People generally dislike swear words.  There’s an unwritten rule that some swear words are worse than others.

The B-words are widely tolerated.  The F-word…not so much.  The C-word? Don’t even go there! Some words are acceptable.   Some are simply not.

It’s like childbirth.  It’s okay to say certain things to a new Mamma. And there are some things you SHOULD NEVER SAY…and yet people usually do.

On the other side of things, there are responses that new mammas would love to say out loud (usually with some of the aforementioned expletives carefully inserted!)…and yet they usually don’t.

So here are just a few such things that I’ve heard recently… to which mostly, my response was to politely smile/laugh/nod.  But what I was really thinking usually contained expletives. Shock Horror!

1.  “Oh you had a section?” (Usually accompanied by an expression of either sympathy or disapproval.)        Yes. I had a section.  It’s the most fun thing in the world ever! (*Sarcasm… see previous post “I am Section Mum.”
2. “How’s your scar healing?”    Fabulously thank you.  How’s your vagina doing?
3. “Sure the second section is much easier than the first.”                 Is it really? My body obviously didn’t get that particular memo.
4. “You shouldn’t be up and about so quickly.”    OK.   You’re so right.  I’ll tell the toddler look after herself. What am I thinking!?
5. “Oh? You’re not breastfeeding?”  (There’s that look again.  Its becoming quite frequent.)           No.  I’ve made a decision to not give my baby the best start in life.  I’m a selfish failure and I deserve your disapproval and judgement.  Thanks for that.
6. “You’re not going back to the gym already surely? Sure there’s nothing wrong with you!” (Yep…there’s that look again!)         Yes.  I am, because I enjoy training and I want to. It’s as simple as that.  Last week I actually replied “God yes. I need to lose at least 4 stone.”  That’s an exaggeration, but it was worth it to see the look of disapproval morph into one of utter disgust.
7. “OMG! I didn’t expect to see you out so soon! You’re some Doll!” (Expression of disapproval added to at sight of very large glass of wine in my hand.)          I’m so sorry if my decision to venture away from my baby for a few hours makes you uncomfortable. It actually took a lot of nerve, encouragement from Hubby and support of my friends to get here tonight… but all you see is the wine.
8. “Where’s the baby tonight?”   At home with the Dog of course…where else?
9. You’re OK leaving the baby with her Daddy? (Yup…cue that expression again!)  Erm… is this a trick question? YES!!! He is afterall, her Daddy? He did make half of her and he’s just as entitled to (Shock Horror!) look after her all by himself as I am!
10. “Is Daddy babysitting?”  Noooooooo…. Daddy is looking after his daughters while Mammy does the shopping/has a coffee/pops to town for an hour. He is not hired or paid by the hour.  I do not feel the need to leave snacks on the coffee table or to go through her routine before I leave.  He’s as (Shock Horror!) able to care for her as I am.

I could go on.

Yes, most of these things were said with the greatest of good intentions, but still.  They were said…in some cases by numerous people.

I’m sure I could add more.  I’m sure many of you could add your own.  It’s a terrible thing to be judged, (intentionally or not), especially by other mummies, but the easiest thing to do is to smile and nod and remember that you can say as many swear words in your head as you like, and no one can judge you for that!

I am Smile-and-Nod Mum.