I am Sugar Crash Mum

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​Saturdays.
Sweet, wonderful, fun-filled Saturdays.
Remember when Saturdays consisted of no alarm clock, coffee dates, shopping for shoes (not in Clarks) and spending HOURS getting ready to go out and being grnerally feckin FABLIS? 
Remember that?
Now, Saturdays are USUALLY spent fitting EVERYTHING into one day… housework, washing, movies, shopping (for fricken food), baths… and every Mamma’s FAVOURITE…
…THE BIRTHDAY PARTY.

Don’t you LOVE birthday parties?

I do actually.
I love the excuse to nibble on plates of sweeties and crisps and “pabalova” and Haribos.

I love cake.

I love having a chance to chat to other parents.

I love that the party is NOT IN MY HOUSE!

I love to see other kids acting up on their poor grown-up people. (Not because I’m a bitch…no…It just makes me feel a little bit more normal. 😉)

I love that Mini-Me is so COMPLETELY SHATTERED by bedtime that she sleeps like a diesel dry truck. 
But like ALL S-Mums, there is ONE thing about Birthday parties that I do not like.
Two words.

SUGAR CRASH. 😢😢😢
How to recognise Sugar Crash (SC) in your Minion:
1. Firstly, don’t be fooled into thinking that SC will only happen AFTER you leave the Birthday party.  It may present its ugly little head at ANY time during the event.  If you recognise the symptoms in your child, act immediately.

GET OUT! GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!
2. Flushed face…indicating fever (or just general knackeredness when getting off bouncy castle/trampoline.)
3. Sugar froth at the mouth… the little shit has eaten so much funfood that their ability to hide the evidence diminishes rapidly.
4. The glare.  When you mention going home and their eyes narrow… RUN.
5.  Excessive, loud, manic laughter… “Aw leave them…they’re having fun aren’t they!?”

 NOOOOOOOOO.  Christ NO! THIS is the WARNING SIGN.

  THIS kind of crazy convulsion ALWAYS ends in tears.  OTF NOW!
6. Your sweet, beautiful angel turns into an absolute Hell Hallion, whose only mission in life suddenly becomes the need to DESTROY EVERYTHING around her…most importantly, your sanity.
7. A Defiant and definitive declaration of protest at bedtime that they are NOT tired, despite the fact that their eyes are upside down and they look like Gollum after 34 whiskies. 
8.  Screams, whining, tears, exhaustion. ( Be warned…THIS one is highly contagious. You may find yourself displaying these signs in sympathy with your little darling.)
9. Sudden refusal to do ANYTHING they are asked to do.  And don’t even DARE to need to go anywhere else or do anything else AFTER the party… (Trust me there isn’t enough wine in the world to help you get over the trauma of a trip to Dunnes with a child suffering from SC.)
There are many more, but I’m sorry… I’m done. 😥😥😥
My little Beauties are finally in bed and I need to stop typing and starting supping the Happy Mummy juice.
When I’m rich and famous, I promise that the Mammies at our parties will each receive a party bag at the end too…

Inside, shall be a Double Decker and a cute little bottle of WINE. 🍷🍷
And at today’s party (which for the record, as usual, was AMAZING), one Mammy was leaving to head to party number 3 with 4 kids…
To THAT SuperMum, I say Cheers and well done and May the odds be ever in your favour..
Is it Shiraz or sauvignon Saturday in your house?

Goodnight Lovely Ladybelles 😘😘😘

I am Still watching RTE Junior Mum!

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​Well.

How was your Friday Ladybelles?
Mine was pretty uneventful and rather enjoyable really.  

We spent the afternoon with my lovely sister and her babies on Walton Mountain.  It was noisy.  GOOD GOD it was noisy, but oh the fun.

They head off again tomorrow and then we shall miss all the noise immensely and be very sad, so today’s noise was precious and wonderful.
I have two cream-crackered little girls tucked up in bed now after all the noise and cousin fun.  
Have you ever been so glad of the quiet when you return to the living room after their bedtime, that you just sit there, staring at the TV…before realising after 10 minutes that you’re watching the “Holy Jesus Thank God it’s over…Right Minions, it’s bedtime!” RTE Junior Screen!?😂


Well that’s what I’ve just done.

Then, this popped up on my timeline and it was OBVIOUSLY a SIGN wasn’t it?


Afterall, it IS Friday. 💙💗
It’d be rude not to!

I don’t have prosecco but non-fizzy grapes will have to suffice.
(And I do have to celebrate as it’s now less than a week until the #LWIBloggies2016 awards, AND

I’ve just found out that a very dear friend is in the Bumpy Way and so I now need to toast her and her inability to drink grape juice for the next few months. More for me! 🍷😉)
So it’s time to turn the Tellybox over to something else, (Yup. The remote is on the other sofa!), and pop open a wee bottle. 😈

Obviously, Mini-Me and Princess shall sleep until at least 9.30am…

Yeah.
My arse!

But you can’t blame a girl for hoping can you?
Cheers Bitcheepoos!🍷

Have a Fablis Friday night and thanks to everyone who is reading and liking and sharing. It means a lot and makes me smile. 😘😘😘

​I am “Small Sausages, Big Smiles” Mum

Posted in blog, children, parenting, Teething by

.

Now I know that most LAYDEEEEEEEZ might not associate the words “Small Sausages” with “Big Smiles”…(yes…I said it. You thought it ya dirty hallions!) but today, I do! 😂😂😂
Because today, something as silly and simple as Small Sausages did indeed make me smile. 😆😆
After school/work, we were having some quality mother/daughter time where I was teaching my girls VERRRRRRY important life skills in an edumacational and sensory-stimulating  environment.

 (Yes.  We were in Penneys… life skills I tell you.)
With Mini-Me COMPLETELY knackered after school and Princess CHEWING on ANYTHING or ANYONE who got close enough to her,  I was slightly stressed. 
 I carried Princess AND the shopping bags around, while pushing the feckin pram. Mini-Me was complaining about EVERYTHING, providing a CONSTANT soundtrack in protest to my obvious cruelty and I was up to my tits with “the looks” from innocent bystanders in the Shopping Centre who had to endure our NOISE.
THEN, I almost had a complete MENTAL FREAK OUT on a shop owner who tried to tell me they “Don’t do refunds on ANYTHING” when I tried to return a dress that was store-damaged. 
Little Miss Continuous Soundtrack takes the volume it up a notch just to make sure that MY slightly raised volume doesn’t surpass hers, Princess’s new tooth is causing her to be the crankiest cretur ever and she’s now joined in the song of protest in support of her sister and I’m pretty sure that the shop owner is beginning to realise that she is about to bare the brunt of an epic S-Mum bolloking. (Or possibly, my two little shebitcheepoos are genuinely terrifying her?)
Shop Policy bent just this once.  

Really?

Oh thank you.  Shall I grovel in thanks because you’ve, you know…adhered to the fecking LAW that allows  me to return faulty goods? 

Eh no.

Seriously…  😡😲😡😲😡😲
I’d had enough! Enough of the noise and the protests and the CRYING and the NONSENSE Dumbass “Shop Policy” and the snotters and my face being chewed and the … you get the picture.

It was time to leave. 😣
I was either going to cry, or get arrested. 

Being arrested would possibly have resulted in some Me-time in a small quiet space… at that particular moment, it wasn’t the WORST thing that could have happened! 😂😂
We headed for the car and THEN the worst thing DID happen.

I remembered I had to go to the butchers. 😥
And that was where the Lovely man with the Small Sausages saved the feckin day! 😂😂😂
I’m ordering chicken and mince.
Mini-Me has stopped crying but is still talking at the top of her voice about ANYTHING.
“MAMMY LOOK AT ALL THE SAUSAGES,”

“We’re getting chicken pet.”

“MAMMY I JUST WUUUUUUB SAUSAGES”.

“No sausages today. Mammy’s buying chicken.”

“OH MAMMY LOOOOOOK! LOOK AT THE BABY SAUSAGES! Aren’t they SOOOOOOO CUTE?” 😣

(Butcher is laughing.)

“Hewooooo Witto SAUSAGES.  AW they’re sooooo cute Mammy…”
And then ANGEL MAN, who is finishing putting my order into the bag, did the NICEST THING EVER.
He lifted a dozen of the cute sausages into a bag, tied it and handed it to her as a present.🌟🌟🌟
Small Sausages, Big Smiles…

For both of us.  
I had the HAPPIEST little lady skip along side me to the car, where Princess FINALLY took a nap and my blood pressure reduced rapidly.
So there you go.

The smallest act of kindness to a dishevelled SuperMum really does have a huge impact.
Never underestimate the power of kindness.
And Thank you💙 to the lovely Butcher👤 if he ever reads this. 
Sometimes, even Small sausages can make a Mamma smile! 😉😅😉😅

#littlethings #mummyblogger #kindness #stressedoutmamma #thepowerofsausages

I am So-mortified-AGAIN Mum! 😅

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​Don’t you just LOVE kids?
4 and a half year olds are particularly adorable.
I have one you know.

 I’m really quite proud of the little toot.

She’s pretty, cute and funny and gives me endless hours of laughter and joy and of course the main one…utter and ABSOLUTE MORTIFICATION.
So frequently do I currently find myself wishing that the ground would open up, that one could mistake me for an archaeologist.

Except, I don’t want to uncover bones or history…

I want to climb in beside the bloody bones and turn back time.
Shop.

Today.

Well behaved Mini-Me being suspiciously sweet and quiet.💗

Then,

Check out.😈😈😈
We were waiting in the queue, behind a lovely lady who was possibly just out of the gym.

Her hair was scraped back and she was very tall and sans muckup.  She looked like a wonderfully normal woman, minding her own business.
The DOLLY looks up at her and I can suddenly see what is JUST ABOUT TO HAPPEN unravel before it actually does.

It’s slow motion… 😲😲😲😲😲
I try in vain to distract her and to change the subject before she opens her pretty loud little beak.

I fail miserably because, in the loudest WHISPER you have EVER HEARD, she announces:

 “Mammy it’s MISS TWUNCHBULL!”


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It’s  out and before I get a chance to shush her, she misunderstands that I might not have heard her the first time, so she shouts it again…sans whisper.
I start some ridiculous sing song about reading James and the Giant Peach when we get home, praying she didnt hear, and eventually have to courage to look up at Miss-not-at-all-like-the-Trunchbull to see if she’s  going to seing me over the fence by my pigtails!
She seems oblivious and is paying the check-out attendant.  PHEW!
The attendant, however, is not oblivious.

He is trying with great difficulty to stifle his laughter.
The unknowing star of our Roald Dahl inspired show leaves the shop and he buckles. 😂😂

“OH GOD I’M MORTIFIED!” I say, scarlet faced.
“I’ve seen worse Love” he laughs.
I pay and leave with Mini-Me  trotting behind me, quite happy with herself and having NO CLUE how close she was to getting Mammy locked in the fricken Chokey.
And she’s lucky that there is no Chokey in S-Mumble Hill…
It’s Mortification Monday. 😅😅
How was your day? 😙😙😙😙

I am Sipping Coffee at 5.30am Mum

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​People often ask why I get up at 5.30am. 

The question is usually hidden in words such as “You’re up since WHAT time?” Or “WTF?” or “Are you out of your MIND?” and accompanied by a LOOK of horror and incredulity.
From now on, I shall simply direct those who do not understand, to look at this image. 👇👇👇👇


I ONLY get to the bottom line if I get up when it’s STILL DARK, so NOW do you see?
I am doing humanity and the general population of Letterkenny a HUGE favour by rising this early.

I can be quite the grumpy bitch see, and coffee helps me to be nice. ☕

It’s magic.
As is having a few hours of Me-time. 

Never underestimate the blissful calm of your messy kitchen at stupid o’clock.  
An hour of early morning quiet, a full, uninterrupted shower, an empty coffee cup, seeing the sky suddenly not be black anymore… take the little things where you get them my Darlings.
They really are precious.

So, drink that coffee.☕
Oh.  And your challenge for the day? 

Be nice. 

You never know who you’re helping with a smile. 😆😆

Happy Monday my Pretties.

💗💗💗