I am Silent Puker Mum

How to sleep with a silent puker… 😐

Who the hell am I kidding? There IS NO sleeping with a silent puker.πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯

Princess makes no noise.
None.
She can empty the 4 stomachs she seems to have inherited from the Granda’s cows, without making so much as a single sound. πŸ˜‚ It’s shocking.
Not.
a.
Fricken.
SOUND!

And it means that when she is unwell, (which quite frankly seems to be every fecking FORTNIGHT since we went back to school😠), Mammy here gets to spend the night with small person’s foot shoved up her nostril, or her skull on my nose…

The bed is covered in towels, the basin is set on the bedside locker. Of course, she manages to sleep on the only part of the bed that ISN’T covered by towel and if she pukes, I can damn be sure that she’ll hit the ONE part of the bed that hasn’t been protected! πŸ˜‚

I end up dozing, sitting upright in the bed, constantly ready to jump for the basin. Every sound she makes, every time she turns, every time her breathing changes or pauses… Crazy frog here is wide awake and ready to pounce.

Everytime she gets a tummy bug, I end up booking a session with a physio within a week because my Mammy Bear reflexes are more concerned with keeping her safe (and keeping the fricken bed cleanπŸ˜‚!) than minding my dodgy back.

The Him gets banished to the spare room. Not by me.
Hitler-beag doesn’t like sharing beds with anyone but Mammy. She hisses at him like a deranged Gollum determined not to share her “Precious” with anyone.
Poor lucky Fecker… πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

He checked us this morning before he went to work. We looked like a right angle apparently. Her leg was across my jaw. I swear to God, there’s times I think that wee Doll would climb back inside me if she could.

So yes. Poor Baby.
And Poor Mammy. (Seriously. Shape of me!)

Night 1: No sound = No sleep.

She’s snoring now…in her own room. I’ve only checked her 23 times since 7.30pm.
And so begins Night 2: the night of “Mammy needs to but can’t sleep becuase she’s going to leap out of the bed and run to her room everytime she moves in the cot”…

What the feck am I like?
Anyone else got a silent puker?

I am Sleeping on my Head Mum

Well my little Princess is much better. Thank you for all the messages.

When Mini-Me was her age, she used to wake up at 5am and come into the bed between The Him and I for a wee snooze. She’d choose which of us she wanted to snuggle, swing her wee arm around a neck and settle in for another sleep. ❀❀❀

Princess has NEVER been like this. 😢
She only sleeps in our bed if she’s sick.
This morning, she woke at 5.30am. Being the knackered Mombie that I am after 3 rough days and 3 nights of no sleep, I brought her in between us, praying that she’d go back to sleep for an hour.
Lo and behold, she did.

She wrapped herself like a fecking CAT around my head, and no matter how many times I gently moved her off me, she shuffled her fudgybum back onto me each time.

I woke up looking right into her perfect wee face, innocent and still, breathing little kitten breaths ❀ and cooing gently, and I filled with a warm fuzzy fluffy joy at the sight.😍 She looked just like her big sister. I closed my eyes, savouring the feeling of her nose against mine…and then I remembered WHY I had brought her into the bed and I FROZE!

You see, princess is a silent puker. When she is sick, there is NO SOUND.
NONE… NOT A PEEP.
Just puke.
And no sleep. (Just me, sitting up in the bed, snoozing, WEARING my glasses, ready to grab her and the basin in 0.4 seconds.πŸ˜₯πŸ˜‚)

And so I remembered VERY quickly that it wasn’t my LOVE of having Baby-in-the-bed, but rather my FEAR of Baby-in-the-puke that made me break the norm and bring her in to my bed. And I realised that if she DID indeed decide to, the my face was 100% in line for a face mask.

I wasn’t long forgetting the warm fuzziness and manoeuvring that pretty little face away from mine Ladybelles, let me tell you.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I don’t think I’ve moved that fast EVER before!

Thankfully, she’s much better and thanks to magic pink medicine, normality has resumed.

The only side effect is that she seems to have grown a set of fluffy Bear earsπŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡,

…but I’ll take fluffy bear ears over sad panda eyes and puke ANY DAY! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

In other news, did you KNOW that cutting a child’s toast into triangles instead of windows is a bonafide reason for WW3 to break out in your house before 8am?

Silly Daddy. 😯

(How cute is the wee band? €4 in Dunnes Stores Ladybelles! )

I am “She’s PUUUUUUKING!” Mammy

Do you know the BEST thing about when your child projectile vomits in public? 😢
You realise how NICE people are.😍
That’s it.

(There is NOTHING else good about having the whole family COVERED, in the middle of a restaurant, especially for the OTHER poor families around or near your table.)
It has to be the SINGLE most horrific, mortifying, cringe inducing and terrifying thing that can happen to parents and it’s one that EVERY parent deals with at some point or another. 
You’re completely covered, trying to comfort the Pukemonster, contain the mess and get help from SOMEWHERE WITHOUT attracting any more attention to yourselves, and to stop yoir other child from shouting “She’s puuuuuuuuking!” over and over again.   You feel soooooooooo terrible for the people sitting nearby and yet your Mama Bear intuition tells you to worry only about your child.
But the best thing, or should I say ONE GOOD THING about a horrid situation is how nice people are.

So to the other Mammy who gave me a knowing wink as I tried to get everyone out the door, THANK YOU
To the waiting staff in Backstage who were AMAZING, THANK YOU.

 “You worry about you guys, we’ll sort out the rest” said one of the waitresses as I tried in vain to clean the seat with Pukemonster hanging off me.  I’ve been there. As a former waitress, I can guarantee that this was not the highlight of her week, but yet she was so professional, so helpful and sooooo kind. 
And to the 2 other Supermums who messaged this evening to ask if she is OK, THANK YOU.  Your messages have made me feel a bit better this evening.

As one of them said “We’ve all been there Lovey!” 

And unfortunately, after today, yes we have.   
And to The Him, who just happened to swap seats with me a few seconds before she puked, thank YOU! πŸ˜…πŸ˜…
Hope you all had a lovely evening Ladybelles.
(And if you happened to have been in the audience for Princess’s performance this evening… I’m soooooooooo sorry. 😭😭😭)