I am She goes, He Goes Mum

The battle of the poo. You know it’s true…

Maria Rushe - Blogger and Writer's avatarThe S-Mum

  “OH DU TOILETTE…”

26937599_10159710107990167_578088088_o The Throne…

Becoming a Mum brings with it many wonderful and exciting changes for parents. The “books” will tell you how new babies will test even the strongest relationship.  They do not tell you that one of the biggest bones of contention between parents is the process of the poo.
Let me explain…

(Read alá David of the Attenborough on a wildlife show…)
The female of the species becomes quickly skilled at excretion. After childbirth, despite possible  complications and difficulties with the bladder, she will quickly evolve into a bladder controlling machine. Caring for her young is always a priority. Even with a full bladder, the female can retain control under duress and highly stressful conditions, often balancing her offspring on her abdominal area. She is strong however, and will wait for the perfect moment to pounce on the elusive porcelain.  When the opportunity presents itself…

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I am Suddenly Loving Routine Mum

Today’s Thoroughly Modern Mammy for Donegal Woman 🙂 

 

Oh how I do love being at home with my girlies.

Oh how I so looked forward to the Christmas holidays.

Oh how wonderful the 2 weeks away from the reality of work and routine were.

And yet oh! How wonderful it is to be back to normality.

girls

Where will we go today Mammy?

By the time the alarms went off on Monday morning, this Mammy for one, was glad. It wasn’t the thought of going back to work that excited me, (although the prospect of drinking a FULL cup of coffee while it was hot and having some adult conversation was calling in fairness!)

No. What Mammy was most glad about was that the girls were going to get back into routine. Because Mammy can safely say after the Christmas break, that my two little Dollies NEED routine.

Yes the longer snoozes in the morning were nice. And yes, it was nice not having to worry if they weren’t in bed at the normal time. But after the mayhem of Christmas (and the fact that Mammy here had succumbed to the flu and so we were housebound for the final few days of the break), cabin fever had set in and the girls were craving normality.

This week was long. Monday morning Mini-Me actually cried when I woke her at 7am.

Tuesday morning, she asked me “Why are you waking me in the middle of the niiiiiight?”

By Wednesday, they were completely knackered!

Thursday evening was a struggle to keep Princess awake past 6pm, and by Friday evening? Well, let’s just say, meltdowns all around. (Read about it here!)

And on Saturday morning? When everyone SHOULD have been able to sleep on? 7am. “Maaaaaaaaammy!” Up and at it, bright and ever so feckin breezy!

And so now, it is Sunday again, and I’m out doing the weekly shop and trying to plan for the busy week ahead, and thinking about uniforms and schedules … and counting down the days until midterm!

planner

I love this weekly fridge door planner from Penneys. 

And while I miss the girls when I’m at work and I feel terrible about leaving them during the week, THEY do better when they have school and childcare and routine and normality.

I don’t know why, but everyone seems a bit more content.

Mini-Me likes to know what day it is, when she needs her PE gear, what’s for tea, what nights Daddy will tuck her in and that weekends are “family-time”.

She likes to know that Mammy is early picking her up on Wednesdays and to have dinner at the same time in the evening.

She appreciates no homework on a Friday evening and that Saturday seems to take on a magical new sense of excitement and importance.

And so does Mammy.

So indeed, Mammy is already counting down to the next break from routine, but Mammy is also enjoying the weird contentment that comes to everyone in the house, when we are right in the middle of our humdrum, boring, normal, day-to-day, uneventful and ever so wonderful routine!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

I am Say Shut Up Mum

“I need to put on my lupstuck QUICKLY Mammy!”

Yeah to sit in a dark auditorium for the next 3 hours? Whatever! 5 going on 15.

And yet as grown up as she’s getting, sometimes things remind me of her adorable innocence! 

Like the radio.

We’re driving home after the panto and I’m not really paying much attention to the radio. That is, until I find myself humming along to “I wanna sex you up!” and realise what’s is playing! 

Christ alive!

 Just as I turn it down, oh so subtly, to save the ears of my little one, she tuts.

“What a Very wude song Mammy” she scolds.

Holy shit methinks.  She knows the word sex. She knows that sex is a rude Word. (For the radio!) Hang on. Where has she heard That? How does she know? What’s haaaaappening?

“It is indeed” Mammy agrees. 

“Did you HEAR what that man was singing?” 

“Erm yeah…”

“What Silly words. Why would you sing a song Saying ‘I wanna say SHUT UP!’ So weird like!” 

“I wanna say shut up?”

“Yeah Mammy. Dat’s what he was singing!” 

Sing it wuf me Mammies! 

“I wanna say SHUT up!” 😂😂😂 

Happy Sauvignon…sorry, Saturday! 🍷

By the way, are you following me on Facebook? You should. The craic is mighty! 

I am Such a Silly Notion Mum 

Ooooooh it’s Friyay.

Today Mammy took a notion.
Mammy is going to surprise the girlies by bringing them to meet Daddy for a surprise dinner date and we’ll have a lovely family evening with our two well behaved darlings, who Shall eat their Yummy dindins. Then we shall have the joy of watching them eating Pink icecream, the adorable little munchkins, before going home for a relaxing bedtime where Daddy would put them to bed while Mammy pours a glass of grapes and puts her Tired feet up for a good old Corrie wedding…
Yeah.

Mammy is a deluded Twatsickle who often falls victim to her very own Disney Princess notions. 😂

But never fear.

Mammy has her very own Mini whose main purpose in life (today anyway) seems to be to knock Silly Mammy off her Disnified perch.
We did meet Daddy.

 From the second we sat down, Mini-me was a wagon. A proper little shitsickle. She made Princess look like an angel. That IS Quite the achievement! I won’t go into too much detail but when I tell you that ignoring the waitress, refusing to order, asking for a cocktail, bursting into tears because Mammy ordered for her, sliding onto the floor, scribbling on the menu were only a FEW of her party tricks, you can imagine the rest. 
Mammy and Daddy spent the date sending each other apologetic “what we’re we thinking” looks and starting conversations they both knew would not be finished before they started. 
Mammy wished she could go back to correcting exams and considered that she should have just gone home to cook the freezer contents. Daddy wondered why he had ever thought that leaving work early was a good idea… I’m guessing that only for fear of Divorce, he would have happily gone back to his BFF Jim.
They did go home: After NO dessert. They did get the girls to bed: After NO story and plenty of the special strops reserved only for the first Friday night after school holidays… 
Mammy did pour grapes. 

And just like Mammy’s fairytale picture of her evening DIDN’T happen, neither did the Corrie Wedding.  
But See there’s where Mammy is going wrong… sometimes life is Corrie, not Disney. 

At least with Corrie, you expect disaster! 

Here’s to all you Mammies who got a reality check from your little Notionwreckers today.
And here’s to Poor Sinead… she’s better off. It’s only have ended in no icecream and wine.

😂🍷😘

How was your Friday?

I am So Takeawaying Thursday Mum

Hurray and Woohoo!

Thursday is Takeaway Day.

It’s time for our local Ocras to get their weekly phonecall from me as I lift the girls from creche.

“AsmallkidspizzamealandaportionofplainsausagesplleasheandthankyouJoe”. 

“TenminutesMaria!” (He doesn’t even have to ask who it is.  That’s service for ya!)

And I look forward to it soooooooooooooo much.  Not because I am going to eat it.  No.  This Mammy is back on the wagon and as much as I love Joe’s pizzas, I am being good (during the week anyway!)

No.  I look forward to it for a few reasons.

Mainly because I am still traumatized by the sausages incident of last night.

Secondly, because I don’t get home until almost 6pm if I go to see Jim and my minions will be “Staaaaaaaaarvin Mammy” if they have to wait for me to cook.

Thirdly, because after the generally organised and productive start of the week, I’m running out of gas/petrol/thewilltolive and quite simply can’t be arsed cooking. (reminder to Him, we still need ACTUAL gas too!)

And most importantly, it means happy kids, no dishes and a headstart on my Thursday night Happy Mammy Blitz.

My Thursday Mammy Blitz is class.

No matter how knackered I am, I make Thursday night all about cleaning.

I get the girls to bed, do the washing, clean the sespits that are the bathrooms, mop all the floors and generally leave the place as clean as possible so that when we get home on Friday evening, it is actual down time.  I’ve mentioned it before.  I’ve done it for years. For me, the best thing about Friday evening is coming home and not having to start cleaning and doing housework.  It’s a mess again by Saturday, but hey!  Whatever works eh?

And the ABSOLUTE best thing about my Mammy Blitz, is that my reward for being such a superorganised-notsausageburning-shitMum, is that I get a glass of wine in front of the tellybox before bed.

And now that I have Derry Girls to look forward to on Channel 4 at 10pm, it’s going to be even better.

derry

Ain’t nothing dousing this good mood today.

Now!

Have a good one!