Tag Archives: party

I am Some Rules I Forget to Follow Mum

Posted in Being Me, Uncategorized by

I do hope that we are all bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning.

Mammy’s rules (which unfortunately Mammy forgets regularly until it’s too late…)

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Notes to Mammy…

1. Mammy is not 20.

2. Mammy can NOT drink whatever is set in front of her. And Mammy CAN leave drinks untouched. Imagine…

3. Mammy + mixing drinkiepoos = bad idea…ALWAYS.

4. Mammy SHOULD know better.

5. The first time Mammy thinks that maybe she’s had way more than enough and PROBABLY should go home, she should. She is right. She is absolutely right.

6. Mammy should not jive with ANYONE, especially if they are considerably shorter than her heeled self.

7. Mammy must remember that while a good big meal is a good idea before supping beverages, supping beverages before and DURING said meal, defeats the fricken purpose.

8. Mammy is NOT a feckin Pussy Cat Doll and should therefore not “Shake it off” or “drop like it’s hot” or any other such teenage nonsense, Mammy is NOT Cheryl-of-the-squatting. Slut drops after the age of 26 are not advisable. Nor are they sexy, regardless of what lies Gin tells you…

9. Mammy should only partake in Saturday nights out IF she has all of the uniforms ready for Monday, house sorted and general shot together BEFORE she goes out.

10. Mammy should remember that just because she is dying a death, Mini-Me still talks ALL DAY and Princess still POOS frequently. Also, children have this selfish, needy thing about requiring fed, and not particularly caring that even the sight of the kitchen makes Mammy’s tummy turn. Selfish like.

11. Mammy should not watch anything more emotional than The Big Bang Theory after a night out. When Mammy finds herself sobbing at a Pampers advert, or indeed an episode of Paw Patrol, she deserves the raised “seriously” eyebrow from Him.

12. Mammy must also remember that while The Him is very kind and allows her to die a little inside, he will also take every opportunity to laugh at her, torture her and remind her of point 1…

13. Mammy should try to find this post and read it BEFORE she goes out, instead of only remembering about it AFTER she has decided that the gin must obviously have been spiked or the food in the restaurant MUST OBVIOUSLY have been poisoned.

#whylike #neverlearns

I am Slightly Excited Mum

Posted in parenting, Uncategorized by

Hurray and Yippee and Woohoo and all the rest.

It is Mammy’s Christmas night out.

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It is Mammy’s favourite night out of the year.  There shall be glitter and bubbles and giggles and snaughles.  There shall be grapeness and cheeseness and obesity-on-a-plateness.

There shall be affirmations of friendships and reminders of “I wub you” and we shall remind each other many times tonight just how much we ought to do this more often, even though for the most part, it’ll be next Christmas before we crush a cup of wine with each other again.

And the most excitingful thing about this particular Christmas party, is that it involves a hotel.  As in a sleepover with my girlies!

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And so while my colleagues all head off this afternoon to get hair and makeup done, Mammy here is going STRAIGHT to the heavenly heaven that is the hotel, to be ALL ALONE for at least 2 hours.  Mammy shall purchase a glass of something fablisly alcoholic and head up to the clean and quiet room, where she will have some very rare time to herself before her roomies arrive.  Mammy shall put on some music and place all of the Muckup that she usually has to keep up high and away from grubby hands out onto the dressing table.  It shall look pretty and after a while, so might Mammy, if not by the muckup and brushes, by the grapes and dim lights of the bar!

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And I shall partake in the cinerellafication ALL ALONE, without saying such things as “Ah AH AH!!” or “Noooo, we don’t touch Mammy’s eyeshadow”, and I shall apply eyeliner without a child swinging on my leg.  And then my buddies shall arrive, already beautified and ready to pretend that we are 21 again. We shall go downstairs to join our other wonderfully jovial and joyeous colleagues and we shall sip herbal tea and have sophisticated and ladylike conversations…

And then pigs shall fly and one legged ducks shall stop swimming in circles…

Bring on the glitterification.  Bring on the grapes.  Bring on the giggles of the sleepover with my girls.  Bring on the fun and feck it, bring on the fuzzy head of tomorrow, for it shall be greeted by no alarm clock, a sleepin until at least 9am and a breakfast that someone else shall cook for me.

If you’re on your Christmas night out tonight, enjoy it and be safe, you Beautiful thing you !