I am Seriously long dinner Mum

S-Mum is foooooked. 😩😩😩
Tonight’s dinner took 1 hour and 13 minutes.
1 feckin HOUR and 13 soul-destroying minutes.😠
It went like this.
Her:  I don’t like Chicken.

Me: Yes you do.

Her:  You KNOW I don’t like chicken.

Me: Yes you do.

Her: No I don’t. (Pushes chicken off plate.)

Me: Please put that chicken back on your plate.  Now, stop your nonsense and eat your dinner. (Inside scream.)

Her: I don’t LIKE chicken.

Me: You ate chicken in Granny’s on Monday.

Her: That was Gwanny’s chicken. 

Me: (You have to be feckin joking me.) Eat your dinner please pet. 

Her: WHY. are. there. CARROTS. on. my. plate? (Impressive tone there Mini-Me.)

Me: Eat your dinner.  Look.  Princess is eating her dinner. (Futile sing songy voice)

Her: These potatoes are BORING.

ME: (FUCK ME….) The potatoes are special magic potatoes that give you super powers.

Her: I don’t like chicken. 😡😡😡😡😡
Repeat this x 17.
Add in a few top parenting lines such as: 
“If you eat your dinner, you can have TWO bedtime stories.”  (I’m amazing aren’t I?)
“Did you know that eating your dinner makes your muscles bigger than Daddy’s?”

“Look. Your baby sister is almost FINISHED HERS. She’s such a big girl.” (Yup. I know. I’m terrible.)
“Potatoes make you big and strong.” (Yes.  I said it. Despite the interweb telling me last week that this line will fuel negative body image. Seriously?)
“Mummy wears glasses because I didn’t eat carrots when I was little.”  (EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT….SWEET JEEEEEEEEESUS, JUST EEEEEEEEAT!)

Dirty looks.😈
Princess had started hers, fallen asleep in her highchair, had a 20 minute nap, woken up and finished hers in the meantime.  😇😇😇
“Right. Scooby Doo is going off.” (Imagine that I would have cartoons on during dinner?  I know.  Go ahead.  Phone social services.  I’ll dial for you shall I?)
The telly was turned off. 

She wailed like a shitfaced banshee.

I turned my attention to the food covered fudge monster in the high chair…

I ignored her snarling…

And she finally gave in.
(She probably got hungry! 😂😂😂)
It took one blast in the microwave and 1 hour and 13 minutes, but she EVENTUALLY ate the stupid potatoes.
THEN, she bounced off the chair, scraped and put her own fricken plate in the dishwasher, skipped over to me, gave me a kiss and said “Two stories.  That’s SOOOOOO KIND OF YOU MY MAMMY BEAR!”
I may give up now.  I don’t stand a chance.
So anyway.

How was your day?

#SMum #Mammyblogger #Mummy #MiniMeAndPrincess #RealStruggles #FML  #dinner

I am Some reality Mum

For anyone who complains that Mummy bloggers portray an unrealistic and ideal life… they’re reading the wrong bloggers.


Mini-Me has upped her Bitch-game this evening. Seriously, there are teenagers with less attitude.
Am trying to remind myself that “a strong-willed daughter will be a strong woman, able for anything the world can throw at her.” Whatever…

Tonight, SHE threw EVERYTHING at me before bed. Tantrums, crying, huffing, puffing and death stares. She threw herself onto her bed, arm across her face, sighing and declaring dramatically “I am just FED UP.” (Looks through elbow to see if she’s getting required reaction.)

I had to leave the room; Part of me laughing at how hilarious she is, part of me DYING a little inside that I saw myself in front of my own eyes. 😳😳😳
Bad Mammy.
Bad, not-doing-anything-right, setting-seriously-bad-examples, fucking-my-child’s-emotional-responses, opposite-of-positive-parenting BAAAAAAD MAMMY.

Deep breaths. Compose oneself. Remember who is in charge…
(Little voice… “She is. She’s in charge you Crazy Woman…”) 😈

I eventually got her settled, read “The Dinosaur that Pooped the Bed” and tucked her in.
Then I came up the hall to THIS MESS.👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇


I don’t even know where to start, and so I’m ranting to you, my lovely S-Mummies 💖, to avoid it…

And to stop myself from pouring a HUMONGOUS grape-juice. 🍷😂


I almost puked in public today. 😂😂

Week three of #operationskinnyarse began with the most terrifying and dreaded piece of equipment in the gym…
The mat.
I shit you not. It turns out that the most torturous, challenging, hardcore machine in there is my own fricken bodyweight and a mat.
Who knew?

Hope your Monday was equally as wonderful as mine.
Maybe Winnie the Poop was right! 😂


Over and out…

#SMum #Mammyblogger #Mummy #MiniMeAndPrincess #glammymammy #meandmygirls #parentblogger #RealStruggles #reallife

Find me on Facebook @secretssofsmum

Instagram @the.s.mum


I am Stupid teething Mum

S-Mum  is VERRRRRY tired.

Princess had her first restless night in ages. Stupid teeth. 😠😠 The wee dote had a raging temperature all night and would have sucked the full tube of bonjella had I let her.  She’s up since 6am and has the dirtiest big red spot on her wee cheek.

It’s now 7am.

She’s on her second dribble bib.

I’m on my second coffee.

Mini-Me was exactly the same when she was teething: temperature, spot, tooth.

In that order.

Every time.

Isn’t it terrible that getting something as simple as teeth can be so bloody sore on them? 😩😩
Meanwhile, The Him is enroute to some foreign county to climb over walls and run around a field full of mud with his buddies from Jim.  They’ll wade through rivers, crawl under electric wires and clamber over obstacles, getting muck in places that muck should NEVER be. I’m not even going to bother cleaning the bathroom today because he’ll be leaking magic muck from his pores for the next week anyway.

In fairness, it’s all for charity and I’m sure they’ll have a ball.💪💪💪
He’ll land home tonight acting as if he’s John Mc-feckin-Clane, having saved the state in Die Hard 19, covered in manly scratches and dirt, flopping onto the sofa and expecting a round of applause and a beer.

And praise indeed he shall get… as long as he arrives home with a Prawn Balti from Chilli Shaker.

If he brings naan bread, I might even run him a bath.

If he brings wine, I’ll cheer and shout “Yippeekayeeey Mother Fucker!” at him every 5 minutes until Wednesday.
But now, I’m off to put a collection of teethers and carrots in the fridge.  Yes carrots.  Have you ever guven a teethung child a big, chilled, peeled carrot to gnaw on? They LOVE IT! Obviously it needs to be thick so their wee gummies cant bite a bit off, but it’s great.  Especially when the tooth is almost through.)

Then I’m going to put on my glittery shoes and go shopping.

Shopping list so far:👇



Teetha granules.



Have a Sassy Saturdays Bitcheepooooos 😎😎

I am Summertime-Family-Fun at Castleknock Hotel.

Last week, The Him and I took Mini-Me and Princess to Castleknock Hotel and Country Club for a 3 night Staycation.  Situated on Porterstown Road, Castleknock, this hotel is perfectly located for exploring Dublin.

We booked the Family Fun Package, which included a family room, Breakfast, tickets to Tayto Park and the Zoo, a dinner and a packed lunch.

When we arrived, we were checked in by a truly lovely young man.  Stephen was his name as far as I remember. He was friendly and efficient. When we arrived in the room allocated to us however, we weren’t overly impressed.  It was at the far end of the hotel, looking out at the hotel bins.  My 4 year old’s first words about the room were “Look at the man working at the bins Mammy.” There was a single bed and a double bed, but no cot and there wasn’t enough room to fit one in.

I rang reception and asked for a different room.  Again, he was very friendly and said he would look into it.  I went back to reception after ten minutes where Stephen was working on trying to find us alternative room for the three nights.  He eventually moved us to a new room, which was a bit bigger and so the cot fit in and we still had room to move about.  This room was overlooking the carpark and above a flat roof, but was much better than the first.

The hotel is clean and the public lobby, bar and reception are spacious and comfortable.  (Gorgeous air freshener in the huge lobby!)  The outside patio area is beautiful and a playpark was very well received by Mini-Me each evening. One lovely touch was the table of blankets, suncream and sunglasses at the door to the outside area.  Very simple, but very thoughtful.

The gym is basic but functional and the pool area is beautiful. There are two pools suitable for young children.  They were a perfect temperature and open to children from 9am until 6pm each day. (I should say that this suited us with very young children, but had our kids been a bit older, or teenagers indeed, we would not have been impressed that they couldn’t avail of the pool after 6pm.)

A family changing room would be helpful in the leisure area also.  Yes, there is a baby changing room and changing tables near the entrance to the pool, but for a young family, a communal room where both parents can help the children dress would have been wonderful. (A suggestion rather than a criticism.)

Breakfast each morning was perfect.  Porridge, fruit, pastries, cheeses, smoked salmon and a hot buffet.  The toasting machine needs replaced asap however…infuriatingly slow and took three attempts to warm the bread before eventually burning it!  The staff were very accommodating each morning.  On the third morning, Trish had seen us coming down the stairs and by the time we got to the restaurant, had reset the table closest to the buffet, set up the highchair and had even left extra teaspoons on the table for feeding the baby.  This was a simple act, but again, made us feel welcome and looked after.

We had barfood on the first 2 nights.  It was tasty, with a varied menu and satisfying portions.  Again, staff were efficient and friendly, taking time to talk to Mini-Me.  On our final night, we used the included dinner in the very elegant restaurant.  Decor in this area is stunning; elegant, tasteful and classy.  Our server Christina was superb from beginning to end and the food was exellent.

Had the Him and I been in this beautiful restaurant on our own, we would have enjoyed it much more to be honest.  It was difficult to enjoy this meal to its full potential with a tired baby and a 4 year old who thought we were at a ball in her honour!  We were terrified she would break or spill something. We both agreed that a barfood voucher included in the package would have been much more beneficial in the family package.

The hotel is very close to the zoo; it’s only a 5 minute drive to Phoenix Park.  It’s also close to Tayto Park and the City Centre so it is ideal for a family adventure in the Capital.

Overall, we thoroughly enjoyed our break. We have stayed in Family rooms in other hotels which had a small hall or reception area which allowed for us to watch a movie or even have a drink after the girls went to bed, but the fact that they go to bed early isn’t really the hotel’s fault is it!?  It is however something that we would consider if booking again.  Perhaps adjoining rooms or a suite would be worth paying the extra for.

The Castleknock Hotel was very pleasant and perfectly located, the grounds and golf course were lovely, the food was excellent and the staff were friendly.  We left with a tasty packed lunch to spend the day at the zoo and they even put down the red carpet for Mini-Me! (Obviously it was for her and not for the beautiful Bride that day. 😂)

We will be back, (but maybe we’ll try one of the couple’s packages next time!)

I am Summertime-Family-Fun Mum

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Contact me on secretsofsmum16@gmail.com

(Please note: S-Mum received No Renumeration for reviewing this hotel.  I do so simply to help other parents to decide if such a family break would suit them.  These simply are our experiences.)

I am Staycation Mum

Recently, we took the girls on holiday.

I had thought we would venture abroad; a pleasant 3 or 4 hour flight, a short transfer, a family-friendly hotel with a kid’s club and sunshine.  Lots of sunshine.  We’d get a dose of Vitamin D and return home relaxed and tanned. 

Of course we could be one of those fabulous families who travel somewhere hot and exotic.  Mini-Me and her Daddy would frolick in the pool while Princess and I would lounge under a huge parasol, watching them.

   Princess would sleep in her buggy while we enjoyed Meditteranean cuisine  and sipped warm grape-juice every evening in a different sea-front restaurant, while Mini-Me would love the novelty of staying up late with us. We’d all be so relaxed and happy that there would be no tantrums and we would simply have some amazing, sunfilled family time.


And then we had a few weeks of rare, lovely, summery weather at home and my perspective on what our family holiday abroad would be, changed slightly.

Or rather…it changed dramatically!
The reality of a foreign holiday for my little bundle of Crazy-frogs would be this:

❤We’d have two cranky weins by the time we’d even get to the nearest airport.  Even the thought of the security queues and trying to entertain/restrain the baby on a flight is enough to make me want gin.  She’s a wriggler.  She would not be a happy bunny.

❤There’s no way in hell that I’d manage to pack into limited suitcase space. Princess alone fills the boot of the car for an overnight in Granny’s.  And I do pack bare minimum.  Before kids, The Him and I often traveled with just hand luggage. 

Then, not a bother.  

Now, not a hope!

❤The Kids’ Club would need to have better security than the White House, with 18 foot electrified walls and “eye-dentification” scanners for access, before The Him would let the girls out of his sight for 2 minutes.  So that would be a no go.

❤Swimming pool fun would be wonderful….Until we tried to get her OUT of the pool.  She gets completely knackered if she goes swimming, so I can’t imagine how shattered she would be if she spent much of the day in a pool. 

Trying to extract her from said pool, would look like a scene from The Exorcism of Emily Rose. We’d be videod by a Sanctimommy and end up on Youtube or terriblehorribleparents.com.

❤Our two Darlings are in bed every night by 7.30pm.  They get grumpy very quickly when they pass their sleep.  Add this to the post-pool exhaustion… Nightmare.  

❤I’d spend the whole time clattering them both in factor 6000 to make sure they didn’t burn.  Princess would end up a slimy little monster and her wriggling would be extra effective with the added slipperiness. 

❤I’d pretty much end up doing all the things Mummies do at home, just in sticky heat with a grumpy family.

So we opted for a Staycation and headed to Dublin for 4 days instead.

I know, I know…

I can hear some of the comments already.

“We go on holidays with the kids all the time.”

“Don’t be silly, youd have a blast!”

“We’ve trecked the Lake District with the 5 of them.  I carried the twins in a sling.”

Well, Good for you.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t holiday abroad with the kids.  I’m saying We don’t fancy it.  Not just yet.

We packed up my exceptionally large boot (seiously… hand luggage my arse!), stocked up on Disney stories and music, and off we went.

We stayed in Castleknock Hotel and Country Club, visited Tayto Park, went into the City Centre to Grafton Street to soak up some culture. (By this I obviously mean The Disney Shop and Brown Thomas.), and finished up with a trip to the zoo.

 (I’ll be posting reviews of the hotel and Tayto park tonight.)

We had a lovely time.  Yes.  Quite lovely. 

It was very relaxing. 

Mini-Me in particular had a wonderful time, but to be honest, the most wonderful thing about it was having her Daddy to herself for 4 whole days.  

As it turns out, I made the right decision for us.

The journey to Dublin was long enough.  The “Are we there yet?” started in Strabane. When we reached the hotel, both of us agreed that having to start an airport journey now, would be horrible.

We realised at the same moment in Tayto Park, that we are most likely THE Hangriest Family in the WORLD.  Seriously.  When you get to the point of hunger where you want to physically hurt the next person who walks in front of you, bumps into you, looks at you etc… it’s time to eat. And we ALL tend to reach that point at exactly the same time. Dangerous.

The weather was fab. Sunny, warm and just perfect for us.  The Him even got a start on the farmer’s tan and Mini-Me got more freckles.  But while the heat was lovely, it was another affirmation to us that any hotter would have been a pain in the posterier. Mini-Me and Princess don’t like it.  They get narky and squirmy and don’t quite know wha0ts wrong with them. 

You know when you’re abroad and you see those families at 10pm with Child snuggled up on top of Daddy, baby sleeping soundly in the pram and Mammy sipping on a glass of warm wine?


 That shit wouldn’t happen with us.

Our Child was begging for bed by 8pm. In fairness to her, she was exhausted. We got as far as main course each evening before she flicked that little switch that propels her from “tolerable” to “terrifying”. On night 2, the waiter didn’t even ask if we wanted the dessert menu. He was a quick learner.

Baby was the same.

So in reality, it was lights off by 8.30pm.  Dark room. No telly. No warm wine on a balcony. The habits they have at home that I thank God for each night, do not transfer to a family room.  

The Him was sent out for a run each night. I supped grapejuice sitting on towels on the bathroom floor reading the musings of the very funniful Marian Keyes.

Glamorous? No.  

Worth it? Yes. 

We had a lot of fun.  The parks were fantastic. Mini-Me was in Heaven. We had some much needed family time with Daddy and Mammy got a new handbag. (Happiness is…) 😂😂

And when we got home on Thursday, we still had a few days to relax and have fun before Daddy went back to work.

So yes. Of course a sun holiday would be lovely. But it’d only be lovely for Me and Him. On our own. Alone. Where we could lie in the sun all day, worrying ONLY about our own skin, and actually get as far as dessert at dinner! 

 For now, until they’re a little older anyway, we’ll holiday where suits us. And Dorothy had a point… There’s no place like home. 👠👠

I am Staycation Mum. 😙

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