I am She flipped the Bird Mum

Sweet Jebus and Baby Japonica of the Netherregions, I may actually vomit from laughing tonight.
The photograph below might seem terrible and offensive.  The photograph I SHOULD post with this post, WOULD be terrible and offensive, because it SHOULD have my beautiful 5 year old in it instead of me. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Let me explain…
Mini-Me is a picker.  She LOVES to pick things, but she especially loves to pick her fecking nails. 
Now, this is a habit that is becoming a problem. She has the nails so picked down that they are barely even nails anymore; more like extended cuticles.  I am at my wit’s end.
I’ve tried everything.  I’ve explained. I’ve scolded. I’ve tried to talk to her. I’ve shouted. I’ve bought fidget spinners. I’ve tried to teach her how to click her fingers and on the advice of a kiddy O.T., shown her lots of alternative things to do with her fingers. I’ve tried everything.  Blutac works, but only until it gets stuck in the carpet, or her hair, or until Princess tries ro eat it. ๐Ÿ˜‚
So I’m now trying what EVERY Mamma resorts to in the end.
 Blackmail.
I’ve told her that if she can get a white nail back on her 10 fingers, I’ll take her to my beautician to get her a glittery polish.  
She’s trying soooooooooo hard.  Soooooooo hard in fact, that tonight when I mentioned that her nails were still very sore looking and that I can’t wait to see them qhen they get longer, she ran across the room at me, eyes bulging in her head, shouting with excitement  “But LOOOOKIT Mammy! I DOOOOOOO have one white nail on DIS HAND, LOOK!”
And it was clear to see that on her MIDDLE finger, there is a tiny slither of white appearing.
I almost died.
Trying so hard not to buckle laughing in front of her, I managed to praise her and tell her it looks so much stronger and that it’ll soon be time to go to get them polished.
She skipped off to show Princess (yup. Finger up into her wee face!) shouting behind her “I can’t WAIT to show Granny my nail tomorrow!” (Granny, you’ve been warned…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚)
So IF we meet you out and about over the weekend and my Darling Mini-Me “flips you the bird” or whatever you’d like to call it, please know that it is VEWY innocent and not at ALL because she sees it at home. I may swear like a sailer, but I would NEVER do this in front of her, (well, not to her FACE anyway!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚)   
So I hope you understand why I chose to stage the pic? As much of a Feck-it-up as I may sometimes be as a Mammy, I’m NOT quite THAT bad. 

Not yet anyway! 
Now, decisions.
Red or white? Glass or bottle?
How was your day? 

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

I am Simple letter to my Birthday Girl Mumย 

โ€‹Dear Mini-Me 
5.

FIVE.

Holy Jemima…where did that go? 
I’ve just tucked you in after your special day.  You’re creamcrackered and tucked up between your new Trolls dolls, so I’m guessing that there’ll be no sleep for the next hour or so anyway. 

It’s been a busy day, filled with fun and family and presents and cake.
Mammy did her very best to make it perfect.

To make it memorable.

To make you have the most wonderful day ever.
This birthday is particularly important to Mammy.  Why? Because I remember when I turned 5.  I remember it vividly. It’s probably one of my clearest early memories.

I remember wakening up that morning and just KNOWING that it was a big deal.  I was 5. Finally. I was the SAME age as my two best friends. The same age as my cousin Karen. And more importantly, I was FINALLY older than your uncle Danny again! It was really annoying being the same age as him for 3 weeks each year.  

Being 5 fixed that. ๐Ÿ˜‚
I had made it.  I was 5.  I remember Granda saying “Where’s my big 5 year old?”, and hugging me, (just like your Daddy did you this morning), and feeling sooooooo grown up. 
I remember getting a Nurse’s costume and a little Nurse’s set and I decided there and then I would be a Nurse when I grew up.  That changed. And that’s OK. You’ll change your mind too. Today, you want to be a farmer and a Superhero. You can do whatever you want to be.  

Because you’re brilliant.
I remember having 3 friends come over after school for cake.  I remember Granny and Granda coming for tea. I remember going to bed that night, wondering what would happen tomorrow, now that I was the grand old age of 5.  I remember thinking that it had been the best birthday ever…

Because it was. 

I don’t remember anything else, except the good things.

I’m sure there were squabbles. I’m sure I was told off once or twice.  I’m sure there were moments of that perfect day that were normal and ordinary and maybe even crappy, but my memory (with the help of my mum and dad) only allowed the happy to stay in my mind.
And I hope and pray that this will be the same for you, when you look back on YOUR 5th birthday someday. ๐Ÿ’–
And I hope that you are as lucky as your Mammy has been to have your own little buddy by then.

And that you too try to make her 5th birthday a happy one.

Because I did try. And I hope I succeeded.
I even tried extra hard to NOT scold or give out to you because it’s your birthday.  I did OK. Yes, we had that wee row before bedtime. But I’ve already said I’m sorry and that I love you and tried to explain that you have to TRY to listen to me sometimes.  I know I shouldn’t have scolded on your special day, but Mammy is sometimes quite terrible and grumpy and needs a kick up the arse.  And believe me, Mammy felt quite shitty afterwards. It’s OK though, because we had a talk and a cuddle and read a story and talked about the day you were born and I’ve told you all the things I love about you, so I hope that has helped you go to bed knowing that I love you so much it sometimes hurts. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

Because I do.๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–
I love your face, your beautiful eyes, your little nose, those rosebud lips, your voice, your gangly limbs, your humour, your wit and that kind and sensitive little heart which I try every day to strengthen and build up, although sometimes I feel like I do nothing but break it. 

And someday, you’ll be a Mammy too and you’ll understand exactly what I mean.
You’ve had a nice day. You’ve felt like you’re the centre of the universe for a day. And even your sister being sick and grumpiful all afternoon didn’t upset you did it? 

Because you won’t remember that anyway will you? 

Because with her, all you see is love and fun.

And I hope that lasts forever.

Because this ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡ THIS little birthday hug right here๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡, is all that matters in the world, to you, to her and to us.


So if you read this, whether you’re 15 or 35, remember whatever you can about your 5th birthday and do me a favour? Ring me or visit and tell me about it.  
Oh, and go hug your sister.

You’re never too old for that. ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–
Happy birthday my Mini-Me 

You Mamma Bear x

Xxxxxxxxx