Tag Archives: healthy

I am Spin & Rinse Them Mum

Posted in parenting, Uncategorized by

How often do you do your washing then?

And by washing, I mean your kids?

Are you one of those Mammies I envy who can manage to wash their Minions every night? With a peaceful and practiced routine which includes fluffy towels, Pink skin amd Smiling cherubs?

Or are you like me?

The shameful excuse for a Mammy who gives them a deep clean once a week and sometimes throws them in for a rinse and spin midweek if there’s a chance that social services might be called as a result of the spud-growing levels of soil which could be ploughed under their Nails…

For whom the thought of wrestling the two skinnyarses out of the bath, (getting them INTO it is never a challenge!), Screams at the hairdrying regardless of how much conditioner is used and the general BOMBSITE into which the house descends, are enough to make Mammy consider grapes at 5pm…

The Mammy of the kids who are the OPPOSITE of the angels who get tired by a bath at bedtime? The kids who absorb the energy of the feckin water through their pores and end up BOUNCING for 45 minutes after being exorcised… sorry extracted, from the bubbles. (Yes even the lullaby-ing lavender-y Spensive bubbles).

Regardless of which of these you are, as long as they’re happy, does it REALLY matter how dirty they are?

And really, a dirty child is a healthy child yeah?
And the smell of a clean minion is short-lived anyway isn’t it?

35143934_1796704193730789_3136718245239717888_o

And really, how often we do our washing is the same amount of other people’s business as how many times a day we fart, is it not? 

 

Have you found me on Bookface and Instagranny yet?

 

I am Some Fruit and Cake Mum

Posted in children, family, parenting, Uncategorized by

What a FABLIS and slightly smug Mammy I am.
See picture 1. 👇👇👇

My minions are eating fruit.  Like, REAL fruit. Fresh and actual fruit.  🍉🍌🍅🍓🍎🍏🍌And what’s MOST impressive is that they ASKED Granny for it… themselves.  Yes. Eating fruit. Voluntarily and happily, on top of their very impressed Uncle Brian, after eating ALL of their respective dinners.
Proud Mammy.

Good Mammy. 
“Ooooooh” I hear you gasp in awe, “How did you get them to eat all of their dinners S-Mum, you Wonderwoman Extraordinaire?” 
Well, the trick is in the second photograph. 👇👇👇👇 😆😆 


Cake.
They knew that if they didn’t eat all of their dinner, they wouldn’t be allowed any of the MAHOOOOOOOSIVE eleventy billion layered, schawipple-chocolate, monstrous birthday cake that Clever Mammy sneakily Showed Them BEFORE dinner! 😂😂😂
Yes. 

Clever Mammy.

Bad Mammy.

Good Mammy… etc etc…
And so the fruit was requested yes, but about 90 minutes AFTER they’d come down from the sugar high induced by the chocolate cake! 

But still.
They ate fruit. 
And they also ate chocolate cake.
Now, if I were a Sanctimammy, I would ONLY have posted photograph 1. You know? To show how “perfect” and on top of this parenting shit I am.
But I am not perfect. 

I like my kids to eat fruit. (Real fruit 😅😅)
But Golly do I also enjoy the looks on their wee faces when Granny tells them to go ahead and stick all of their fingers into a big chocolate cake!
And now, I’m going to ring the Birthday Boy and tell him to drop me over another slice before the salivating ruins my screen here… 😅😅
Happy “No uniforms Sunday” Bitches. 
(Mammy’s turn for fruit now. 😘😘😘)

#nocapsulesaroundhere #realfruitonly #letthemeatcake

PS.  If you have the tellybox on, stick it over to #OneLoveManchester I’m notnsure who many of these people are, but what a show so far. And if THAT is who our little girls aspire to, I’m happy.) 💗💗