​It’s oh so quiet….sssssh….sssssssh!

It’s oh so stiiiiiiiill…
Tonight.  I don’t even have the tellybox on.

The minions are in bed and the only sounds are the dinner cooking and my good friend Gin shouting at me from the bottle.

“Let me out you bitch!”

“I haven’t seen my BFF Tonic in 2 weeks!” 

” You know you want me!”

“You DESERVE ME!” 
Seriously.  The little fecker is really fricken loud.

Like my children.

Loud.

Adorable, but JEEEEESUS they’re loud.
The Big one will never need a microphone if she ever follows Mamma Bear’s twinkletoes on-stage.  And the Little one is quiet usually, but MY GOD when she roars, she ROARS! 😂

I blame The Him.👤

As usual. 😂
Today, Mini Me came out of the bathroom buck feckin naked, declaring that her clothes had fallen off.  

She then threw a strop which included throwing a ball up the hall and screaming “You’re stoopid!” before arriving BACK up same hall dressed as a cowgirl, holding a rocket (which was actually a gun apparently) and proceeded to shoot us. Violent little lady.  

(Again, I blame The Him.👤  He let her watch The Avengers on Saturday. TWAT.)
 Then, she hugged me until she almost choked me and cried because she doesn’t want me or the Him to go to Heaven and her favourite pink soap is finished so it’s DEAD!
 A perfectly normal and logical chain of events really. 

No?

Or maybe it’s  time to call thon psychologist cousin of mine?
How did we react?

 We didn’t really. We’re getting quite good at the “stay calm and don’t confront unnecessarily” motto.  It does work sometimes.
My response was to lace up my trainers, leave The Him to it and walk 6k in 50 minutes. 

I came home refreshed and positive and opened the door to this 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 little guilt monster waiting for me like a PUPPY at the living room door.

“Please Mummy, Don’t ever leave me again….”

Those eyes though? 💖💖💖
So now, the Hulk SMAAAAAASH is asleep, the Toothless Wonder is drooling all over her cot again and because I can’t join my fablis friends for a night of Mexican Food, Margaritas and Highly intelligent conversation, I’m going to say hello to poor Mr Gin and “Cheers” to them, and you, from my quiet house.
Sssssssssssssh…. 🍷💖🍷💖🍷

​S-Mum has been to the “pictures”… to see a NOT Disney movie!
Myself and The Him went to a show tonight….AT NIGHT TIME! 

In the dark…at NIGHT!

The people in the cinema were ALL at least 5 foot tall and all aged in 2 digit numbers.

We saw the new Bourne film.

  I was a little disappointed that it was only rated 12PG. I really felt that my first grown up movie in 4 feckin years mught have had the manners to be at least 16’s.
If you’d seen The Him’s wee face when he came home tonight to find me ready to go, tickets booked and my babe of a sister cosied up with the Androidy yokie… It was waaaay too cute. 

(Him’s easily fricken pleased!)
Bourne himself was quite brilliant.  Big explosions, a terrifyingly intelligent computery script and lots of violence. (And Matt Damon’s chest… Grrrrr! 😆😆😆)

 And oh my! The car scenes! CRASHING AND SMASHING AND BOOMING EVERYWHERE! 

(Well worth going to see if you’re really a bit of a boy, like me!)
My Mummy FAILS today included:

1. The Blueberry poos… such a handlin’. 😡😡

2. Finding Princess PLAYING WITH THE BLUEBERRY POO NAPPY that I’d thrown across to the bin 3 minutes earlier but had forgotten to lift. I swear to God I thought I would have to bathe her in bleach.  (It only got on the floor however so calm the cacks!)
My Mummy WINS were:

1. Finding “Cougettie” in Aldi. 👇👇

2. Watching Mini Me DEVOURING her Courgettie Bolognese… because I told her it was Green pasta because it’s the Hulk’s favourite.  She does love her superheroes.  #likeagirl 

3. Making the Him’s day by arranging above cinema date. I didn’t even pretend we were booked to see Ab Fab. I could have had fun with that in fairness…

4. Being a Seriously-fab Mum who ONLY lets her girls play with very spensive and edumacational toys. 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

Can you smell Friday?

I’m away to Bourne…I mean Bed! 😚

​Today I am Sharing an ice cream Mum.
This is how Mini-Me and I ate her icecream cone today. 

Imagine that I would have the nerve to be so close to my child? 

Obviously I look soooooo much more fablis than Victoria Beckham in this snap. 😂

And no one would ever say we’re inappropriate or too close because there’s a big chunk of wafer between our lips. 😬

And no one would ever dare to comment that the image is sexualised would they?  😡

Seriously.

That whole nonsense a fee weeks ago made me laugh. 

I kiss my girlies on the lips everyday. 

They’re my children. 

We show affection.

It’s how we roll.

And if anyone sees anything in this picture other than a happy 4 year old messing with her Mamma Bear, then guess who has the problem? 
Hope you all had a fablis Sunday?
I’m currently sitting on the side of the bath, allowing layer #173 of shitty fake tan to dry so my skin look AMAZEBALLS for tomorrow’s wedding.

I am almost mahogany. 💩💩
I am sipping the bubbles that I didn’t ACTUALLY open last night because I fell asleep at stupid o’clock. 😪😪
I’m also CURSING the very polite and lovely sales assistant in Debbie-of-the-nams who NEARLY got me to sign up for a store card yesterday, but who forgot to take the security tag OFF THE FECKIN DRESS I am wearing tomorrow. 
I will now have to be at the door at 9am to get it sorted, then get home, fed, haired, muck-uped, children slid across the field to Granny’s and BACK in Derry for 12.15pm.

(Seriously need to invest in a wee shuttle track over to her garden…)
Yes.  Tomorrow morning will be fun.
Hope the bank holiday weekend is going wonderfully my pretties.

Keep kissing those beautiful babies. 😘😘