I am Some Knickertwisting Fiction Mum

Once upon a time, in an imaginary faraway land, (NOWHERE near Mammy’s house), a COMPLETELY fictional little 5 (and a half) year old girl went for a sleepover to her Hypothetical Granny’s house.

As she was getting dressed the next morning, she showed Granny her new “Big Girl” pants which her very lovely Mammy had bought her, just that week. 😲 She proceeded to put them on and then turned to grab her jeans, giving Granny quite the eyeful.

“Fictional little girl, why have you pulled your pants up between your bumcheeks?” asked a bewildered and bemused hypothetical Granny. “Because they are my Big Girl Pants and Big girls wear their pants up high like this, the same way Mammy wears dem,” answered the fictional little girl, quite matter-of-factly, as if Granny was the silliest hypothetical Granny in the world.😂

The fictional little girl’s fictional Mammy was slightly mortified by the fictional daughter’s “revelations” and only thanked her lucky stars that fictional Granda had been spared the episode, as he was at mass, praying for his good and moral children and their offspring.

*All characters and events are completely fabricated and fictional. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is utterly coincidental and accidental.

(And No, The fictional Mother DID NOT buy thongs for her fictional Daughter. They were perfectly acceptable and respectable undergarments, quite suitable for a fictional 5 (and a half) year old.) 😂😂

I am Slightly Grumpy Mum

​Well the Princess has found two things this morning…

1. Her temper

2. Her voice.
She has just spent 21 minutes shouting defiance and protest at being put down for her nap.  She was so completely knackered but we have to give her credit for her determination and stubborness.  It was like getting that one friend who claims they’re “not dhrunk” to lie down and go to sleep.  She is currently collapsed in a heap in the cot, bum in the air, face planted on the drool soaked mattress. 

Headstrong stubborn little fart.

She’s so like The Him.👤😂
Meanwhile, in the peaceful and quiet kitchen, the red lights on the screaming moniter have desisted, I am FINALLY eating breakfast and Mini-Me is earning her keep by sorting through the bottomless underwear box. Have to teach them values and responsibilities don’t we? (It has NOTHING to do with the fact that I HATE THAT JOB!)

She is fablis. 💖💖


The Him👤 has buggered off to town to buy himself a new right arm.  His old one broke yesterday.

Its screen has decided to go to an eternal sleep and so his access to the virtual reality that he needs so badly is gone.  So it’s off to “RightArm Warehouse” with him so that the pain subsides and the colour returns to his ashen, sickly face. 😡

After watching him try in vain for 2 hours to revive my old banished i-phone, I eventually screamed at him to go buy a new fricken right arm before I shoved one of the right arms he had dismantled somewhere unspeakable, where it would get even more broken than it already is. 😡😡😡

If only health insurance covered the loss of one’s right arm…

I had plans to do lots of fun stuff today, but my brain or wardrobe weren’t quite prepared for FECKIN NOVEMBER, so I’m refusing point blank to leave the house.

Instead, I’m going to have a relaxing day at home.🐖🐷😂

Yeah.

Relaxing my arse. 

The washing basket is puking in the corner and I need to find the floor in our bedroom, because it’s gone missing.
If any of my dear not-just-FB-friends fancy calling for coffee, feel free…but don’t bother unless you bring chocolate.

 Or cake.

Or chocolate cake. 🎂🍩🍰

(See how Mammy knows that it’s WAAAAAY too early for grape-juice? Clever Mammy.)
I might be a grumpy cow 🐄🐮today… do I sound grumpy?😂

Might need more coffee… 😪😪😪