“Did you have a nice day at school?” yeah
“Any news for me?” No
“What did you learn today?” Nuthin
“Did you learn anything new today?” Nope.
“How are your friends?” Grand…
Bad Mammy, asking Lazy-Mammy questions.
Don’t you know there are lists of Perfect Parenting question hacks, and higher-order clever-Mammy questions, that we can ask in order to engage our minions on the journey home or when they get in?
Yeah, whatever Jacinta.
Trust me, even if I were to ask “Can you tell me one new thing you learned today?” I’d still get “Nuthin”.
Or
“Tell me one thing you found out at school today?” “Nuthin”
Or
“Did Teacher tell you anything interesting today?” “Nope!”
Or
“Is there anything exciting that you’d like to share with me today?” “Yeah… silence”.
Ok, maybe she wouldn’t SAY this, but I’ll bet she’s thinking it. If she could articulate properly, she’d probably tell me she wants a big fat cup of shut the feck up Mammy…
She MIGHT say “I’ve just spent the whole day answering questions and concentrating and listening and translating in my head. I’ve been Good-Me since 8.30am. I’m now in the car, safe and back with you. I want to NOT think. I want to sleep. I want to watch TV. I want to cry. I want to throw a tantrum so that I can eventually spill that I had a fight with my BFF or that I got hit by a ball again… But right now, I need to adjust. I need to go from being my public-at-school little self, to my actual self. Much like you take off your makeup and stick your hair in a bun and throw on your PJ bottoms and one of Daddy’s teeshirts to switch off from YOUR job-job, I need to transition too. So, a mummy Dearest, if you’d keep your prattling, repetative questions to yourself until my brain has a chance to catch up, we MIGHT have a chat then.”
The wobbler one?
I try.
I try I do.
I waste my time there too.
“Did you have a good day?”… Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
“What did you do today?” … “Paw Patrol”
“Did you miss Mammy?”… “Pawpatrol”
“What do you want for dinner?”… “I don’t WANT dinner. I haved dinner alweady!”
“Did you do anything nice today?”… “No!”
She thinks “Mammy’s home. I am sooooo done keeping my little shit together. I must now scream and huff and growl and eyebrow-furrow and stomp, and howl “Paw Patrol” enough times to make Mammy either turn ON Paw Patrol or huggle me and squeeze me and…oh look, my big sister is huffing and staring out the window. I shall do that too. Oh look, my big sister is crying. Not sure what she is crying about, but hey, it looks like it might feel good and possibly punish Mammy a little, so I shall CRY TOO. Why am I crying? Feck knows, but hey!
Mammy is sighing and muttering letters under her breath. Me not know letters.
Mammy should stop annoying me and Big Sis wif silly questions on our way home.
Does her not know by now, that we will both keep ALL of our stories and excitingful information until 5 minutes after bedtime?
…Or until 3.15am, when I shall stick a finger up her nose to wake her to tell her dat Johnny bumped hims head on hims croissant.
Sssssssh Mammy…”
#fml
The S-Mum 