Category Archives: parenting

I am Scary Clippers Mum 

Posted in children, parenting, Uncategorized by

Feck-it-up Friday seems an appropriate day for this smumble!  😘
Being pregnant is scary.  You worry about everything; the pregnancy, the birth, how you’ll be as a Mammy. You think about the things that are frightening you already, even before Baby arrives; feeding, burping, sickness, temperatures, exhaustion, “doing the right thing” etc etc.
But one of the worst experiences of being a Mammy is one that you would never even consider during pregnancy.  The true horror of this particular terror only enters your mind when you are faced with it for the first time.
I am of course referring to the “Cutting of the nails”.

The first time you realise that your minion’s nails might need trimmed, is a milestone. You remain calm. You pull out the little cute scissor and clipper set that came in a baby shower gift.  It’s no big deal.
And then, you hold the little clipper, hovering over their little soft nails, wondering wtf to do…
It’s possibly one of the worst fears you’ll ever experience.  What if she moves? What if your hand shakes? What if you cut him?

And yet, like every challenge you’ve faced in the past 10 months, you take a deep breath and go for it.  And most of the time, you are so careful that OF COURSE, you are succesful and the little nails get trimmed.
And the fear might lessen, but it never goes away.
You grow confident.

You get comfortable.

You stop thinking about it… and then it happens.
You nip his or her little finger, just ever so slightly, but enough to make them catch THEIR breath, start suddenly and then scream a cataclysmic howl that rips every shred of your being and soul to smithereens… It crushes you.
You drop the clippers. You instinctively pull the wee hand to your mouth. You kiss the fingers. You clutch the baby so close to you that you feel every molecule of her pain as you try in vain to sooth them.  You sob with them, trying so hard to calm them. You wish you could rewind 2 minutes. You curse yourself for being the worst Mammy in the world. You eventually find the baby settling a little, the screams gently easing to little wobbly lipped sobs.  You are afraid to look at the massacred finger, certain that there HAS to be blood everywhere and that you have scarred her for life.
But when you finally look at the little fingertip, chances are the nip is utterly tiny and simply a little more pink than usual.  Ok, so there might be a little cut, but it will disappear as instantly as it happened.

The FEELING however remains in you.  It never leaves.  It’s guilt.  It’s  regret.  It’s self loathing…
and like all the other milestones, it happens to all of us and it’s perfectly normal.
The first time is the worst.  If you’re lucky, it will not happen again.  But you WILL feel the same emotion again at some point, maybe when you step on her toe for the first time, or catch her finger in the drawer, of scratch her thigh with a ring while changing a poonami, or watch her fall right in front of you, but just out of your reach… the list is endless.
Unless you wrap your minions in bubblewrap, they are destined to get hurt. But when you know that the injury has been your fault, there is NOTHING that can make you feel worse.
(Unless you’re my sister, who recently sat a chair leg on Mini-Me’s toe. Mini-Me screamed for 15 minutes. My poor sister was devastated. I was rocking Mini-Me, soothing her while Granny held a cold cloth on her toe and simultaneously trying to convince the Aunty that it was absolutely fine and that she shouldn’t be upset, when Madam announced through her sobs “I…don’t…need….no….naunty….no….more!”  😂😂 THAT made her feel worse I think! 😅😅)
But I digress.
Yes, beware the Clippers.

But remember, that it’s just another Mammy milestone.
Any stories? Feel free to share. 👇👇👇
😘😘😘😘

I am Slight Bum Boke Mum

Posted in children, family, parenting, Uncategorized by

I’ve been a changing nappies since I was 10.   I am well used to super poos, or “The Poonami”, as I often refer to the most savage nappy explosions.

 

But today, just as I was looking at the clock for the 189th time wondering HOW THE FECK it was only 6.14pm, Princess decided to treat me to a new level of Poonami.

 

We were on Skype singing Happy Birthday to my nephew, when I got a whiff of puke.  Of vomit.  Of that distinct and unmissable pong of stale belly bile.  As I hastily hung up on the family in Scotland, (seriously wondering how they hadn’t smelled it), I checked to see if and where the Princess on my knee had puked.  She hadn’t, and so I blamed the hoodie she had insisted on pulling on her to go outside earlier.  

 

And then I realised that the smell of puke was NOT in fact of puke.  It was ACTUALLY of the Poonami in her nappy.  The explosion in the bum bag was so hideous, that I can not simply refer to it as a Poonami.  That would be unfair on the humble Poonami.  NO. What was (just about) being held in by the Bum Bag, was not a Poonami.  It was disgusting.  It was vile.  It was a new level of shite that I have not witnessed or seen before. (And remember please my love of red grapes and hot Indian dishes.)

 

Princess had not simply Pooed.  She had vomited out of her posterier.  She had Butt boked.  She had arse vomited.  Because what I cleaned up, should only ever be projectiled into the porcelain bowl.  It should NEVER exit the bottom of a Baby.

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Has she been unwell?  No.

Has she been off form? No.

Was she OK afterwards.  Hell yes.  She continued the evening as happy as a pig in the proverbial and light as a fecking feather.  She is cutting nasty big teeth, and normally, has a history of savage Poonamis while teething, but she must be cutting an 18ct gold Wisdom tooth tonight, because there was nothing normal about this.

 

I have never before, nor do I ever again, want to experience the Arse Puke.  The vest went into the nappy bag along with the nappy.  Actually, this bad boy required three nappy bags and then a plastic bag, and it didn’t even get to make the usual pit stop in the inside bin.  Oh no.  Once Princess was dipped and dressed, this particular nuclear device was escorted straight outside to the big bin.

Traumatised I tell you …

This morning, I bought a lovely new bottle of a new gin that I have been meaning to try.  “I’ll open that on Friday night” thought I as I slipped it into the trolley between (thank Jebus) the nappies and the lemons.  

 

Friday night my backside.  It tastes wonderful. And oh how good it smells! It has finally removed the smell of the bum boke from my nostrils.

 

How was your day?

I am Sunday Fundays in Donegal Mum

Posted in Adventures, blog, family, Lifestyle, parenting, Staycation, Uncategorized by


Spring

It’s here. Well it’s TRYING to be here.

And now that Mammy and Daddy are done with rehearsals, our weekly Sunday Fundays must commence! Up in the morning, dress for whatever the weather is doing (layers layers layers so it can change its mind 32 times in 4 hours as usual eh?!), into the car and go!

Adventures and fun cost money, and while there are of course hundreds of things you can do with your minions, here are 7 of my favourite things to do right here at home. They range from absolutely free to the not so free but no matter how often we do these things or go to these places, the girls always enjoy them and feel like they’ve been somewhere special.

In no particular order:

Glenveagh – Now those of you who follow my blog, know that Glenveagh National Park is a firm favourite in our little family.  We go there 2 or 3 times a month and myself and The Him love it just as much as the girls do.  It’s only a short drive from Letterkenny, has absolutely NO phone coverage and has THE most stunning landscape in the country.  NOWHERE beats Glenveagh for beauty. The best thing is that entry to the park is absolutely FREE. You can bring a picnic or try some of the insanely good cakes and food in the tearooms there.  We walk the 4k to the castle every and usually take the bus back up as Mini-Me’s legs aren’t quite able for 8K just yet! Bikes are available to hire from Grassroutes in the carpark too and you can get one of the little buggy-trailers for the minions.  The castle grounds are beautiful and while ours are too young to do the full bridal path, there is lots to occupy them (and their imaginations) in the gardens.  (Tell your minions that the gates with the stag heads are the Gates to Santa’s summer house.  Never gets old!)

The Beach – We are so blessed to have so many beautiful beaches on our doorsteps. Lisfannon Beach in Fahan is possibly my favourite place in the world.  It’s not only where I often escape for some sneaky Mam-me time, (seriously, some life changing decisions have been made on this beach), it’s also where I take the girls if we want to have some good old fashioned free fun.  It’s only 15 minutes from my house, but the girls feel like they’ve had such a treat, even if we only stop for a 20 minute run-about.  Over the summer, I keep a blanket and buckets in the car, so if we find ourselves nearby, it’s easy to stop here.  I also keep a bag with a change of clothes and a towel in the boot, just incase it’s warm enough for a paddle.  There’s loads of parking and in the summertime, there’s usually an ice-cream van in the carpark.

Nature Walks – Mini-Me loves these.  We live in the backend of beyond, so in fairness, even a play in the garden can be a learning curve, but if I really want to occupy them for an hour, I plop Princess in the buggy and off we go.  Mini-Me is beginning to recognise some of the tree types (reminding me  of things that I used to know!) and there’s a gate at the end of our farm where I once told her the fairy kingdom begins, so she loves to visit there.  She stands on the side of the road talking to the gate, but in her head, she’s on a serious adventure! Fun fun fun and FREE FREE FREE!

Parks – We love Ballymacool Park.  Just outside the town, it’s peaceful and quiet, even when busy.  It’s easy to park, has lovely trails for walking and beautiful views. The little playpark is wonderful; clean and full of playthings for kids of all ages.  The best thing about this little area is that it’s fully fenced off, and so no matter what direction Princess runs in, she’s safe (and enclosed!).  

Ards Forest Park  –  Simply pay €5 to park and go get lost in the woods before strolling back along the most beautiful beach. The play park is gorgeous, there’s a coffee shop and there’s even a stretch of boardwalk. Very beautiful and lots of scope for stories and imagination in the forest.  The Fairies live there you know.  And the Grufallo comes on holidays sometimes so keep your eyes peeled for footprints. 🙂

Soft Play – Some days, Soft play is the only answer isn’t it? Especially with the summer weather we get here! The most exciting thing about going to soft play, is going to soft play with OTHER minions.  It’s win:win; A catch up for the mums, excitement (and a guaranteed successful bedtime) for the kids.  Arena 7 and Century Play are wonderful and have different features that the kids love, AND they all serve good coffee.  Keep an eye on their pages for deals and rates.

 

Oakfield Park  –  Again, we LOVE Oakfield Park. It’s only 10 minutes from where we live and great for famiy Sunday-fundays, but also for random afternoons over the holidays. There is a charge to get in of course, but what I love about this place is that every year when they reopen, something new and wonderful has been added to the park. They add to the facility constantly.  The new Buffers Tea rooms are lovely, but you can also bring a picnic along with you. We bought the annual pass this year and it’s great value if you use the park often. The park is stunning, so well kept and beautifully presented.  There’s a play park and the Fairy tree is a favourite of Mini-Me’s.  The steam train is a real novelty. 

 

So there you go.  These are just my top 7 go-to days out and activities in and around Letterkenny, all year round. I’m sure you could all add your own to this list.

Here’s to a fun Sunday Fundays and some sort of Springtime weather!

I am So I took a week off Mum

Posted in blog, children, family, parenting, Uncategorized, wine by

So, as you’ll have noticed, I took a week off.  I deleted the FB app from my phone and took a long overdue trip with the love of my life, sans kiddies. 

This time last week, I was swinging off a lampost in central Park in 30° sunshine, 👇👇 singing “Singing in the rain” at the top of my voice and not giving a continental who heard me.  I’m going to spend the next 5 days starting sentences with “This time last week…” 😂😂 

We spent 5 glorious days in NYC, just me and The Him. (I’ll post properly about it during the week.)  Suffice to say, it was AMAZEBALLS and we really did have the time of our lives.🍏 But today, while it CERTAINLY was NOT 30°, we were back in our FAVOURITE park in the world with our favourite little people. Central Park doesn’t hold a candle to Glenveagh with our wee buddies. 💗💗

Oh how we missed Mini-Me and Princess, and we are so glad to be home safe and sound to them, but taking a few days to be Mammy and Daddy again, (or rather Maria and Emmet), was invaluable. When you’re busy parents, it’s hard to find yourselves in the mayhem.  Every conversation tends to be about the kids. Every phonecall or text message revolves around them. Each thought you have has something to do with the act of parenting. Your daily interactions are mostly about or for the kids. Your entire focus in day-to-day life, is the kids… 

And so it must be,  but to have had 5 full days and nights of just being US, did our little family unit absolutely no harm at all. 

Sometimes, a Mammy and Daddy need to find each other in the midst of all the madness, may it be simply for a dinner date or a movie night, or a trip away.  Yes, we spent much of our time talking about and missing the girls, but we also had fun together, laughed together, drank beer at 2pm, ate our bodyweight, and enjoyed being tourists in a ridiculously fun place.

  We finished conversations without being interrupted 167 times. We did what WE wanted to do when it suited us, just like we used to. We were spontaneous, not thinking about anything but us, and we remembered all the things we actually like about being The Him and The Her. 💗💙

So while the biggest challenge for me was to STOP referring to him as “Daddy” (and no it is NOT kinky! WTF like? 😂😂), we managed to have the holiday of our lives. 

 In fact the only thing that made us look forward to getting home, was the thought of getting squeezes and snuggles from the two Dollies. Their reactions were priceless when we got back. 
Mini-Me has announced that we are “never going on holidays again, ever!” and Princess seems to have doubled in size and has learned to use “Noooooooo” quite impressively.  They were spoiled rotten by Ganny and Gwanda.  Of course they were! 
I must admit that I did miss the daily craic here with you all,💗 but I think the week off from writing did me the world of good.   

And how is Jim I hear you ask? Poor Jim, was abandoned by The Him for the Her, for the 1st time in 3 years. Poor Jim my arse.  Jim is probably rocking in the corner waiting for Him’s Daddy back at 6am tomorrow.  
But did we miss him? Not one feckin bit! 😂😂😂

I am Secrets Mum

Posted in children, family, parenting, Uncategorized by

Secrets.
As parents we have sooooo many things that we keep from our kids for as LONG as possible.  There are so many truths and realities that we try our hardest to keep from their little eyes and ears.  As time goes by, it seems that our children’s innocence about all things “real life” is being tarnished earlier and earlier.  As parents, we cringe at the thought of the moment when they suddenly ask a particular question, or learn about particular things.
We hope we won’t have to face awkward truths like puberty, sex, the birds and the bees, death etc…until they’ve reached a certain, more appropriate age, where we know that they’ll be able to digest whatever information it is. 😐
But the FIRST TRUTH that we must deal with happens soooooo much earlier than I’d EVER anticipated.
And it isn’t for the sake of our children that we try to keep it a secret…
Oh no no no no no noooooo!
It’s ALL for the sake of the Mammies and Daddies. It’s completely selfish on our parts and it’s completely necessary.
Because the longer we can make it before they realise that the dreaded, awful, ride-on, money eating, monstrocities in the shopping centres MOVE IF YOU PUT MONEY INTO THEM, the better for EVERYONE. 😂😂
These little fuckers are the enemy of the Mammy.  They are EVERYWHERE. They ESPECIALLY like to lurk at the exits of shopping centres or venues, so that they can lure our minions to their daft, bulgy eyed, smiling faces just as we are trying to get them out of the place.  The Peppa Pork ones are the spawn of these Devils.  Even before our minions know they can MOVE, the oversized (and frankly quite creepy) cartoon characters are plague.  Princess can’t say many words but “Paaapaaaaaa” is as clear as a fecking bell when she sees the stupid pink fecker. 😐😐
But as long as they don’t know these things MOVE, life remains safe and normal and manageable.  We can distract them from the primary-coloured puke fest and carry on easily enough.  Once they know that they MOVE, however, the proverbial starts hitting the fan and the coins start hitting the dust.
If 99% of Mammies KNOW instinctively that showing them that these yoks move is a BAD IDEA, HOW do they ever figure it out?
Three ways…
1. They spot another child on them, smiling and weeeeeeeing to their heart’s content and they realise. And then, Game Over Mamma. You lose. 😂
2. Daddies… Because Daddies don’t view these feckers with the same reason or ration that Mammies do. Daddies don’t think of the longterm effects.  Daddies don’t UNDERSTAND the turmoil and torture and tantrums they can cause! 😭 WE see them as torture equipment. Daddies see them as 30 seconds of fun to distract their little ones and themselves. (And they NEVER last more than 30 seconds do they?) 😂😂
3. Grannies/Grandas:  Because they FORGET why they NEVER ALLOWED US on them when we were kids and suddenly see them as another way to be cool and wonderful and “the bestest!” 😂😂😂
And once the minions KNOW that these mechanical gobshites MOVE, life is never the same again.  They are armed with this knowledge that changes everything. They see things differently.
To the Mammies whose minions are still immune to the disease that is the ride-on yok, enjoy every second.  Enjoy the innocence.  Enjoy the secret and keep it from them for as long as you can.  😂😂
To the rest of us… may the odds be ever in your favour and may there be an alternative door you can use to get out of that shopping centre.😥😥
And to the creators of and instellers of them, may your nightmares be filled with rocking Peppas and smiling trains, choochooing around your head…all…fecking…night. 😂😂😂
👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇