you hitting your sister?
- Lift that unicorn…
- Well done!
- Oooooooh you’re a mermaid!
- Stop splashing people.
- You need more suncream!
- Use your legs
- Watch your head.
- Hear my voice!
- Am I talking to myself?
Well actually, that’s just it Mammy Dearest. You are indeed. And you may get used to it, because it seems to be a universal gift that children have, which transcends borders, nationalities and continents.
A few times, I heard myself. I heard another Mum saying exactly what I had said 10 minutes previously. And I returned the favour I’m sure, letting other parents hear ME saying the exact same things that THEY had earlier too.
Lesson learned? Nope.
Because the next day, I still called out the “Mind where you’re going!” and “You are going to FALL!” and “Stop RUNNING!” Because I like to give out? Because I’m a saddo?
Nooooooooo. Because it’s my instinct to keep my minions safe and even if they’re not LISTENING to me, if there’s at least a chance that they might HEAR me, I’ll keep on talking to myself gladly.
And I’ll answer myself too.
I quite like conversations with myself actually. Good job eh?
If not, why not?