I am Some FriYay Reminders Mum

Rejoice! Rejoice!

It is Friyay…the FIRST Friyay after a FULL week of school and work and routine. And we have all survived. (albeit just about, but survive we have.)

We may be frazzled and fooked Mammies, but still we must find the energy to REJOICE in the Fact that we have made it to the most wonderful evening of the week.

This week, after a long and sunniful summer,I am back to being a Full-time Mammy with a Full-time Job-job. What have I learned? Nothing. But I have remembered many things; Things that I had suffocated and locked in a tattered old box at the back of the memory part of my subconscious, but which now bounce back to the forefront of my ridiculously tired little mind.

girldog

Tired Children:

  1. Tired children are cranky.  
  2. Tired children like to find a reason, ANY reason, to cry.
  3. Tired children do not KNOW that they are tired.  
  4. Tired children refuse to admit that they are tired.
  5. Tired children will bite one another.
  6. Tired children do not like to go to their beds, regardless of how tired they are.
  7. Tired children like to wake up at 2am and play with their toys, with the light on, noisily enough to waken everyone so that they have someone to tell that they are NOT tired.
  8. Tired children do NOT like to get dressed in the morning.
  9. Tired children do NOT like it when you bounce into their bedrooms at 7am singing “Good Morning, Good Moooooooorning!,  opening curtains and declaring that it is time for school. (Especially the not tired children who have been up half the night playing with their fecking toys.)
  10. Tired children like to say “No” and “No” and sometimes, “Noooooo!” to absolutely EVERYTHING that Tired Mammy asks or suggests.

annoyed

And along with tired children, comes the Tired Mammy.  But as well as being a tired Mammy, Mammy ALSO has to be SUPER-ORGANISED Mammy.

  1.  Mammy needs to keep on top of the fridge situation.  
  2. Mammy needs to pack lunchboxes and school bags and afterschool bags.
  3. Mammy needs to remember the fecking HORROR that is HOMEWORK.  
  4. Mammy needs to think about dinners sooner than when she opens the fridge at 6pm.  
  5. Mammy needs to set her alarm to make sure she gets out of bed 30 minutes before everyone else if Mammy wants to pee, shower and have a coffee all by herself.
  6.  Mammy needs to be an intelligent and functioning adult.  
  7. Mammy needs to rid her brain of references to Peppa Pig and Andy and Bing because they are not relevant to Macbeth and teenagers do NOT respond well to them.
  8. Mammy needs to try to keep the washing basket from puking and Mammy needs to arrange everyone’s clothes before bedtime.
  9. Mammy needs to remain relatively Wifely and interesting enough to hold a brief conversation with Tired Daddy when he comes home from Jim.
  10. And Mammy needs to get used to wearing stupid heels and muckup every single day.  (I’ll last until the end of September…)
  11. Mammy needs to cram all of the Mammying and playing and cuddling and scolding and fun into 3 hours in the evening, while being JUST as tired as her beloved Tired Children who are determined to PUNISH her tired ass for abandoning them in school and creche. (Even though they both LOVE where they go and actually CRY when they are collected.)
  12. Mammy struggles with balancing the Mammy guilt when she’s away from them, and the urge to sell them on ETSY when she’s spent an hour being screamed at and cried at by her Tired Minions.
  13. Mammy can’t win.

In conclusion.  Mammy does indeed need to rejoice that she has made it to Friday night, has the tired minions in bed, her feet up and the grapes poured.  And now Mammy needs all of her Lovely Supermums to say Hello and remind her of what I have been missing while abandoning you all this week while trying to keep 286 plates spinning without falling off her heels and onto her poor,  muck-uped, Mammy-guilty face.

Because as Tired as the two Dollies are, and despite the fact that I had to WAKE them every morning this week, I guarantee that the little farts shall be up at 6.30am tomorrow…

Why?

Because it’s Saturday of course.  

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Cheers Bitcheepoos. xxx

I am Spin & Rinse Them Mum

How often do you do your washing then?

And by washing, I mean your kids?

Are you one of those Mammies I envy who can manage to wash their Minions every night? With a peaceful and practiced routine which includes fluffy towels, Pink skin amd Smiling cherubs?

Or are you like me?

The shameful excuse for a Mammy who gives them a deep clean once a week and sometimes throws them in for a rinse and spin midweek if there’s a chance that social services might be called as a result of the spud-growing levels of soil which could be ploughed under their Nails…

For whom the thought of wrestling the two skinnyarses out of the bath, (getting them INTO it is never a challenge!), Screams at the hairdrying regardless of how much conditioner is used and the general BOMBSITE into which the house descends, are enough to make Mammy consider grapes at 5pm…

The Mammy of the kids who are the OPPOSITE of the angels who get tired by a bath at bedtime? The kids who absorb the energy of the feckin water through their pores and end up BOUNCING for 45 minutes after being exorcised… sorry extracted, from the bubbles. (Yes even the lullaby-ing lavender-y Spensive bubbles).

Regardless of which of these you are, as long as they’re happy, does it REALLY matter how dirty they are?

And really, a dirty child is a healthy child yeah?
And the smell of a clean minion is short-lived anyway isn’t it?

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And really, how often we do our washing is the same amount of other people’s business as how many times a day we fart, is it not? 

 

Have you found me on Bookface and Instagranny yet?

 

I am Suddenly Loving Routine Mum

Today’s Thoroughly Modern Mammy for Donegal Woman 🙂 

 

Oh how I do love being at home with my girlies.

Oh how I so looked forward to the Christmas holidays.

Oh how wonderful the 2 weeks away from the reality of work and routine were.

And yet oh! How wonderful it is to be back to normality.

girls

Where will we go today Mammy?

By the time the alarms went off on Monday morning, this Mammy for one, was glad. It wasn’t the thought of going back to work that excited me, (although the prospect of drinking a FULL cup of coffee while it was hot and having some adult conversation was calling in fairness!)

No. What Mammy was most glad about was that the girls were going to get back into routine. Because Mammy can safely say after the Christmas break, that my two little Dollies NEED routine.

Yes the longer snoozes in the morning were nice. And yes, it was nice not having to worry if they weren’t in bed at the normal time. But after the mayhem of Christmas (and the fact that Mammy here had succumbed to the flu and so we were housebound for the final few days of the break), cabin fever had set in and the girls were craving normality.

This week was long. Monday morning Mini-Me actually cried when I woke her at 7am.

Tuesday morning, she asked me “Why are you waking me in the middle of the niiiiiight?”

By Wednesday, they were completely knackered!

Thursday evening was a struggle to keep Princess awake past 6pm, and by Friday evening? Well, let’s just say, meltdowns all around. (Read about it here!)

And on Saturday morning? When everyone SHOULD have been able to sleep on? 7am. “Maaaaaaaaammy!” Up and at it, bright and ever so feckin breezy!

And so now, it is Sunday again, and I’m out doing the weekly shop and trying to plan for the busy week ahead, and thinking about uniforms and schedules … and counting down the days until midterm!

planner

I love this weekly fridge door planner from Penneys. 

And while I miss the girls when I’m at work and I feel terrible about leaving them during the week, THEY do better when they have school and childcare and routine and normality.

I don’t know why, but everyone seems a bit more content.

Mini-Me likes to know what day it is, when she needs her PE gear, what’s for tea, what nights Daddy will tuck her in and that weekends are “family-time”.

She likes to know that Mammy is early picking her up on Wednesdays and to have dinner at the same time in the evening.

She appreciates no homework on a Friday evening and that Saturday seems to take on a magical new sense of excitement and importance.

And so does Mammy.

So indeed, Mammy is already counting down to the next break from routine, but Mammy is also enjoying the weird contentment that comes to everyone in the house, when we are right in the middle of our humdrum, boring, normal, day-to-day, uneventful and ever so wonderful routine!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

I am Starving the Minions Mum

Is Mammy the ONLY Mammy whose minions spend the entire day either with their nappies sticking out of the fridge, or raiding through the cupboards?

This Fudgemonster currently eats 12 meals a day, not counting snacks hidden in secret stashes or cereal eaten off the floor. This was taken 20 minutes after her SECOND breakfast this morning. 😂

I’ve had to take the safety lock OFF the press which contains the bleach and chemicals. It is now on the fridge…

And it seems that there is a limbo or vortex of some sort between our house and next door. No matter how much they eat here, from the second they walk through the door of Granny’s, they EAT. Not only do they eat, they actually BEG. They whine as if they’re STARVING and scobe the food offered into them so fast, that the Grandparents most certainly exchange eyebrow raises over their starved little heads and genuinely wonder if I actually feed them AT ALL over in the torture pit of child hell that is my own house.

Poor unfed, unloved minions. Bad Mammy who never feed them. 😂

So now, with them going back to school and playschool for 5 full days a week, my biggest fear is NOT how they’ll adapt, or settle in, or survive without me… nope. I am seriously concerned that they won’t manage to ONLY eat at breaktimes and lunchtimes. I fear that they shall fade away without the constant drip of food from my poor, knackered cupboards. I expect the childcare facility to send me extra bills for all the EXTRA food that this doll will insist on eating every day.

I wonder if I should smuggle in some extra snacks in their bags? 😂😂😂😂

I am Start-getting-organised Mum!

​So it’s time to get organised!
Tonighy, I am too exhausted to be wittiful or funniful, but I do hope to be slightly helpful. 😚
I started using this technique👇👇👇 when Mini-Me began attending Naíonra last year.  
Mornings are very stressful in every house, and while this won’t guarantee peaceful Little-House-on-the-Prairie scenes of family love and  peace and zen, it REALLY helps.
I put her clothes, clean vest, pants and socks in to each one and used the bottom drawer for shoes.  

Now that she’ll be in a uniform, it’ll be the underwear really, and her PE gear will be in whichever day she needs it.  

If you can get them into the habit of putting their shoes in once they are taken off, it saves THE BIGGEST NIGHTMARE each morning…the “GO AND GET YOUR FECKING SHOES!” debacle? (Drives me insane! 😂)
I was desperate to get some calm and routine into our house, so thought it was worth a try.

It was.
It helped HER to take a little bit of responsibility for herself.  🌟

 It helps instil an understanding of the days of the week as well as word recognition. 🌟

  It makes them feel grown up and most importantly, it made ME get organised!😂
For the first few weeks, I was Mary Fricken Poppins on a Sunday night. 😂  It didn’t last long, but I did remain in the habit of making sure that the drawer was full at bedtime each night. 

And it really did make mornings SOOOOOO much more relaxed. (I ALMOST bought one for myself! 😂)
Right now, it’s full of bibs and cloth nappies and God Knows What, but tomorrow we are going to make colourful new labels, because in fairness, compared to these 👇👇👇👇 two aesthetically pleasing examples, my white decorated with a Sharpie attempt (top right! 😣😣) is a bit shite isn’t it? 


So try it!

These drawers are easily found, and already in most homes, and to be honest, sticking labels on the wardrobe or chest of drawers they already have,works just as well!  

 Get them to help you make the labels so they have ownership of the whole project.
Kiddies are clever and love structure.

Mammies are desperate and love calm.
Give it a go and let me know how you find it? Or share YOUR tips for Magically-Mayhem-Free Mornings?
S-Mum 😙