Things I learned about the capabilities of my “Twoublemaker” today…
1. She can delete and uninstall apps on my phone much more effectively than I can.
2. She knows how to unlock my phone.
3. She knows how to lock my car.
I found THIS particular gem out today, when she locked it… while she and Mini-Me were IN it… and Mammy was NOT.
Sweet Jeebus Ladybelles. If ever there was something to make Mammy want a gin on a Monday night…
Have you ever thought about how something could happen, JUST as it happens? She had the keys in her hand, having swiped them out of my pocket as I strapped her in. I was on the other side of the car, strapping her sister into HER (hellfienduselesspieceofcrapthatitis) carseat and just as I closed the door, I remembered that Princess had the keys.
I swear to God, the 0.12 seconds it took my hand to go for the handle and for my brain to register that her LOCKING the fecking thing was even a possibility, were slow motion.
Just as I tried to pull it open, I heard the sound; the heavy, chunking clunking sound that told me that she had indeed locked the car.
“Faaaaaak, I’ve locked them in!” calls Mammy to no one in particular.
2 seconds later and I’m trying to get Mini-Me to unbuckle her straps and to get the keys off her Divil of a shitster. She’s trying to follow my instructions through the closed window and then I remember the guy who sold me the car a few weeks ago, saying something about an alarm.
And then it happens.
The alarm that is indeed standard in my yok, began to scream at me. Mini-me began to scream at me, and because she had just procured the keys from the culprit, Twoublemaker ALSO was screaming.
Mammy? Mammy wanted to scream, but instead Mammy remained very calm and talked Mini-Me through how to open the car, calmly and rationally like in a hostage negotiator… In MY head anyway. I possibly looked and sounded more like a a drunk Granny who’s losing at charades after Christmas dinner.
Anyway, by this stage 2 hours had passed. Or rather 23 second, but the owner of the playschool, and funnily enough my next door neighbour, had come running and so even if she hadn’t gotten the doors to pop, I’m pretty sure there would have been a crowbar or a hammer in hand quickly.
Once I heard the clunky chunky sound again, my two knees nearly went from under me in pure relief. I hugged Mini-me and told her how WONDERFUL she was and promised her treats and hot chocolate as a reward for saving the day.
Of course, when the adrenalin had left me, I also used it as an excuse to remind her “See how brilliant you are when you listen to Mammy and follow instructions? You are the BEST GIRL EVER!”
And yes, OF COURSE, Mammy learned a lesson other than that my car has an alarm.
I learned TWO lessons actually.
1. NEVER give a twoublemaker your car keys and
2. Maybe I should have listened to the salesman when he was going through the features of the car rather than wondering what I should wear to look uber FabMammy on my first day driving!
The S-Mum 