Monthly Archives: August 2016

I am Scratches in the corner Mum! 

Posted in terror by

​Mice.

Mouses.

Meeces.

Little feckers.🐭🐭
When we first moved in to Smumble-Hill 18 months ago, my dreams of FINALLY being a Domesticated Goddess in my perfect castle were tormented and thwarted for 3 weeks by a family of little “field mice” in the Tiddillyday room.

I’m guessing that my calling them “Field Mice” made most of you think “Ah Ok, not so bad”? You’re probably visualising fat little fluffy characters like Gus and JackJack in Cinderella?

No.

“Field Mice” sound cute.
THESE little twats were far from Cute.  They were rotten, dirty pests who bred like …well mice… and made my life HELL. 

ALL the traps in the world refused to work and I got to the point where I was ACTUALLY KNOCKING on the door of the Tiddillyday room to make sure they knew I was entering and therefore saving us both the drama of me seeing one of the little buggers and their tiny eardrums being BUSTED by my screams.

It was easier.

I eventually stopped going into the offending room until my ANGEL of a Daddy-in-law finally sorted our visitors out with magic sticky sheets.

The room was then bleached and scrubbed within an inch of my life and I no longer had an excuse for avoiding the laundrey! 😅😅
I’m only just over the trauma.
So LAST NIGHT, at 3.12am, when I was taken from my slumber by a SCRATCHING SOUND in the corner of our room, you can IMAGINE the terror…

I couldn’t breath.

I was lying there, afraid to move, trying to establish that the sounds WERE indeed coming from inside the room.

From a bag of books and files The Him 🕵has had in the corner FOREVER…

Therefore, it is HIM’S FAULT that Meeces had returned to haunt me…

Because Him never lifted that bag despite me BEGGING and THREATENING it removed…

Hims fault…🕵

And to top it off, while I was lying there, frozen in fear, HIM was in such a contented sleep that HE SNORED!
So, I did what any sane, calm wife would do…
I kicked him and scared the living Bayjeesus out of him!

Because I was damned if HE would be sleeping soundly while ME was wide awake and FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!
“Wtf? What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Etc…

“The mice are back!” Hisses Me.

“WHAT MICE?”

” The ones from the Tiddillyday room!” (Because obviously, the dead mice from 18 months ago have come back to haunt me.😂😂)

“FML/grumbles/expletives”
Lights on.

Kicks bag.

No mouses.

Then, we both jump as the noise suddenly comes from BEHIND THE BLIND ABOVE THE BED! 😲😲

Yeah…NOW, he was taking me seriously.

It only took FLYING FECKING MICE for him to understand my blind fear!
So being the brave Superhero type that the Him is, he pulled up the blind, ready to pounce on and kill the evil perpetrator and hence save Hims Damsel in Distress. 

And out flies a HUGE moth.

A MOTH.
NOT a Meece or Mouse or ANYTHING  as terrifying as that.

A moth.
Window open, moth out, lights off…And all was right with the world.

The threat of the killer Mouse was gone.

In other news, have you ever looked at the contentsnof your baby’s nappy and wondered WTF they’ve eaten?

Yeah… 

On that note, I’ll sign off.
Hope your Mondays were Mouse free and Marvellous. 🐭🐭🐭
S-Mum #mice #moths #mayhem

I am Sunday Fun In W5 Belfast Mum. (Review)

Posted in blog, children, family, parenting, reviews, toddlers by

Yesterday was the last Sunday of the summer holidays (and indeed of my maternity leave 😣), so we decided to take a spin to Belfast to check out W5.

Mini-Me is Dinosaur Crazy and I’d seen on their website that they had a Dinosaur themed exhibition. So off we went.

On a Sunday it opens at 12pm.

We arrived at the Odyssey at around 12.20pm and parked close to the door. There were huge bouncy castles and slides in the foyer. Mini-Me wanted to go on the inflatable slide. It was £2 for 5 slides.  She did it once then freaked out that it was “too SCAWY!” and the guy supervising it handed the Him back the money, which was unexpected but very kind. So good start!

There was no queue for W5, the staff were friendly and helpful and £32 later, we entered. (In fairness, we are now 3 adults and 2 kids. Our Bloke is 18 on Friday so gone are the days of a family pass into ANYWHERE!😅)

Immediately, the kids are entertained. Smoke signals, hot air balloons, lava lamps, interactive screens… it’s interesting from the first room.

The first floor had a brilliant exhibition of sciency stuff.  What was most surprising to me, was how entertaining it all was, even to the adults.  It’s one of those places that really does cater for ALL AGES. Mini-Me and our Bloke were equally intrigued by some of the stands! 👇👇👇

We did lots of tests and of course, with S-Mum and The Him involved, it got competitive! 😂Balance test, grip test, heart rate, strength etc. And we both lost YEARS on the “What’s your real age?” test! 😂

The Costa dock on the 2nd floor was clean and the young man was efficient and very polite. The climbing pod for kids there is AMAZING! Seriously, EVERY coffee shop should have one of these!

There is a brilliant play area for under 8’s with water features, interactive boards and floors, a huge train track, dolls’ house, doctor’s area, play shop and pretend cafe.  Waterproof aprons are available to allow kids to really get their hands stuck into the water feature. Oh, and the toilets in this section are kiddy sized!

Up on the next floor is the Dinosaur exhibition. The Interactive Screen was FABLIS! Not just for kids…we ALL got in on the action here!

I did expect a few more models of dinosaurs to be honest, but the two displays there were impressive. There were loads more games and features on this floor too, again, interesting to everyone.

Oh! And the views of Belfast from up there are beautiful.

The venue is clean, well laid out and there are lifts to each floor so it’s accessible to all. Bathrooms and Baby change areas were well sign-posted snd clean. Staff were very helpful and although it was quite busy by the time we were ready to leave, it’s a very safe and family friendly place.

Our ticket was valid until 6pm so if we had wanted to go out to one of the restaurants in the Odyssey, we could have come back in.

We left after 3 hours, but really could have spent another 2 easily. (We realised how close we were to the Disney Shop and so HAD to pop in to the City Centre!)😅

So overall, we were impressed.  I think Mini-Me will enjoy it even more as she gets older.  For Princess, there wasn’t much apart from the Under 8 area, but she IS only 9 months old! She was more than entertained looking around her and listening to the sounds.

When we left at 3.15pm, there was a queue of approximately 70 people outside, so it is definitely somewhere to go early.

We enjoyed it.  The kids enjoyed it. We were suitably impressed and we shall indeed be back.

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Also on Instagram @the.s.mum

#SMum #Belfast #W5

I am Sunday before September Mum

Posted in blog, family by

​Well is it a Sauvignon Sunday or a Shiraz Sunday in your house?
It’s Screw-it-it’s-the-last-Sunday-I-can-have-a-glass Sunday here.🍷🍷
Final-Dash-Walton-style-Family-Day-Out was very successful. 👪

W5 is fricken BRILLIANT for a day out. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed it AND it’s edumacational and EVERYTHING!

(I’ll put a wee review up tomorrow.)
We DID make it to the Disney Shop and UNFORTUNATELY I fell into Zara on the way past. 😲😲
There was a very inconvenient (perfectly timed) downpour (joyful rain) that caused The Him🕵 to duck into the doorway which just happened to be ZARA… (YAAAAAY! Baaaahaaaaaaa!)

So I HAD to have a quick look around while it rained (joyful rain…joyful joyful rain!) and some tops FELL off the rails and insisted that I adopt them.

So being a very AngelinaJoliesque lady, I obliged.

I adopted them.

And technically, it was HIMS own fault because HIM dragged us all in.
Don’t you love Irish weather? 😂😂😂


I’m seriously considering breaking my “My kids won’t need screens in the car” rule.

The only thing that saved our sanity today was that our Bloke was between the two CrazyFrogs in the back seat, so he fielded the mayhem from us a bit. (Poor Cretur!) 😂🕵😂
This week is going to be nuts.

  I have some getting Mini-Me ready for school to do, some VERY exciting meetings about my  October BUMP & BEYOND and of course, I’m back to school myself… (sigh.)😋😋

I also have 4 days to complete ALL of the jobs I had on my to-do list when I STARTED my maternity leave last September! 
Let’s see how much I can do lastminute.com! 🙌😙

Isn’t my new mug FABLIS?

Actually it’s more ladylike than a mug. 

It is a cup.

For I is a LAYDEE who sups Magic Bean Broth from A CUP. 

Pinky out please! 😅

And it has lovely inspirational words on it, so even while I’m supping my magic bean broth, technically I shall STILL be TEACHING AND INSPIRING my babbies.

Teacher Win.

#SMum  #badteacher #W5 #Belfast #Zara #blog

I am Shopsy Mum

Posted in blog, parenting, treats, wine by

​Well feck-it-up Friday was FABLIS!
Today’s Mummy wins were:

1.  Keeping everyone in one piece, fed and entertained.

2. Not getting puked on.

3. Princess SLEPT for the 2 hours we were shopping.  And No, I didn’t put wine in her bottle. 🤗

4.  Only making very animated faces behind Mini-Me’s back 3 times before bed.  😲

5. Getting same Little Miss “I DON’T LIIIIIIIIKE CHICKEN!” to eat a big bowl of CHICKEN by blitzing it up with bolognese sauce, calling it LAVA and pouring it over a pasta VOLCANO! Oh, and calling it Secret recipe lava helped.  She DEMOLISHED it! 😂👇👇👇👇👇👇

In fairness, the only thing I fecked up today was my credit card. 💳💳💳
I went to McElhinneys with my Mamma Bear and accidentally fell into some clothes.
I got a few bargains actually…a few teachery type bits to make me feel a bit of fab when I mix them with the old faithfuls from Penneys! #penneysbest
Then I ACCIDENTALLY bumped into the Chanel Counter and I felt SOOOOO bad that I had to buy shiny tiny little black boxes filled with shiny tiny but very FABLIS little pots and bottles. 

 (Sssssh! The Him🕵does Not need to know this.  It’s our secret K?)
S-Mum shall face the HELL of going back to reality with a shiny “Chaneled” face and smelling of aromatic floral bouquets of very spensive orchids and peonies or pee-the-beds or whatever.
It’s all still sitting in the little tiny bag on the bed because the packaging is WAY too exciting to open just yet.

Seriously, that little white bag has SERIOUS magic powers.

It really has helped me to feel better about going back to work. (And not just because I am going to need wages again to pay for it!) 😂 
I know I’m supposed to say things like “The only jewels I need around my neck are my children’s”, and “The prettiest thing a mum can wear is a smile or her baby or whatever.”

But sorry Ladybelles.

Feck that…
Sometimes I NEED the tiny roped handles of a tiny but crisp and structured white bag with one little word in divine black font around my wrist.

AND nice smelly creams can REALLY help with the pretty!

 I SWEAR I look 10 years younger ALREADY and I haven’t even opened it yet!
Now, speaking of aromatic floral bouquets, Shiraz or Merlot? 🍷🍷🍷
Share your Mammy Wins today? Or go ahead and tell me how you Fecked-it-up! 
I am SHOPSY MUM!

😍😍😍

#SMum #mcelhinneys #ballybofey #mammyheaven #chanel #sprayme #regretittomorrow

I am She cracks me up Mum 

Posted in blog, children, family by

​I am She cracks me up Mum.
Mini-Me before bed: “Mammy, What did the witto children in Afwica do when St. Patwick was chasing the snakes away?”
Me: 

Absolute silence…

(I was trying to figure out if this was a serious question or a joke she’d heard somewhere, in which case I’d have been wondering WHO the HECK I would have to be bollocking about such subject matter for conversation with a 4 year old?)
Mini-Me Me: “Mammy, what did the witto children…”
Me: (because I couldn’t actually think of ANYTHING to answer her with) “I don’t know Sweetie.  Do you want two stories tonight because you’ve been such a good girl?” 
Mini-Me: “YAY!”
Mammy win.

Distraction rocks… (Some might say BRIBERY…I will stick with DISTRACTION.) 
She is a funny little thing.😍😍

When asked today at camp what she wanted her face painted as, her reply was apparently “Elsa and the Hulk.”

Now, I pride myself on NOT allowing gender differentiation to be a factor in our home.  The girls have tractors and football and we’re all about the Superheroes.

Either I’m doing a wonderful job or I’m raising a badtempered, violent Princess.

We’ll see…

Regardless, she came home as a giraffe! 🐆

It was adorable.

However, there is now yellow facepaint EVERYWHERE and I can’t get it off properly so she has gone to bed looking like a jaundiced minion. 😂😂😂
SO, she is FUNNY, but also very ASSERTIVE and POLITE.
On Monday night, Granda was turning hay in the field next door after she’d gone to bed. I told her he’d be finished soon and to go back to sleep.

 On Tuesday morning, this 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 was stuck to the inside of her bedroom window.


I didn’t take much notice really, thinking it was a note to her fairy.  She loves blutack and writes on everything.  (I was just glad she hadn’t written on the glass. 😅)
This morning The Him 🕵asked her what it was.
It says “Dear Granda.  NO FARMING AFTER BEDTIME. Thank you!”
Poor Granda was busting himself to literally ‘make hay while the sun shines’, but Madam Moralknickers had other ideas.

Well she’s polite if a bit bossy! 😂😍😍
I may have to start buying presents 🍷 for her new teacher…

Bribery?  

How dare you…it’s simply Distraction! 

😂😂
#SMum