I am Some Things the Baby Books Forgot to Mention Mum

I am ‘Some things the Baby Books forgot to mention’ Mum

Feel free to sing along!
“Nappies and dodees” should be read/sung to the tune of “Raindrops and Roses” from The Sound of Music.

“Nappies and Dodees and cute little sockies

Big teddies, small teddies, horseys that rockie,

Elephant mobiles that fly on their strings

These are just some of the new baby’s things.

Baskets from Moses and funky shaped pillows

Grufallos, Minnie Mouse, Wind in the Willows,

Breast pumps and bobos and wee plastic pots,

Plastic spoons needed for feeding your tots.

Where’s the dummy?

Close the stairgate.

Get the nappy baaaag.

I simply can’t deal with this amount of stuff

I miss the space that I had.

Cushions and door clips and safety latches

Lift all those candles and hide all the matches

Puke cloths and poop bags and powders and creams,

Lego and Stains on all of your things.

Carseats and carriers, high chairs and bouncers

Moniters, teethers and measures for ounces

Video moniters keep mammy calm

And Daddy’s still learning how to fold up the pram.

Toys toys toys toys

Toys toys toys toys

Did I mention toys?

I simply am listing the simplest of things

We gather for girls…and boys.”

The BS Bibles spout such shite as “Don’t worry! Babies don’t need to take up ALL the space in your home.  Dedicate a shelf or drawer in your living room to baby essentials to keep them close at hand.  The Baby’s clothes etc should be kept in Baby’s nursery (includes image of pale grey amd white, empty, tidy nursery…)  The moses basket should be in a well appointed space, not too close to any radiators or drafty doors/windows. A well organised changing station will help keep the home mess free.”

nursery

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Where does it prepare us for the explosion of STUFF that ensures that EVERY nook and cranny of your once tidyish home gets covered in Baby?  It’s like a giant Baby lifts the roof off your house and projectile VOMITS a load of utter CRAP all over EVERYTHING.

No room escapes and while for the first few weeks you might be able to contain the Baby stuff to a few baskets or to one corner, once they begin to play with toys or move about, the house slowly becomes overwhelmed by toys that seem to reproduce and multiply while we sleep.And just like the list the BS Bibles give you, this is by no means exhaustive.

wp-1468272524974.jpg

This was my kitchen on a good day!

You will find more crap to add to it and you will wonder why you didn’t take millions of photographs of your lovely fengshuiyed, Cath Kitsonesque, picture perfect home BC to send to ‘House and Home’.

And as for new furniture or carpets?

Don’t bother your arse until they’re old enough to know NOT to write on the cushions with glitter glue. 
Wrecking balls…

Absolute wrecking balls. 😂😂😂

I am Still talking STUFF Mum

The “I am Some Things the Baby Books forget to mention Mum” series.

Instalment #5 – Keeping Stuff

“Keep little momentos in a baby box or book: You and your little one will treasure these and can enjoy looking back on them in years to come.”

What it SHOULD say is,

“For your first Baby, you will try to keep all the everything. You shall fill pages and pages of pregnancy diaries and baby books and the eleventy squillion “Born in 20-whatever” keepsake boxes you received will have first socks, first hats, the bangles you both wore in Maternity, first bib, first babygrow, first dummy, first curl, first tooth, first EVERYTHING bulging out of them. You will remember all the details, the baby’s weight, the baby’s height, the day she first crawled, the date he first walked… Your first baby will look at these boxes one day and either be 1. Incredibly fulfilled by the absolute confirmation that they existed as babies, or 2. Completely freaked out by the human hair and teeth in the shiny silver box.”

By the time Baby#2 and subsequent minions arrive, you will not have the same time, energy or give-a-shit to create such memorable memory books or boxes. If truth be told, you’ll be doing well if you remember the Baby’s name.

Do you know what I have kept from the birth of Princess?

Princess.

I still have her around here somewhere. 😂

 

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I do remember that she weighed 9lb6 even at 10 days early, but not from sentiment, mostly from the absolute relief that my giganticars-aurism was not just due to eating cream buns, that she was INDEED a big baby.

I also remember her name. Most days.

I don’t know what exact age she was when she crawled, or walked, or said her first words, but I know that she did have a first in each of these. I don’t remember the dates of her first jabs (that’s on record in the Nurse’s computer!) but I do remember the screams of each one.

Yes, I’ll keep her first tooth and first curl safe, just like her sister’s, but if you ask me where they are in a few years, I probably won’t have a clue. (The curls, NOT the kids. 😂😂)

Is she any less loved or cared for? Nope. She’s the centre of my world and I love her wee fat head more and more every second of every day, but do I have the need to record every single date and milestone? No. Nor do I have the time.

And anyway, they are recorded where it matters; in her Daddy’s and in my memory… oh and probably on Facebook if I was really stuck.
Sad, but true. #21stcenturyphotoalbums

So should you record everything? Well it’s up to you isn’t it?

For Baby #1, I’d say “Go for it”. You have time. So much time. Use it.

Because unless you are absolutely brilliant and organised, let’s just say that by Babba #2, you’ll be a little more, erm, relaxed*.

*knackered, exhausted, forgetful, disorganised etc 😂😘😂😘

I am Stuff Everywhere Mum 

It’s World Poetry Day.
And so tonight’s offering for “I am some things the Baby Books forgot to mention” Mum shall be written in verse.
“Nappies and dodees” should be read/sung to the tune of “Raindrops and Roses” from The Sound of Music.
The BS Bibles spout such shite as “Don’t worry! Babies don’t need to take up ALL the space in your home.  Dedicate a shelf or drawer in your living room to baby essentials to keep them close at hand.  The Baby’s clothes etc should be kept in Baby’s nursery (includes image of pale grey amd white, empty, tidy nursery…)  The moses basket should be in a well appointed space, not too close to any radiators or drafty doors/windows. A well organised changing station will help keep the home mess free.”
Where does it prepare us for the explosion of STUFF that ensures that EVERY nook and cranny of your once tidyish home gets covered in Baby.  It’s like a giant Baby lifts the roof off your house and projectile VOMITS a load of utter CRAP all over EVERYTHING.  No room escapes and while for the first few weeks you might be able to contain the Baby stuff to a few baskets or to one corner, once they begin to play with toys or move about, the house slowly becomes overwhelmed by toys that seem to reproduce and multiply while we sleep.
“Nappies and Dodees and cute little sockies

Big teddies, small teddies, horseys that rockie,

Elephant mobiles that fly on their strings

These are just some of the new baby’s things.
Baskets from Moses and funky shaped pillows

Grufallos, Minnie Mouse, Wind in the Willows,

Breast pumps and bobos and wee plastic pots,

Plastic spoons needed for feeding your tots.
Where’s the dummy?

Close the stairgate.

Get the nappy baaaag.

I simply can’t deal with this amount of stuff

I miss the space that I had.
Cushions and door clips and safety latches

Lift all those candles and hide all the matches

Puke cloths and poop bags and powders and creams,

Lego and Stains on all of your things.
Carseats and carriers, high chairs and bouncers

Moniters, teethers and measures for ounces

Video moniters keep mammy calm

And Daddy’s still learning how to fold up the pram.
Toys toys toys toys

Toys toys toys toys

Did I mention toys?

I simply am listing the simplest of things

We gather for girls…and boys.”


And just like the list the BS Bibles give you, this is by no means exhaustive. You will find more crap to add to it and you will wonder why you didn’t take millions of photographs of your lovely fengshuiyed, Cath Kitsonesque, picture perfect home BC to send to ‘House and Home’

.  

And as for new furniture or carpets? 

Don’t bother your arse until they’re old enough to know NOT to 

write on the cushions with glitter glue. 
Wrecking balls…

Absolute wrecking balls. 😂😂😂