I am “Shat-out Wheetabix” Mum

Mammy loves the Babywipes.

 

Every Mammy loves the Babywipes, don’t they? 
We should thank the Inventor of the Babywipes.
Apparently, the first Babywipe was invented in the 1950s and first produced by a company called Nice-Pak… Almost 70 years later, I’m sure that if the inventor of the Babywipes is still alive, he or she is rolling themselves in Babywipes every evening, breathing in the sweet, musky smell of their own genius.
So to them, (or to their ghost who is possibly reading this blog over someone’s shoulderπŸ˜‰), Thank you for the Babywipes. 
 Thank you from every Mammy in the world. 
 When Babywipes were born,πŸ˜‚ Mammies everywhere sighed in relief and danced a little pee-inducing dance with utter joy and thrill that FINALLY, there was a handy, disposable, multi-use Mammy tool.
 Indeed I am sure the the inventor of the Babywipe rubbed his or her happy hands together in glee when they realised that the Babywipes were going to become so sought after, so cherished and so NECESSARY in the lives of parents EVERYWHERE.  Not only EVERYWHERE in the world, but EVERYWHERE in every parent’s world…the changing station, the baby bag, the handbag, the car, the office drawers…
Poo poo, Bum bum, Ching ching. πŸ˜‚
But let me tell you ONE thing that the Babywipe inventors, and indeed the modern-day Babywipe producer omitted, and CONTINUE to omit, from their research and development.  The one thing they UNDERESTIMATED…
Wheetabix.
Yes.  Another classic staple in every home.  How the fecking Babywipe makers HAVE NOT yet figured out HOW to remove digested Wheetabix from the peachy bottom of a wriggling Poopmonster is beyond me.  Have they not got edumacated sciency people formulating and developing the Babywipes in big sanitised laboratories somewhere near “Area Fiftybum”?
Do they not do fire tests and delta force style strength tests  or use sandblasting to ensure that these mammy weapons are teflar-ly durable?
Are there not product testers who tick off the list of “Things the Babywipe can dissolve and remove”, like:

 

🌈pee pee βœ”

🌈 baby spit βœ”

🌈 yoghurt  βœ”

🌈 mashed potato βœ”

🌈 makeup βœ”

🌈 ordinary, run of the mill Poonamis βœ”

🌈digested blueberries…well…

🌈 shat out wheetabix… NOOOOOOOOOOO.
How is Shat out Wheetabix NOT the TOP of the list?
Have the product testers NEVER cleaned the nether-regions of a wobbler who has eaten an average of 2 of the cardboardy biscuits a day?
I wonder if the sciency people would like a “Test bummy” to try to figure out how to fix the babywipes so that they CLEAN AND REMOVE the shards of poo, as opposed to pushing them around the soggy bottom, like little grains of sand that love to simply ROLL over the skin, clinging it like feckin mini-leeches to shiny, smooth glass…
I can offer the services of a Poopmonster.
Do you think if we Mammies offered to help them to develop their technology further, could we call the research “The Big Bum Theory”?
It’s Grapejuice o’clock Bitcheepoos.
Have a good one. 😘😘😘😘

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