Tag Archives: youdoyou

My Four Walls

Posted in parenting by

Christmas.

I LOVE it! I love everything about it.

I love the sparkle, the sounds, the smells, the smiles.

I love the kindness. I love how it brings out the best in so many people.

I love the glitter, the happy and the magic…

But what I don’t love,  is the pressure placed on us by the interweb to create magical, Christmas card worthy Hallmark moments.

It’s started already; Instagranny and Bookface are full of pictures of beautiful trees and perfect living rooms.  None of us posted the mess of them being put up though did we!? 

Myself included.  Of course not.  We want to show the world our best smile don’t we? We want to give the general idea that we’ve got our sh*t together inside our own four walls.

And this year, not being able to visit our friends and families has led to more people sharing their images online.  

Any newsfeed is filled with festive fun; trees going up, garlands being made, fancy glasses with tipples by the fire, smiles and joy.  Houses now seem to be “themed”, and showhouse worthy. 

 It’s rather cool to look at in fairness and isn’t it wonderful how we can share ideas and get inspiration simply by watching other people’s posts?

And it’s lovely for us to see inside the four walls of the cousins or friends who we know we probably won’t be able to visit this year.  

Stupid Covid…

The selfies from Christmas shopping trips have been largely replaced by snaps of boxes and packages arriving on doorsteps, accompanied by hashtags joking about the #postmanismybestfriend or #cantrememberwhatIordered.

The staff parties and large get-togethers are whittled down.

It’s all pretty different isn’t it? 

And yet, what stays the same is that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. 

Maybe you have one tree that is still in the attic and will stay there until the 20th?  That’s OK.

Maybe you have two different trees with a mishmash of colours and decorations as old as you?  Fablis.

Maybe you’re quite happy to leave the tree as it is after the kids have decorated it and it warms your heart to see all of the decorations around the bottom.  Class. 

Maybe you let them at the tree, but absolutely fix the whole thing after they’ve gone to bed?  You are my people Mammas.

Maybe you don’t give a hoot if your decorations are multicoloured and not in any way planned.  That’s brilliant! 

Maybe you prefer to put the tree up yourself rather than creating an illusion of family fecking JOY.  Go for it. 

Maybe you don’t see the point in matching Pjs.  Don’t buy them.

Maybe you hate turkey.  Don’t buy turkey. 

Maybe you don’t like mulled wine…or the smell of cinnamon?  Don’t buy those candles.

Maybe you don’t wrap every single present… once again, my people. 

Maybe you don’t get professional photos done.  There is no law in fairness.  

Maybe you can’t face going to see a Santa this year.  Your call Mammy. Your call. 

Maybe you are devastated that you can’t see certain people this Christmas. We all are.

Maybe you are quietly NOT devastated to not see certain people…that’s OK too! 

Maybe Christmas is grating on your nerves and you can’t even begin to process it because of your own personal circumstances.  To you, beautiful Queen, I send all my love. 

If this year has taught us anything, it is that what happens outside our four walls (or outside of our own bubble), really does not matter. 

Christmas will happen, whether it’s quiet and understated, or extravagant and instaperfect. 

On the 25th, we’ll wake up.  We’ll do what we need to do and then on the 26th, we’ll get on with it again. 

I adore Christmas.  I love it. I’m missing some things and some people this year.  We all are. 

I’m looking forward to closing the doors of my own messy four walls and to spending some much needed down time with my own people…

 But I’m very very aware that it’s not the same for us all.  Especially this year. 

Remember that what you see online is contrived.  It is not always real.  In fact, even the most “real” people that you follow, CHOOSE what to show you. 

If you find yourself doubting your choices, or second guessing your Christmas, or feeling poop about yourself, do yourself a favour. 

Hit mute or unfollow. 

Don’t watch people who make you feel second, or less. 

Your Christmas will be what you make it.  And what happens within the four walls of other people, doesn’t matter one iota. 

No is a Complete Sentence…Especially at Christmas

Posted in Being Me, Lifestyle, Uncategorized by

Remember

No is a complete sentence.

no

You can say NO to things without having to add explanation.   Add a thanks if you wish, but only if you want to,

  • Want to join in Secret Santa at work? No.
  • Do you want to go for after work drinks on Black Eye Friday? No.
  • Want to come visit Aunty Petunia on Christmas Eve even though she spends her time telling you you’ve put on weight/aged badly/need to change your hair? No.
  • Want to put in €10 for teacher’s present because someone else decides it’s a good idea. No.
  • Want to donate to Arthur’s sponsored swim? No.
  • Want to go to Smuffs in the busiest part of town at 4pm on Friday to do me a favour? No.
  • Want to invite Cousin JohnJoe over to burp at Christmas dinner? No.
  • Want to come watch little Japonica playing the unicorn in her 3 hour long school play? Nope.

Now, let me clarify.  I am NOT telling you, nor am I encouraging you, to be a selfish turbotwat.  Some things have to be tolerated.  Aunty Nancy’s silent but violent farts are not a just reason to leave her alone on Christmas. And you can’t refuse to go for dinner in your own house just because you fell out with your partner’s sister-in-law’s dog three years ago.  Some things need you to chuck it in the fuckit bucket and suck it up for the people you DO care about.

Christmas is wonderful, but it’s also a time of high stress and worry, where people and traditions and expectations are forced upon us.  And while of course, we must all buckle down and stretch ourselves to accomodate the people we care about, love or are responsible for, we are NOT OBLIGED to keep EVERYONE HAPPY.

If something is going to cause you stress, worry, financial strain or conflict, don’t do it. 

If something is going to make your life difficult and really, you are not harming anyone by refusing, don’t do it.

If something is going to have a negative impact on YOUR mental wellbeing, think long and hard about it. 

If you can’t afford it, don’t go/do/buy it.

If you can’t deal with it, don’t put yourself through it. 

If you can’t stand it, don’t do it. 

And while we’re at it, do remember that you don’t HAVE to do things a certain way. 

Want to eat curry or lasagne for Christmas dinner? Knock yourself out. 

Don’t want to put up a tree? Don’t.

Don’t want to/can’t afford to buy presents for Tom, Dick and Harry this year? Don’t.

Can’t be bothered putting on good clothes and a full face to sit in your sitting room all day? Stay in your Pjs. 

Hate “It’s a Wonderful Life”? Don’t watch it. 

There is no Christmas Fairy-Poppins who goes around looking in your windows to check that you’re getting your Hallmark on.

You do You.

And you DO have the right, and the ability, to say NO.

And as I said, NO, is a complete sentence.  It doesn’t require an explanation.

Someone asks why?  Simply answer with one of the following:

Just because. 

It doesn’t suit. 

I don’t want to.  

I said no.

And whoever it is that you’re worried that you’re going to upset, will get over it.  Chances are, they really won’t even notice.

And Christmas will pass and 2020 will start and we’ll all get on with our lives and whether or not you turned up to sing carols with Carol will be forgotten as quickly as the Strawberry Quality Street.

friends-thanksgiving

 

 

I am September Adjustment Mum

Posted in Being Mammy, Uncategorized by

It’s September.

As we all struggle to settle into the craziness that is “routine” with our kids and lives and activities and commitments, we are more susceptible to Mmmy Guilt than ever.

These weeks can be overwhelming for our kids, but guess what?  We are allowed to be overwhemed too.

While most of us are glad of the return to routine, that doesn’t mean it’s a walk in the park.

Adjustments are needed and it takes time to find your groove, so allow yourself the transition time.  It’s not just kids who need to adjust.

And sometime, we are using OTHER people’s measuring sticks to gauge our OWN achievements and failures.

So what IS the Perfect Mum?

 

Baby-wearing Mum, Carry her Mum,

Co-sleeping Mum, Cot-sleeping Mum,

Bedroom of his own Mum,

Still in my bed when she’s 4 Mum,

Who cares as long as he sleeps Mum?

A Disposable Nappy Mum,  Cloth-Nappy Mum,

Dodee Mum, Suck the thumb Mum,

A  baby monitor Mum, Check her twenty times Mum,

Camera in the bedroom Mum,

I’ll hear him if he calls Mum,

Baby-lead weaner Mum, Organic food only Mum,

Puree it myself Mum, Buy it off the shelf Mum,

Feed them anything Mum,  He won’t eat it anyway Mum,

Fish finger Freezer Friday Mum,

Leftovers in my tum Mum

Always positive parenting Mum,

Doing it all in heels Mum,

Never tell them No Mum

Child is in control Mum

Boundaries help them Grow Mum

Nurture them and Love Mum

Ask patience from above Mum

Shower him with kisses Mum,

Temper is in pieces Mum,

Cherish every second Mum,

Will bedtime ever come Mum,

Reading her a story Mum

Playing with his toys Mum

Letting her be bored Mum

Cuppa always cold Mum

Helicopter or Lawnmower Mum?

Let them fall and run Mum,

Breastfeeding Mum, Bottlefeeding Mum,

Whatever as long as they’re fed Mum.

Screaming and exhausted Mum,

Need a shower and pee Mum,

Calm and zen and ‘Got this’ Mum

Stay-at-home with kids Mum,

Go to work, Work from home,

Have to pay the Bills Mum,

Married, single, step-mum,

Co-parenting, need some help Mum,

Foster mum, adopting mum,

Holding on to friends Mum.

Trying Mum, Lost one Mum,

Wish with all my heart for one,

Happy mum, Sad Mum,

Frustrated at myself Mum,

Crying mum, Laughing Mum,

Fitting everything in Mum

Mum Buns, Mum Tums,

Stetchmarks, hormones and Bumps Mum

Afterschool, Sports and Pool, Taxi everyone Mum,

Homework Fun, Housework Done

Trying my best every day mum.

Kids come first,  Mum’s the worst,

Will this bubble ever burst?

Give your kids the love they need

And to the labels give no heed…

mary-poppins-before-770x470

Say what now?

 

I could keep going.

Mums are amazing.  We manage to be many of these Mums at once, but NO ONE can be all of them.

If you are putting yourself under pressure to fit a label that doesn’t fit you, cut it off.

As long as your kids are loved and fed and cared for, you’re doing just fine Mum.

It can’t be perfect all the time, neither can you. But remember that usually, the flaws you see in yourself, are only seen by you.

To your kids, YOU are their Perfect Mum.

And I am the perfect Mum for MY kids…even if you don’t agree with how I do things.