Don’t you just love Instagranny?
The instanty instantaneous instanial portrayals of fabulosity and perfection. The filters. The hashtags. The generally innocent fun…
The absolute instabullshit that it is. 😂
Now, don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy the Instagranny. I like posting funky and funny snaps of my day and I HAVE been known to post pictures where I happily look like a spotty, wrinkly badger’s arse, my house is akin to a Game of Thrones Battlefield and other such real life crap #nofilter.
But of course, I also like to post pretties. I don’t usually filter if I’m honest, but whatever, who cares right?
Well, we should care.
Because we need to understand that what we are seeing on Instagranny is usually a load of fabricated instashite. I can create a veil of instaperfection to hide anything.
I did it today.
If you look at my profile, you’ll see smiles, cuteness, playtime and fresh aired fun.
But here are some of the things that happened today that I didn’t insta:
I woke up with a splitting sinus headache and really thought I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.
Of course, I HAD to get out of bed! 😂
By 9am I had shouted at Mini-Me 4 times. She had ignored me 13.
We stayed in our PJs until 2pm.
I mopped the floors and 34 minutes later, had to get the hoover out again. I swore a bit.
Princess cried for no apparent reason for a full hour, then poonamied.
No one ate their dinner.
Princess got her hand stung by a nettle.😭
My skin looks like pizza.
I need a shower.
I feel a tad emotional as it’s a special person’s anniversary today. 💙💙
I said “Get off the dog” and “get off your sister” 369 times, sometimes in the same breath. 😂
Mini-Me cried hysterically when I made the mistake of mentioning that the flowers she picked were alive… (more on that another night.)
Then, Just before bed, when I thought we’d FINALLY made it to “calm time”, Princess pulled a plate of cold uneaten pasta all over herself and my (newly feckin mopped) floor and Mini-Me decided to faceplant the tiles in the hall and scream for 15 minutes. (She’s fine thank God, but I can still hear the bang of her hitting the floor.)😭
But the BEST one? 🤐🤐
As I was putting the toothpaste on her toothbrush, Princess walked up behind me and…
BIT ME ON THE ASS.
Yup, she ACTUALLY BIT ME.
On my ass.
I thought she was giving me one of her “leghugs”, but nooooooo. She sank her little teeth right into my upper thigh. And holy Christ, she has some jaw strength.
I am bruised.
Now, if I had had the wherewithall, time or energy to instagranny all of THAT ☝☝☝ ,
1. I’d actually be a shit mum because it would have taken hours
2. My account probably would have been shut down for public health and child protection breaches
3. No one would think I was instaperfect and that would be instaterrible 😂😂😂 #sarcasm
A wee reminder that what we are looking at on our instafeeds and of course, EVERYWHERE else, is NOT ALWAYS REAL.
We don’t tend to share the shite parts, or indeed the NORMAL parts of our day. Today, feeling as grumpy and fooked off as I am, I consciously posted only the lovelies. They make me smile. They might make you smile. (My girls ARE adorable yes, I shall give them that.)
But if nothing else, the image below is only a SNAP of the full day. A normal day. A typical day. A not very exciting, but satisfactory day nonetheless.
Ok, I don’t get bit on the ass every day, but I do have instaperfectly insta-IMperfect days.
How was your day?
(PS… Black and white works wonders on badger’s arse syndrome! 😂😂😘)