Laughing so hard that you snort…then laughing that you snorted.
Snorting is for pigs, but sometimes, it happens to the best of us!
It isn’t the most gracious or ladylike thing to do, yet yesterday, I did it…in public.
So proud of myself was I after Wednesday’s achievement of getting Mini-Me to school, that I began to feel in control of things. You know? This Yummy Mummy was in charge again. I was no longer recovering from “the Section”. I was fully recovered. Fully. Physically and mentally. Completely and utterly in charge of my world again. Well, I thought I was.
Yesterday morning, leaving Princess snoring on top of Daddy, I dropped Mini-me to school again (Yay me!!) and went into town to run a few errands.
By 11.45am, I’d ticked off the to-do list, brought coffee home to Hubby, squeezed in a 2km power walk, grabbed a quick shower and had my eyebrows waxed! The sun was shining. It truly was a beautiful day, and I was indeed Supermum.
I drove back to the school to lift Mini-me at mid-day, full of the joys of January. On days like these, “I have Confidence in me” from The Sound of Music often pops into my head, and so I was singing to Princess (as loudly as only the privacy of your car allows) as I drove.
Pulling into the car park, I saw that the class were in the Playground. Double Yay! I was now able to drive up to the gate and collect Mini-me without having to disturb Princess, who was somehow sleeping despite the noise of my singing.
I stepped…no bounced…out of the car and waved at Mini-Me. Her little face lit up and she ran towards me, with a face full of happiness, shouting gleefullly “Maaaaaaaaammeeeeeee!!”
Screw The Sound of Music… this was a Little House on the bloody Prairie moment. All was right with the world.
I was greeted by Mini-me’s teacher. She’s chirpy and lovely in that infectious way that only a pre-school teacher can be. She was smiling at me. Yes. A little more than usual.
“Hi there!” she said. Were her lips twitching at the corners?
“Hi! How was she today?” I was obviously paranoid.
“Great! No bother!” I swear she’s trying not to laugh.
She puts her hand into her coat pocket, pulling out a little plastic bag.
I recognise the bag as the reserved for soiled pants type and think “Oh crap. She’s had a wee accident.” And I simultaneously remember that I forgot to put a spare pair in her bag. I’m expecting the “We had a wee accident. It’s OK, we found a spare pair in her drawer” line.
Instead I get “Did you dress her in the dark this morning?” Yup. She’s laughing. I’m not paranoid.
“No? Why?” My brain is now whizzing back through my perfect and productive Supermumesque morning. I’m replaying the dressing of the child and nothing is standing out to me as unusual. It was all pretty calm actually.
“She was wearing two pairs of pants!” laughs teacher, handing me the little plastic bag.
What? How was she wearing two pairs of pants? That’s just ridiculous.
But then Mini-me looks up at me and squeels “I had TWO pants on my butt. Silly Mammy!” She’s delighted with herself.
I’m horrified. This is not the kind of thing that I do. I’m in charge. I’m sensible. I’m completely organised thank you!
I feel my face turning pink. My full face now matches the two strips of pink on my freshly plucked eye-brows.
I look at Teacher, who is now giggling unapologetically…As is her colleague who has been cleaning a little boy’s nose beside us.
This is one of those moments that you read about in novels. It’s the type of moment that you cringe at; that makes you laugh at the silliness of the poor Mum, safe in the knowledge that it’ll never happen to you!
I was wondering how the hell to react, but before my brain could send a sensible reaction signal to the rest of my mortified body, I snaughled.
I threw my head back and laughed; then I snorted; then I laughed some more.
Teachers were laughing.
Mini Me was laughing.
I had spontaneously combusted and the embarrassment subsided as the hillarity of the situation became clear.
“At least her bottom was warm!” I managed.
I put the offending plastic bag in my pocket, said Goodbye to the teachers and set Mini-me into her carseat.
I vowed that I’ll have my coffee before I dress her in future.
It’s not a big deal. It’s hilarious. And at least the teachers were able to say it to me, rather than laugh about me behind my back. At least I didn’t send her out without pants!
There’s no greater feeling than a good laugh. And it’s even more refreshing when it’s completely at yourself! Even if I did snort!
And this little Piggy snaughled…all the way home.
I am Snaughling-Mum. xx
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