Monthly Archives: September 2016

I am So-mortified-AGAIN Mum! 😅

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​Don’t you just LOVE kids?
4 and a half year olds are particularly adorable.
I have one you know.

 I’m really quite proud of the little toot.

She’s pretty, cute and funny and gives me endless hours of laughter and joy and of course the main one…utter and ABSOLUTE MORTIFICATION.
So frequently do I currently find myself wishing that the ground would open up, that one could mistake me for an archaeologist.

Except, I don’t want to uncover bones or history…

I want to climb in beside the bloody bones and turn back time.
Shop.

Today.

Well behaved Mini-Me being suspiciously sweet and quiet.💗

Then,

Check out.😈😈😈
We were waiting in the queue, behind a lovely lady who was possibly just out of the gym.

Her hair was scraped back and she was very tall and sans muckup.  She looked like a wonderfully normal woman, minding her own business.
The DOLLY looks up at her and I can suddenly see what is JUST ABOUT TO HAPPEN unravel before it actually does.

It’s slow motion… 😲😲😲😲😲
I try in vain to distract her and to change the subject before she opens her pretty loud little beak.

I fail miserably because, in the loudest WHISPER you have EVER HEARD, she announces:

 “Mammy it’s MISS TWUNCHBULL!”


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It’s  out and before I get a chance to shush her, she misunderstands that I might not have heard her the first time, so she shouts it again…sans whisper.
I start some ridiculous sing song about reading James and the Giant Peach when we get home, praying she didnt hear, and eventually have to courage to look up at Miss-not-at-all-like-the-Trunchbull to see if she’s  going to seing me over the fence by my pigtails!
She seems oblivious and is paying the check-out attendant.  PHEW!
The attendant, however, is not oblivious.

He is trying with great difficulty to stifle his laughter.
The unknowing star of our Roald Dahl inspired show leaves the shop and he buckles. 😂😂

“OH GOD I’M MORTIFIED!” I say, scarlet faced.
“I’ve seen worse Love” he laughs.
I pay and leave with Mini-Me  trotting behind me, quite happy with herself and having NO CLUE how close she was to getting Mammy locked in the fricken Chokey.
And she’s lucky that there is no Chokey in S-Mumble Hill…
It’s Mortification Monday. 😅😅
How was your day? 😙😙😙😙

I am Sipping Coffee at 5.30am Mum

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​People often ask why I get up at 5.30am. 

The question is usually hidden in words such as “You’re up since WHAT time?” Or “WTF?” or “Are you out of your MIND?” and accompanied by a LOOK of horror and incredulity.
From now on, I shall simply direct those who do not understand, to look at this image. 👇👇👇👇


I ONLY get to the bottom line if I get up when it’s STILL DARK, so NOW do you see?
I am doing humanity and the general population of Letterkenny a HUGE favour by rising this early.

I can be quite the grumpy bitch see, and coffee helps me to be nice. ☕

It’s magic.
As is having a few hours of Me-time. 

Never underestimate the blissful calm of your messy kitchen at stupid o’clock.  
An hour of early morning quiet, a full, uninterrupted shower, an empty coffee cup, seeing the sky suddenly not be black anymore… take the little things where you get them my Darlings.
They really are precious.

So, drink that coffee.☕
Oh.  And your challenge for the day? 

Be nice. 

You never know who you’re helping with a smile. 😆😆

Happy Monday my Pretties.

💗💗💗

I am Stupid o’Clock Mum

Posted in children, family, parenting by

​Some of the things Mini-Me said last night between 11.30pm and 3.21am…
☆”Hulk is under my bed.” (Note to self…kick The Him if/when I get back to bed. Fecking stupid Avengers movies.
☆”I need bainne.” (Milk) (Nope because then you’ll be even more awake ANDneed a pee.)
☆”My room needs tidied.”  (Reeeeeeally? At 2am? THAT’s when you acknowledge that this room is a mess?)
☆”Look at theshapadiswoom!” followed by an eye-roll and a pretty impressive Tut tut. (And yet you still won’t clean it in the morning, which is nearly FECKIN HERE ALREADY!) 😢😢😢
☆ “The Sky’s awake, so I’m awake.” (If I ever get my hands on the prick who wrote that shit…it’s NOT SO ADORABLE AT STUPID O’CLOCK.)
☆ “I need water!” (“Mummy can’t go up to the kitchen when the alarm is on pet.” 

TAKE THAT MINI-ME!!! 

“Der’s water beside your bed Mammy.”  

DAMMIT! 😡😡😡
☆”I hear FOR!” (THOR) “He’s outside my window!” (No, he isn’t Sweetheart … as much as Mammy would LOVE to meet Thor and his hammer in the dark… 😂 😈😈😈)
☆ “I’ve alweady been to sleep TWO TIMES tonight!”  (Seriously…her logic and debating skills would make a politician look as useless as a chocolate teapot…)
☆ 3.20am “You can go back to your own bed now Mammy, I need to go to sleep.” 

(Are you serious?)


Then at 8am, (🎶singing🎶)…”Good Morning, Good Moooooorning, we’ve slept da whole night fruu!” in the hallway, just loud enough to ensure that Princess joins in with “Mamamamam!”

(Are you shitting me?)
 S-Mum kicks The Him 👤, who I know went to bed last night assuming it was his turn for a Sunday morning sleep-in.
S-Mum growls and hisses like a rabid badger, offers some obscenities and expletives about getting EVERYONE OUT, followed by “I only got to bed at 3.45…pleeeeeeeeease…I just need another hour!” 

(Why I still feel the need to exaggerate the time, necause 3.21am wasn’t late enough, I don’t know!)
And so, today, I’m knackered and SHE is like a bag of feckin rattlesnakes, coiled up and ready to attack ANYONE who dares speak to her. 😂😂😂
How fun…😅
Thank you to #glammymammy Nicole for sending me this image.

Enjpy the last few hours of the weekend S-mumblies. Xxxx

I am Sweet Jebus will you SSSSSH Mum!

Posted in blog, children, parenting, wine by

​Today was a proud day.

One of great achievements and memorable moments…
Yes, ACHIEVEMENTS and MEMORABLE MOMENTS…
The biggest of these being Mini-Me’s greeting to me as I walked into a VERY busy restaurant to meet herself and The Him for lunch after her first day at school.
“HI MAMMY I HAD A GREAT DAY AND I DIDNT EVEN PEE MY PANTS!”
And no, my Caps Lock DIDN’T just get jammed.  
I am trying to convey the FECKIN VOLUME of her exclamation of her great ACHIEVEMENT.
And the best fun?

As I hushed her and sat down whispering “Good Girl, but please don’t be shouting that or others will hear you”, the lady behind us laughed and announced, “Oh! We’ve heard this already! She’s had a great day haven’t you Sweetie?” 😲
What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck?😣😣😣
I looked at The Him who was buckled laughing.  
APPARENTLY, our gorgeous little munchkin had walked in the front door when they arrived and PROUDLY announced to the OWNER and ALL of his customers,  “Martin, I started  big school AND I DIDN’T PEE MY PANTS!”😲😂😂😂
At the top of her voice, of course!
So yes.

Great ACHIEVEMENTS  and MEMORABLE MOMENTS. 😂
Just not the ones I thought I’d be writing about today… you know… on the day that my first born started school!

But sure hey!
She had a great day and she didn’t pee her pants and she wants to go back tomorrow, so I think that’s a result all round, don’t you?
So yes… Mummy deserves a grapejuice. 🍷
Hope all the Minions got on well back at school. 😙😙😙


Enjoy normality Ladybelles!
Check out the S-mumblings on my Facebook page… @secretsofsmum