Tag Archives: unicorns

I am So like a Unicorn Mum! 🦄🦄

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This day last year.
Still relevant! 🙂

#children

The S-Mum

​Another typical car journey from school…
Herself: “Mammy, did you fart?”
Indignation! 😲
Me: “No I did NOT!”

Herself: “Well it smells like fart.”

Me: “Well it wasn’t me. Anyway, you know Mammy only farts glitter.”

Her: “Oh, are you like a unicorn?”🦄🦄🦄

Me: “A unicorn?”

Her: “Yeah a UNICORN. You know how they fart glitter too Mammy? So you’re like a unicorn.”

Me: ” Yes. Mammy IS like a unicorn.”🦄

Mammy is quite liking the idea of being compared to a FABLIS, majestic, mysterious and beautifully elusive mythical being.

Mammy drifts off on a tangent of thought in which my first book is entitled “MOTHERHOOD: TALES OF GLITTER FARTING UNICORNS”… and on the cover, I am styled in a multicoloured unicornesque dress, clattered in glitter and looking all unicorny and wistful and magical.
Her: “So if you’re like a unicorn, does you burp rainbows too?”

(I’m enjoying this now.)

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I am Selling Unicorn Farts Mum

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​Ok.
I’m jumping on the train.

I can’t ignore it any longer! There are people to change and money to make Ladybelles.  It would irresponsible of me NOT to share this AMAZING product, that I’ve invented all by myself, with you.  

Why should I have all the fucking FABLIS?

No.

I’m here to HELP you all.

We are going to change the world, one unicorn fart at a time.
Introducing The S-Mum’s EXCLUSIVE new capsules…UN-I-CAN!


New Year, New You?

All you need is UN-I-CAN…The World’s LEADING Product, which has been Scientifically proven somewhere, to MAKE YOU A BETTER YOU!

  

Let’s face it… you are pretty shite as you are right? Especially after Christmas when you indulged in all that, you know, food?  And we here at UN-I-CAN HQ are pretty fuckin fablis, so take this and you’ll can be Fablis too!

My UN-I-CAN is filled with only 100% natural, organic, freezied and airdried Unicorn farts, cultivated only from the classiest Unicorn Mums.


After only 3 weeks taking UN-I-CAN daily, our clients reported:

🦄 rapid weight loss…up to 12 stone in a week!

🦄 More aesthetically pleasing excrement and a magical smell in their bathrooms

🦄 Improved skin…like it sparkles like a REAL unicorn!

🦄 Sparkly eyes and shinier teeth..they GLOW IN THE DARK! 

🦄 Extraordinary hair growth…up to 8 inches in 3 weeks…AND it’s multicoloured, like a rainbow!

🦄 Bigger boobs and unicorn butt!

🦄 You’ll also have the energy of a ninja nymph, the patience of a fairy and the magical powers of Merlin

🦄 Increased productivity and energy and organisational skills, therefore leading to a changed life, no stress and no mortgage. Easy.
Better you…better mum…better friend…better sex…better everything!
Just 99.999999 a month. Cheaper than real glitter.
If you sign up to the Premium Package, you get a free bottle of Unicorn tears gin and your VERY OWN HORN! 

Disclaimer…

*Un-I-Can is not responsible for what happens if you mix the gin with the horn.

*This is a truly original idea, inspired only by unicorns and rainbows.
So there you go Ladybelles.

You know you need this in your lives…

I’m currently working on the Un-I-Can shite shakes, but I’m having trouble getting the consistency right. It’s a bit too much diahorrea and not enough glitter at the minute. 
When your life is shite, shine the UN-I-CAN light!

It makes your poo sparkle

🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂🦄😂