Category Archives: family

I am Smile-and-Nod Mum!

Posted in children, family, parenting, swear words, toddlers, Uncategorized by

People generally dislike swear words.  There’s an unwritten rule that some swear words are worse than others.

The B-words are widely tolerated.  The F-word…not so much.  The C-word? Don’t even go there! Some words are acceptable.   Some are simply not.

It’s like childbirth.  It’s okay to say certain things to a new Mamma. And there are some things you SHOULD NEVER SAY…and yet people usually do.

On the other side of things, there are responses that new mammas would love to say out loud (usually with some of the aforementioned expletives carefully inserted!)…and yet they usually don’t.

So here are just a few such things that I’ve heard recently… to which mostly, my response was to politely smile/laugh/nod.  But what I was really thinking usually contained expletives. Shock Horror!

  1.  “Oh you had a section?” (Usually accompanied by an expression of either sympathy or disapproval.)        Yes. I had a section.  It’s the most fun thing in the world ever! (*Sarcasm… see previous post “I am Section Mum.”
  2. “How’s your scar healing?”    Fabulously thank you.  How’s your vagina doing?
  3. “Sure the second section is much easier than the first.”                 Is it really? My body obviously didn’t get that particular memo.
  4. “You shouldn’t be up and about so quickly.”    OK.   You’re so right.  I’ll tell the toddler look after herself. What am I thinking!?
  5. “Oh? You’re not breastfeeding?”  (There’s that look again.  Its becoming quite frequent.)           No.  I’ve made a decision to not give my baby the best start in life.  I’m a selfish failure and I deserve your disapproval and judgement.  Thanks for that.
  6. “You’re not going back to the gym already surely? Sure there’s nothing wrong with you!” (Yep…there’s that look again!)         Yes.  I am, because I enjoy training and I want to. It’s as simple as that.  Last week I actually replied “God yes. I need to lose at least 4 stone.”  That’s an exaggeration, but it was worth it to see the look of disapproval morph into one of utter disgust.
  7. “OMG! I didn’t expect to see you out so soon! You’re some Doll!” (Expression of disapproval added to at sight of very large glass of wine in my hand.)          I’m so sorry if my decision to venture away from my baby for a few hours makes you uncomfortable. It actually took a lot of nerve, encouragement from Hubby and support of my friends to get here tonight… but all you see is the wine.
  8. “Where’s the baby tonight?”   At home with the Dog of course…where else?
  9. You’re OK leaving the baby with her Daddy? (Yup…cue that expression again!)  Erm… is this a trick question? YES!!! He is afterall, her Daddy? He did make half of her and he’s just as entitled to (Shock Horror!) look after her all by himself as I am!
  10. “Is Daddy babysitting?”  Noooooooo…. Daddy is looking after his daughters while Mammy does the shopping/has a coffee/pops to town for an hour. He is not hired or paid by the hour.  I do not feel the need to leave snacks on the coffee table or to go through her routine before I leave.  He’s as (Shock Horror!) able to care for her as I am.

I could go on.

Yes, most of these things were said with the greatest of good intentions, but still.  They were said…in some cases by numerous people.

I’m sure I could add more.  I’m sure many of you could add your own.  It’s a terrible thing to be judged, (intentionally or not), especially by other mummies, but the easiest thing to do is to smile and nod and remember that you can say as many swear words in your head as you like, and no one can judge you for that!

I am Smile-and-Nod Mum.

 

 

I am Soon to be Mum…again!

Posted in family, Uncategorized by

Well it’s almost time.

The hospital bags are packed and in the car.

The to-do lists are almost all done.

The house has been wrecked and cleaned to the point that one would be forgiven for assuming that we’re hosting a Station Mass.

The Husband is exhausted (well, he thinks he is!) and the Mini-me is bouncing off the walls with excitement.

And me?

I’m absolutely bricking it.

I think that even after nearly 10 months of being pregnant, (tell me please where the magic number 9 came from?), it only hit me that there’s an actual baby arriving when I opened the box of baby clothes last week to begin washing.  When I lifted the first little vest out of the “0-3 neutral” box, my heart almost stopped.

To me, my Mini-Me is still a baby.  She’s almost 4 and taller than most 5 year olds, but she’s my wee baby.  She’s in pre-school and growing more independent by the day, but she’s only a baby…to me.

As I emptied the little vests and babygrows, I was thrown back in time and could clearly see her brand new little self, dressed in each outfit.  I could even remember the first time she wore some of the outfits;  the oooohs! and aaaahs! of family members when they saw the little outfits on her; how I felt all grown up dressing my real-life Dolly in the adorable pieces.  And it stirred up a barrage of emotions that I really don’t have the words for.

Mini-me is excited about being a Big Sister.  She has been practicing on dolls and we talk about the new baby all the time.  Baby Bubba, (as she calls my belly), is coming to live with us soon.  And while she can’t wait, I’m terrified as she doesn’t quite understand what’s ahead of her.

No longer will she be the absolute, single and only centre of our world.  No longer will the bedtime routine be all about her.  No longer will I be able to read three bedtime stories just because I can.

She’s going to have to learn a whole new set of skills; how to share, how to wait until Mammy or Daddy are able to give her attention; how to be the Big Sister.

big sis1

In one of my hormonal snotfests recently, I admitted to Hubby that my biggest fear is not being able to be mammy to both of my babies.  I’m more afraid of Mini-Me feeling left out or unloved, than I am of giving birth.

I’m afraid of how she’s going to cope while I’m in hospital.  I’m dreading her being told that it’s time to go home at the end of visiting hours.  I’m terrified that she’s going to decide that we’re not keeping the baby! (I have it on authority from another S-Mum that this can happen…)

I’m petrified that she’s going to, at some point, have to stand back and watch another little person getting the attention that she’s always had the monopoly on.

In short, I’m just bloody terrified.

And yet, rational me knows that she’s not the first child to become a big sister.

I’m the eldest of 6 and at no point in my life have I ever felt any of the things that I’m worried she’ll feel.  Having younger brothers and sisters has made me me. It has enriched my life and continues to provide fun every day, even in adulthood!  The companionship and certainty of friendship that siblings provide can never be measured and I know that Mini-me will thrive.

She’s going to be just fine.

big sis2

But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to worry.

I’m pregnant.  I’m emotional.  I’m probably a little teensy bit crazy, but I’m allowed to be.  I’m allowed the odd melt down.  I’m allowed to succumb to absolutely irrational notions that randomly pop into my head.  And anyone who wants to dismiss my fears as nonsense, is either very brave or very foolish. (Or they’ve never experienced being 28 months pregnant!)

And along side all of this crazy, I’m excited.  I can’t wait to finally meet the little munchkin who has been battering my insides so beautifully.  I can’t wait to see if the name we’ve chosen suits.  I can’t wait to see if there’s resemblance to Mini-Me.  I can’t wait to hear their little voice for the first time.  I can’t wait to see Mini-me’s face when she sees a real baby!  (I can’t wait to see my own toes and to no longer have cramps in my arse cheek every 45 minutes…but that’s a whole other post!)

Holding the vest reminded me that inside this abnormally HUMONGOUS and very uncomfortable bump, my next Mini is getting ready to come join in the madness of our home.  They too will wear the little vests and they too will stamp all over our hearts with their tiny wee feet.  They will love the Big Sister unconditionally and will be loved in return.

big sis3

And I can not wait.

I am Soon-to-be Mum. 🙂

 

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I am Sick-of-Screens Mum.

Posted in children, family, parenting, technology by

  SmartPhone_child1

Put down the screen Dad, I’m right over here.

I want you to look at me, give me your ear.

What I have to say will not wait till you’re done.

I want your attention.  I want to have fun.

Put down the screen Mum, it’s really not clear

Why you must stare at it when I am right here.

My problems and needs require only you.

I don’t understand “In a second”. Do you?

Because “in a second”, I’ve grown even more.

I’ve spilled the whole Lego box out on the floor.

I’ve fallen and cut myself, bumped my wee knee.

I’ve not quite made it to the toilet to wee;

And then you are scolding and I’m so confused.

Why didn’t you look at me, instead of your news?

What’s so important that you have to stare

At things that in five minutes, still will be there?

Your virtual friends are not really real,

They don’t hold your hand or care how your hugs feel.

They don’t need you right now. They don’t even care

If you like them or follow them.  They’re not really there.

So when you are with me, in real time, right now,

It’s much more important to think about how

You are my world, the one world I need.

My virtual, actual, only news feed.

So put down the screen and look into my eyes,

Because I’m getting so big and time really flies.

Replies, mail and comments will wait ’til I sleep.

Why not make memories that we can keep?

Why spend your time looking at what people share?

When all that you need in your life is right here,

Waiting and watching you stare at the screen

Wondering what I must do to be seen.

It’s very important to look at me now.

See what I’m doing and let me know how

There’s nothing more special or vital in life

Than your beautiful children, your husband, your wife…

So put down the screen Dad and look at me Mum.

Because you are missing the real life that comes

With real conversation, with playing, with fun…

The things that can’t be found by scrolling your thumb.

The true affirmation that you need each day,

Is patiently sitting here, trying to say

“I love you”; “I need you”; “I like you”; “You’re mine”…

So put down the screen please and give me your time.

kids text

I am Sick-of-Screens Mum.

When you do have time for screen time, follow S-Mum on Facebook!  But not when your kiddies want to play 🙂   https://www.facebook.com/Secretsofsmum

I am Somedays Mum

Posted in family, parenting, time, toddlers by

Some days are for wearing whatever concoction of clothing Mini-Me decides she wants to wear.

Some days are for twirling in sparkly dresses; around and around; just because. spinning

Some days are for snuggling into the soft mat and watching Sleeping Beauty – and all the extra features and trailers that we usually skip past.

Some days are for staying the PJs, for not even considering brushing hair or washing faces.

Some days are for stopping what I am doing to watch her dancing in her own wee world, instead of just being glad that she’s occupying herself for 5 minutes while I peel potatoes.

Somedays are for cracking eggs and baking cupcakes, and not worrying about the mess or how many pieces of shell end up on the counter.

Some days are for pretending to steal her little nose!

logic

Some days are for not doing very much housework, but just chatting to a three year old.  It’s amazing how the logic of our world can seem so ridiculous when a child explains how they see it. “Mammy, you get off that seat and go over there.  I have to push that seat and you’re still on it cos Percy Penguin needs to go swimming!”  Okay!

Some days are for cutting sandwiches into star shapes and making up stories about them.

Some days are for playing Hide n’ Seek.  Not just counting to appease her and then pretending I don’t see her for a few minutes; for actually stopping what I’m doing and playing it.  It’s amazing where this S-Mum can still fit when she puts her mind to it!

Some days are for just stopping to be glad that these Some days exist.

Some days are for making memories instead of catching them as they flit past.

Some days are for smiling. 🙂

I am Some days Mum. life laughing