I am So Badly Target Marketed Mum

Dear Bookface Ads & Algorithm

Piss off.
You’re drunk.

Because WHY you guys think I want to sign up for Quick fixes and weight loss products, is beyond Mammy.

The first thing I saw this morning was an ad for “Shit Yourself Skinny” Coffee (that I didn’t screenshot), which promised that I’d lose 14lb in a week… what? Does the coffee amputate my arse?

These adsย ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡were literally cramming my newsfeed this morning. Why?

I don’t know.
Maybe Facebook thought I looked a bit bloated this morning?ย ๐Ÿ˜‚

Good job I’m not easily offended! Talk about playing on people’s insecurities. When I looked at my phone today, I was being told that I need to sort out my big fat belly… And my arse. And that then my life would be better.

Fuck off.ย ๐Ÿคจ

If the algorithmic powers-that-be-stalking-us- through-our-phones were actually doing their job, they’d know I OWN a feckin Jim! (Well, half own, but still!)ย ๐Ÿ˜‚

But my favourite today, were TWO friend requests from ladies who happen to have a certain Puke Plus all over their timelines… seriously? Am I not used as your training days at this point? I’m sure there’s a slide somewhere warning them DO NOT APPROACH THIS MAMMY! (Especially as my UN-I-CAN unicorn fart capsules are outselling theirs by the stable load!)ย ๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„

Anybuts.

I’m quite happyful with my Wee arse thank you very much Facebook.ย ๐Ÿ˜‹

And if I’m not, Funnily enough, I don’t need laxatives and corsets to do something about it.

A pissed off Mammy.
(Perfectly happy as I am, but thank you for suggesting otherwise.)๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’™

#therearenoquickfixes

Leave a Reply