Yesterday, I sat in my Mammy’s kitchen.

Says me to her, “My house is not clean. It is a kip.” Grumble grumble agree agree it’ll be grand sure etc…

It has not been clean since March 12th and it shall probably remain in such a state until the day before I go back to school when I do my annual “ALL THE EVERYTHING NEEDS DONE AND CLEANED TODAY” day…”

I ventured further. “I don’t know WHAT it’d take to motivate my arse to clean to be honest”.

And then this morning, I received THE TEXT.

The text that we have all forgotten…The text that is pretty much the main reason ANY of us had clean houses before Lockdown, but which we haven’t yet realised to be responsible for our semiclean homes…

My friend sent the beloved-dreaded message “I’m coming for a cuppa”.

And suddenly, something in the biosphere shifted and I remembered what motivation felt like.

Within an hour, I’d “tidied” and dusted and hoovered and wiped and bleached and sprayed…

Mammies.
I even…
Mopped.
The.
Floors.

I shit you not.

Who knew? My house needs visitors just as much as I do!

Try it.

But be sure it’s YOU who sends the text!

Otherwise, you might end up mopping YOUR floor too.