Tag Archives: parenting

​I am “Small Sausages, Big Smiles” Mum

Posted in blog, children, parenting, Teething by

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Now I know that most LAYDEEEEEEEZ might not associate the words “Small Sausages” with “Big Smiles”…(yes…I said it. You thought it ya dirty hallions!) but today, I do! 😂😂😂
Because today, something as silly and simple as Small Sausages did indeed make me smile. 😆😆
After school/work, we were having some quality mother/daughter time where I was teaching my girls VERRRRRRY important life skills in an edumacational and sensory-stimulating  environment.

 (Yes.  We were in Penneys… life skills I tell you.)
With Mini-Me COMPLETELY knackered after school and Princess CHEWING on ANYTHING or ANYONE who got close enough to her,  I was slightly stressed. 
 I carried Princess AND the shopping bags around, while pushing the feckin pram. Mini-Me was complaining about EVERYTHING, providing a CONSTANT soundtrack in protest to my obvious cruelty and I was up to my tits with “the looks” from innocent bystanders in the Shopping Centre who had to endure our NOISE.
THEN, I almost had a complete MENTAL FREAK OUT on a shop owner who tried to tell me they “Don’t do refunds on ANYTHING” when I tried to return a dress that was store-damaged. 
Little Miss Continuous Soundtrack takes the volume it up a notch just to make sure that MY slightly raised volume doesn’t surpass hers, Princess’s new tooth is causing her to be the crankiest cretur ever and she’s now joined in the song of protest in support of her sister and I’m pretty sure that the shop owner is beginning to realise that she is about to bare the brunt of an epic S-Mum bolloking. (Or possibly, my two little shebitcheepoos are genuinely terrifying her?)
Shop Policy bent just this once.  

Really?

Oh thank you.  Shall I grovel in thanks because you’ve, you know…adhered to the fecking LAW that allows  me to return faulty goods? 

Eh no.

Seriously…  😡😲😡😲😡😲
I’d had enough! Enough of the noise and the protests and the CRYING and the NONSENSE Dumbass “Shop Policy” and the snotters and my face being chewed and the … you get the picture.

It was time to leave. 😣
I was either going to cry, or get arrested. 

Being arrested would possibly have resulted in some Me-time in a small quiet space… at that particular moment, it wasn’t the WORST thing that could have happened! 😂😂
We headed for the car and THEN the worst thing DID happen.

I remembered I had to go to the butchers. 😥
And that was where the Lovely man with the Small Sausages saved the feckin day! 😂😂😂
I’m ordering chicken and mince.
Mini-Me has stopped crying but is still talking at the top of her voice about ANYTHING.
“MAMMY LOOK AT ALL THE SAUSAGES,”

“We’re getting chicken pet.”

“MAMMY I JUST WUUUUUUB SAUSAGES”.

“No sausages today. Mammy’s buying chicken.”

“OH MAMMY LOOOOOOK! LOOK AT THE BABY SAUSAGES! Aren’t they SOOOOOOO CUTE?” 😣

(Butcher is laughing.)

“Hewooooo Witto SAUSAGES.  AW they’re sooooo cute Mammy…”
And then ANGEL MAN, who is finishing putting my order into the bag, did the NICEST THING EVER.
He lifted a dozen of the cute sausages into a bag, tied it and handed it to her as a present.🌟🌟🌟
Small Sausages, Big Smiles…

For both of us.  
I had the HAPPIEST little lady skip along side me to the car, where Princess FINALLY took a nap and my blood pressure reduced rapidly.
So there you go.

The smallest act of kindness to a dishevelled SuperMum really does have a huge impact.
Never underestimate the power of kindness.
And Thank you💙 to the lovely Butcher👤 if he ever reads this. 
Sometimes, even Small sausages can make a Mamma smile! 😉😅😉😅

#littlethings #mummyblogger #kindness #stressedoutmamma #thepowerofsausages

I am So-mortified-AGAIN Mum! 😅

Posted in blog, children, family by

​Don’t you just LOVE kids?
4 and a half year olds are particularly adorable.
I have one you know.

 I’m really quite proud of the little toot.

She’s pretty, cute and funny and gives me endless hours of laughter and joy and of course the main one…utter and ABSOLUTE MORTIFICATION.
So frequently do I currently find myself wishing that the ground would open up, that one could mistake me for an archaeologist.

Except, I don’t want to uncover bones or history…

I want to climb in beside the bloody bones and turn back time.
Shop.

Today.

Well behaved Mini-Me being suspiciously sweet and quiet.💗

Then,

Check out.😈😈😈
We were waiting in the queue, behind a lovely lady who was possibly just out of the gym.

Her hair was scraped back and she was very tall and sans muckup.  She looked like a wonderfully normal woman, minding her own business.
The DOLLY looks up at her and I can suddenly see what is JUST ABOUT TO HAPPEN unravel before it actually does.

It’s slow motion… 😲😲😲😲😲
I try in vain to distract her and to change the subject before she opens her pretty loud little beak.

I fail miserably because, in the loudest WHISPER you have EVER HEARD, she announces:

 “Mammy it’s MISS TWUNCHBULL!”


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It’s  out and before I get a chance to shush her, she misunderstands that I might not have heard her the first time, so she shouts it again…sans whisper.
I start some ridiculous sing song about reading James and the Giant Peach when we get home, praying she didnt hear, and eventually have to courage to look up at Miss-not-at-all-like-the-Trunchbull to see if she’s  going to seing me over the fence by my pigtails!
She seems oblivious and is paying the check-out attendant.  PHEW!
The attendant, however, is not oblivious.

He is trying with great difficulty to stifle his laughter.
The unknowing star of our Roald Dahl inspired show leaves the shop and he buckles. 😂😂

“OH GOD I’M MORTIFIED!” I say, scarlet faced.
“I’ve seen worse Love” he laughs.
I pay and leave with Mini-Me  trotting behind me, quite happy with herself and having NO CLUE how close she was to getting Mammy locked in the fricken Chokey.
And she’s lucky that there is no Chokey in S-Mumble Hill…
It’s Mortification Monday. 😅😅
How was your day? 😙😙😙😙

I am Stupid o’Clock Mum

Posted in children, family, parenting by

​Some of the things Mini-Me said last night between 11.30pm and 3.21am…
☆”Hulk is under my bed.” (Note to self…kick The Him if/when I get back to bed. Fecking stupid Avengers movies.
☆”I need bainne.” (Milk) (Nope because then you’ll be even more awake ANDneed a pee.)
☆”My room needs tidied.”  (Reeeeeeally? At 2am? THAT’s when you acknowledge that this room is a mess?)
☆”Look at theshapadiswoom!” followed by an eye-roll and a pretty impressive Tut tut. (And yet you still won’t clean it in the morning, which is nearly FECKIN HERE ALREADY!) 😢😢😢
☆ “The Sky’s awake, so I’m awake.” (If I ever get my hands on the prick who wrote that shit…it’s NOT SO ADORABLE AT STUPID O’CLOCK.)
☆ “I need water!” (“Mummy can’t go up to the kitchen when the alarm is on pet.” 

TAKE THAT MINI-ME!!! 

“Der’s water beside your bed Mammy.”  

DAMMIT! 😡😡😡
☆”I hear FOR!” (THOR) “He’s outside my window!” (No, he isn’t Sweetheart … as much as Mammy would LOVE to meet Thor and his hammer in the dark… 😂 😈😈😈)
☆ “I’ve alweady been to sleep TWO TIMES tonight!”  (Seriously…her logic and debating skills would make a politician look as useless as a chocolate teapot…)
☆ 3.20am “You can go back to your own bed now Mammy, I need to go to sleep.” 

(Are you serious?)


Then at 8am, (🎶singing🎶)…”Good Morning, Good Moooooorning, we’ve slept da whole night fruu!” in the hallway, just loud enough to ensure that Princess joins in with “Mamamamam!”

(Are you shitting me?)
 S-Mum kicks The Him 👤, who I know went to bed last night assuming it was his turn for a Sunday morning sleep-in.
S-Mum growls and hisses like a rabid badger, offers some obscenities and expletives about getting EVERYONE OUT, followed by “I only got to bed at 3.45…pleeeeeeeeease…I just need another hour!” 

(Why I still feel the need to exaggerate the time, necause 3.21am wasn’t late enough, I don’t know!)
And so, today, I’m knackered and SHE is like a bag of feckin rattlesnakes, coiled up and ready to attack ANYONE who dares speak to her. 😂😂😂
How fun…😅
Thank you to #glammymammy Nicole for sending me this image.

Enjpy the last few hours of the weekend S-mumblies. Xxxx

I am Sweet Jebus will you SSSSSH Mum!

Posted in blog, children, parenting, wine by

​Today was a proud day.

One of great achievements and memorable moments…
Yes, ACHIEVEMENTS and MEMORABLE MOMENTS…
The biggest of these being Mini-Me’s greeting to me as I walked into a VERY busy restaurant to meet herself and The Him for lunch after her first day at school.
“HI MAMMY I HAD A GREAT DAY AND I DIDNT EVEN PEE MY PANTS!”
And no, my Caps Lock DIDN’T just get jammed.  
I am trying to convey the FECKIN VOLUME of her exclamation of her great ACHIEVEMENT.
And the best fun?

As I hushed her and sat down whispering “Good Girl, but please don’t be shouting that or others will hear you”, the lady behind us laughed and announced, “Oh! We’ve heard this already! She’s had a great day haven’t you Sweetie?” 😲
What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck?😣😣😣
I looked at The Him who was buckled laughing.  
APPARENTLY, our gorgeous little munchkin had walked in the front door when they arrived and PROUDLY announced to the OWNER and ALL of his customers,  “Martin, I started  big school AND I DIDN’T PEE MY PANTS!”😲😂😂😂
At the top of her voice, of course!
So yes.

Great ACHIEVEMENTS  and MEMORABLE MOMENTS. 😂
Just not the ones I thought I’d be writing about today… you know… on the day that my first born started school!

But sure hey!
She had a great day and she didn’t pee her pants and she wants to go back tomorrow, so I think that’s a result all round, don’t you?
So yes… Mummy deserves a grapejuice. 🍷
Hope all the Minions got on well back at school. 😙😙😙


Enjoy normality Ladybelles!
Check out the S-mumblings on my Facebook page… @secretsofsmum 

I am Soooo a Finalist Mum!

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​Ok.

I have news…
Who would like to celebrate with S-Mum on this Tuesday evening? 
 Guess who is a Littlewoods Ireland Blog Awards 2016 FINALIST?
In BOTH categories! 😲😲😲

I’m fricken gobsmacked Ladybelles.

Thank you to everyone who voted for me.  I truly appreciate ALL of your support.💗
When I was nominated, I was chuffed.  Getting long-listed and then shortlisted was one surprise after another, but this is AMAZING!


Now, there is the small matter of an awards ceremony in Dublin on the 15th.
Wtf does one wear to a Circus themed party? 😂😂😂
I’m about to start the sticking on of the labels on the school stuff for Mini-Me here.  I shall now be doing so while looking like the Cheshire Cat. 😂


And I think I deserve a wee drinkeepoo, don’t you?
Cheers Supermums. 🍷💗🍷💗🍷💗🍷
#LWIBloggies #LWIBlogawards2016 #LWIBloggies2016 #SMum #finalist